A Good Wife
by Amity33
Summary: Pestered both by Eroica and his father's insistence to get married, the Major finds a drastic solution to both problems. Dorian/Klaus, M-rated.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** The 'From Eroica with Love' characters belong to Aoike Yasuko-sensei and their rightful copyright holders. I do not claim to own any of these characters. No profit is made out of this story.

**Author's Note:** There are several German phrases in this story that some of the readers might not be familiar with. For their translations and other notes, see the footnotes at the end of each chapter. As always, thank you for reading, and looking forward to your reviews.

**A GOOD WIFE**

**Chapter 1 – A Morning Run, An Unauthorized Entry and An Epiphany**

Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach was almost always in a bad mood, but there were variations. There was plain bad; simmering bad; explosive bad; and, worst of all, homicidal bad. Fortunately for everyone, homicidal bad did not come by very often and it never lasted too long, but when it did come it was life-threatening indeed. No one who knew him at all dared to be within striking distance of him at those times, with the exception of a certain blond English thief, the only person on the planet who wasn't scared off even by this kind of earth-shaking rage. Then again, this might be because said English thief was most of the time responsible for his spells of homicidal bad mood.

Well, currently he was in a homicidal bad mood, but this time around was by far the worst in living memory. For one, it had lasted much longer than usual; normally his homicidal tendencies wore off after a day or two, but this time he was in that lethal mood for almost a month, with no indication of improvement in the foreseeable future. The other difference was that for once the aforementioned blond English thief had nothing to do with it. The cause of his nerve-wrecking frustration was none other than his own father.

Fed up with Klaus repeatedly brushing off his long-distance nagging to get married and produce a new generation of von dem Eberbachs, his progenitor had finally decided to bring the war to the enemy's camp. He had come from Switzerland unannounced about a month ago, settled himself in the Schloss, and declared he would not be leaving again until he saw his son a married man. Needless to say, the outbreak of World War Three would have caused Klaus less dismay than this declaration. He tried to offer the usual excuses about his work, its dangers and so on and so forth, but his father would have none of it. He was determined to hook him up with an eligible fräulein and that was final.

To make a bad situation worse, the Major had no acceptable excuse to make himself scarce for the time being. He had hit a dry spell at work; there was no mission for him at the moment, only paperwork, and not even enough of that to justify him staying over in his townhouse in Bonn instead of returning to Eberbach in the afternoon. And with that kind of free time on his hands, there was no way he could refute his father's demands to meet up with the prospective brides he industriously lined up for him.

It took but a few admittedly disastrous dates with pretty, well-bred and utterly empty-headed and annoying young ladies for the Major to hit the bottom of his already meager patience. But he was not the only one who found them disagreeable and repulsive; apparently most of them, appalled by his curtness and indifference towards etiquette, had given some mighty nasty reports about his conduct to their fathers, who in turn did not waste any time in relaying them to _his_ father. The end result was that his father had reprimanded him severely, and he had not been able to refrain from saying exactly what he thought of those young ladies and where they could shove their complaints, and it kind of went all downhill from there. Indeed, it was pretty inevitable for things to turn out this way. Klaus and his father had only one way of communicating, which was his father giving orders and him obeying them. If he failed to obey, there simply wasn't any alternative form of communication. And because ever since Klaus reached adulthood he was not all that inclined to obey his father's dictations unquestioningly, to say their relations were strained would be a very mild way of putting it. Those few times his father came over to visit, they barely lasted a week together before finding each other's company completely intolerable. Of course they never fought openly, his father's sense of dignity and Klaus' sense of filial duty prevented them, but when his father left again they were barely on speaking terms.

However, this time they were thrown together for a month now, and after what had transpired the first couple of weeks the atmosphere in the Schloss was nothing short of unbearable. Fearing the continuous altercations with his father would eventually drive him to patricide, the Major had finally resorted to guerilla war tactics. He rearranged his schedule completely (an additional annoyance for a man of steady habits such as he was) so as to have the least possible contact with his father. For example, for the past ten days or so he woke up at 5.30 a.m., an hour earlier than usual, breakfasted and then went running for two hours instead of one (he needed the extra exercise to work off at least a part of his frustration). That way he left for work while his father was still eating breakfast, thus successfully avoiding him for the better part of the day. On the downside, though, the morning papers were not yet in at such an ungodly hour, and he had nothing to occupy his mind with during his run. And when his mind was not otherwise occupied, it tended to think.

As he ran through the dense woods around the Schloss, Klaus kept asking himself over and over again why was it so darn difficult for his father to understand his reasons for wanting to stay single. He acknowledged the need for an heir to the family but it wouldn't be such a big deal if he came from one of his cousins instead of him; it happened to ancient families all the time, including his own. Frankly, he could not consider that need as reason enough to get saddled with the permanent ball and chain commonly known as 'wife', especially since he could think of numerous other reasons _not_ to get married.

For one thing, there was his profession. Klaus was never a very trusting person to begin with, but after he had joined NATO Intelligence, paranoia and suspicion had become second nature to him. Even his own team and his supervisor he trusted only to a degree, which is why he usually took the most dangerous parts of every mission upon himself, allowing them only a supporting role. As for his home environment, it was exactly the same, if not worse. Even though he knew every one of the servants at the Schloss all his life and never had any reason to doubt their loyalty, he still was reluctant to have anything other than a master-servant relationship with them. He made a point of never bringing work home and never allowing any questions regarding his job. They had met his subordinates and the Chief on occasion, but other than that the only thing they knew about his work was that they must never ask anything about it. Friends he had none, and his only family member, his father, had been an army man but never an intelligence agent and thus could not be expected to fully understand the implications of the Major's work, even if he had expressed any interest in hearing about it, which he hadn't. Not that the Major would be at all willing to confide in him, as that would put him in no little danger. No, solitude suited him best; the way things stood now, all the espionage world knew that it was useless to go after anyone related to Iron Klaus, because he never shared his secrets with anyone.

But if he got married, all that would change. He would have to allow a woman – more to the point, a woman he hardly knew – complete access to his home. She would be able to watch him at all times, learn his habits, even demand of him to trust her – he, who didn't trust anyone! And how was he to know his enemies would not try to bring her over to their side, or capture her and use her to trap him? If he had to worry over all that for the rest of his life, he'd go insane for sure! For the life of him he could not understand how Mischa managed it with his wife. Then again, hard as it was to believe, according to his information Mischa had married out of love, and apparently when you loved someone you could not help but trust that person as well. But Klaus had never been in love with anyone, and thus he could not fathom how that was possible.

But besides his work issues, he also had personal reasons for not wanting a spouse in his life. For instance, he'd have to spend time with her, a prospect he did not find at all agreeable. He'd have to talk to her – and even worse, listen to her talking about clothes, and household chores, and gossip, in short everything that bored him to death (he was not optimistic enough to believe he could find a woman who would be willing to talk about guns and machinery). He would have to take her out to restaurants, theaters and other loathsome places women liked so much in his free time instead of doing what he liked, namely cleaning his guns, practicing his shooting, repairing stuff that needed fixing and so on. But most revolting of all was the thought of some woman he didn't even know existed until recently suddenly invading his personal space and demanding…intimacies. Fucking gross! As if wasting his time on some silly female wasn't bad enough, he would be also expected to do something with her he did not enjoy one bit!

The Major had had his first sexual experience during his student days, the same way most boys of his age did, by visiting a brothel. It wasn't that he had any particular desire to have sex, but he had heard his fellow students talking about it all excited and was curious to see what the big deal was all about. After he went, he still couldn't figure out what the big deal was all about. He had been able to perform all right, but it didn't feel all that different from when he dealt with his needs on his own. Afterwards, he'd retried it a few more times to see if something would change, but no matter what he did, it felt more like a bother than a pleasure. He was fully functional, but the act had no effect to speak of on him; trying out a new gun was significantly more exciting in comparison. In the end, he had concluded that the whole sex thing was grossly overrated and given up the sport entirely. The prospect of having to do it again, on a regular basis, no less, and with someone he didn't even think well of to boot was something he would most certainly go to great lengths to avoid. Yes, he definitely had lots of very good reasons for not wanting to marry. There was no call to assume that his refusals to his father's demands meant that he was a rebellious son, or a defective member of society, or –

Klaus stopped short, not liking the way his thoughts were going at all. He shook his head violently and increased the speed of his running, in a vain attempt to drive away certain very undesirable memories which had once again crept uninvited into his head. Verdammt, not _that._ Not now. Now was one hell of a time to be remembering _that._

'That' was a conversation he had happened to overhear at work about a year ago. He had been called yet again by the chief of personnel to be lectured for the umpteenth time about assigning too much overtime work to his alphabets, an issue that never failed to anger him exceptionally. As if that moldy bureaucratic relic gave a rat's ass about his agents' welfare; all he cared about was the overtime compensation he'd have to pay them. After a lengthy, loud and rather uncivilized conversation, he had left in a particularly foul mood, and on the spur of the moment decided to take a longer route to his division office instead of the usual one, in order to give himself some time to calm down. He had an upcoming mission at the time, and opted not to fray the already abused temper of his agents even more than usual just before things got tough. Therefore he took a roundabout way that eventually brought him to a relatively deserted corridor not too far from his office. That corridor at some point made a right turn, and exactly after the turn there was a not too frequently used coffee vending machine. The Major was approaching that very turn in his usual long strides, when he heard voices speaking – voices he knew well.

He stopped in his tracks and listened carefully. Yes, these voices certainly belonged to his alphabets – A, and G, oh, and Z too. So these three fools had taken advantage of his absence to slack off from work, huh? Well then, he definitely ought to make it so in the future they would never even think of playing hooky again. But just as he got ready to charge in and give them the browbeating of their lives, his ear caught the word 'Major' and he realized they were speaking about him. Of course, that realization only served to further fuel his anger. On top of lazing about, they were gossiping about their commanding officer behind his back too! His first impulse was to march out there and order all three of them summarily to Alaska, but then he thought better of it, and decided he might as well do some information-gathering first. After all, a good Intelligence officer was supposed to keep tabs on his subordinates as well. He walked noiselessly up to the edge of the corridor, flattened himself against the wall and strained his ears to listen. And this is what he heard:

"…I'm telling you, he's _gay,_" G's high-pitched voice was saying persistently. "Oh, I know he doesn't look it, and that he acts like the biggest homophobe on the planet, but even so he's just as gay as I am."

"Come on, that's just your wishful thinking, G," – this was Z's voice now. "Everyone here knows that you have a crush on the Major, but even you should have realized by now that you don't stand a chance in hell with him."

"I know that," G snapped irritably, "but not for the reasons you think. Honestly now, how many straight men do _you_ know who get goosebumps when a woman so much as gets within three feet of them?"

"But you gross him out too, G," Z's voice countered again, "and you're not a woman, are you?"

"No, but I look like one. I'm tiny, I have a girly face and I like wearing women's clothes. Being with me would be no different than being with a woman as far as he's concerned. _That's _why I don't stand a chance in hell, Z, not because I'm a homosexual."

"So he's a misogynist," intervened A calmly. "That doesn't necessarily mean he's gay as well."

The Major unwittingly caught himself nodding with approval at A's words. That's right, he was a misogynist. That A knew him really well after all. Klaus knew there had to be a reason why he had been able to stay his second-in-command for so many years.

G, however, was not that easily convinced. "Hmph," he snorted, "I don't expect you straights to understand. It takes one of our kind to know one, you know. Why do you think Lord Gloria still keeps pursuing him after all these years? If he was convinced that he was straight, you can take it from me that he would've given up a long time ago. There's not one of us who doesn't know that a man's sexual orientation does not change after a certain age."

G seemed ready to elaborate even further on the subject of homosexual mating rituals, but all of a sudden A cut him short. "Oh no, look at the time. Come on, let's head back; if he returns before us we're done for. And you," he addressed G, "had better keep those opinions of yours to yourself. If the Major ever hears about any of this, he'll order you not just to Alaska, but to the North Pole on foot."

"Don't I know it," grumbled G, then there was a sound of hurried footsteps, and then silence.

For the remainder of that day and several days afterwards the Major mulled over and over that conversation in his head, all the while trying his utmost to keep his fury from showing. Were it any other situation, he would never bother to restrain his anger, but he felt that if he punished his agents for what they had said it would be tantamount to admitting that G was right about him, so over the next few days he was really careful not to display any more than the usual amount of anger. He did exact a small revenge on G later, though, by sending him, regrettably not to Alaska, but to a month-long Special Forces training camp, with emphasis on outdoors training. When he returned, his usually well-groomed hair was overgrown and unkempt, his fingernails were a mess, and he looked marginally more like a man. He still grossed out the Major, though. Unfortunately, Klaus wasn't sure whether that meant he wasn't a homosexual or that he could not see G as a man no matter what.

But the real question that kept popping into his head was, why was he so angry about it? He kept telling himself it was because his own agents were gossiping about him behind his back, but deep down he knew this was not his real reason. It wasn't anything new for him to be badmouthed behind his back; over the years, all those who knew him, be it enemies or colleagues, had accused him of practically everything short of cannibalism. He'd been called cruel, cold, ruthless, violent, brutal, rude, uncivilized, you name it. And he had never lost any sleep over any of these accusations; but the one thing that invariably incensed him was when someone insinuated that he was a homosexual. In the past he had never wondered why was he so touchy about that particular subject, but after what he had heard that day he had started thinking about it only to find out that, try as he might, he could not come up with a satisfying answer. He could put it down as an affront to his morals, but that would be pretty hypocritical of him since aside from his sense of duty he did not have any other morals to speak of. He had never once hesitated to lie, cheat, steal or even kill in order to attain his assigned goal. Someone else might take comfort in believing that it was all 'for the greater good' or for a 'noble cause', but Klaus refused to delude himself with such notions. Certainly duty was an important reason for what he did, but equally important was his own stubbornness, desire for victory and refusal to admit defeat. Nor did he find it at all reprehensible to admit that seeing his missions through at any cost was a great source of self-gratification to him. Therefore, if he had no qualms about committing just about any other sin in existence, why was he so obsessively averse to that particular sin?

After hearing that conversation among his agents, every so often that question came back to haunt him, and every time the Major pushed it forcefully into the back of his mind again, unwilling to deal with it at all, let alone look for an answer. Or maybe he _did _know the answer already, but did not wish to acknowledge it. Whatever the case, he resolutely ignored it, but unfortunately could not make it go away entirely; it would always come back at the most inopportune times, like now. And it was not the only distressing thought this conversation had spawned.

For there was something else that had disturbed him deeply, and that was G's words: 'It takes one of our kind to know one.' Could it be true? He tried his damnedest to assure himself it could not possibly be true; he told himself again and again it was absurd to believe even for a second that G or Eroica or any queer for that matter could possibly know something about him that even he ignored. Especially something like his own sexual orientation. But G had spoken with such conviction…and besides there _was _the undeniable fact of Eroica's unnatural tenacity in chasing after him. Any normal person would have definitely given up after so many years of rejection and mistreatment. Granted, Eroica was not what one would call a normal person, and he was most stubborn when setting a target in his sights, but even he had given up at times when he thought some theft or other would be impossible. Could it be, then, that he did not consider the Major an impossible target? And where did he get that kind of confidence from? Klaus had certainly never done anything to encourage him, had he? Or was it possible that he encouraged him without even realizing it? It was admittedly odd that most of the times the Earl met his abuse not with disappointment but with a knowing smile, as if saying 'I knew you were going to say that.' But the whole idea was just preposterous! Who on earth would consider this kind of abominable treatment as encouragement? Nevertheless, those nagging doubts were now settled in his head permanently, and no matter how hard he tried he could not drive them away; during this past year his mind was being constantly plagued by questions upon questions, and the worst of it all was he could not bring himself to face them. He who had never backed down from any confrontation in his life finally found out there was one thing he did not dare confront and that was his own self.

However, even if he wanted to, this was definitely not a good time to get started on a journey of self-discovery. He had a far more urgent problem to deal with, which was finding a way to get his father out of his hair without sacrificing his freedom in the process. Unfortunately, even the Major's exceptional brain had not been able to work out a solution for this problem. All ideas he had come up with so far were rather inexcusable in the eyes of the law, and therefore he had been forced to abandon them. As a result, with each passing day the Major gained a whole new understanding of what being cornered meant, and he did not like it one bit. And like any cornered animal, he was becoming increasingly aggressive and dangerous to be around these days, much to the chagrin of everyone around him. In the Schloss, the servants ran for it every time they heard him approach; even Herr Hinkel the butler who had raised him since birth and regarded him as his own son purposely avoided being in the same room with him any longer than absolutely necessary. And at work his horrific disposition had thrown his entire department into complete disarray. More than two-thirds of his alphabets were on sick leave, and they were not faking it either; it was mostly due to nervous breakdowns or stomach ulcers acting up after a particularly vicious scolding on his part. Even the Chief had rushed to take his summer vacation a whole month earlier than usual, obviously hoping that the Major would have calmed down by the time he returned. And those few of his team who were still able to come to work took off on errands outside the office at the first opportunity, in an evident attempt to preserve their sanity. At first he had resented this, but later he decided it was best to allow it; the less people in his immediate vicinity while he was in that state, the less likely it would be for him to inadvertently kill someone in a fit of rage. However, this did not solve anything; it merely postponed the inevitable disaster. The only way out of this mess was to somehow resolve the situation with his father, and fast.

That's what Klaus kept thinking during the rest of his run and on his way to work. Upon arriving on the fifth floor of the NATO Headquarters building where his division was stationed, it occurred to him that the floor was unusually quiet for this time of day; there were far less people in the corridors than usual, and even those he did see dashed out of sight as soon as he came near. As for the alphabets' office, it was nearly empty except for two or three agents, but even they did not stick around for long. Barely had the Major entered and directed his customary glare at them when they jumped up, mumbled some lame excuses and fled the office as if the Evil One himself was after them. Klaus sighed wearily and put a hand to his forehead; at this rate, even if a mission did come up he would be unable to take it on without his team. He had to find a solution as soon as possible. For now, he might as well be left alone; at the very least he would have some peace of mind for a few hours. He walked to the door to his own office, opened it…and nearly got a heart attack. For on his desk chair, where no one but him had any business sitting, sat an all too familiar figure. A figure with flashy clothes, abundant curly blond hair and a sunny smile that was presently directed straight at him.

Mechanically the Major entered his office and closed the door behind him, the blood in his veins pounding so furiously that his ears were ringing. Great, just fucking great. The last person in the world he wanted to see right now. Eroica. The one man capable of exasperating him more than anyone and anything – and also of stirring his nether regions in ways he had never thought possible, although that last part he refused to admit even to himself. The blasted thief always had a flair for bad timing, but this time he had exceeded even himself. He could not possibly have picked a worse time to come lavish his maddening attentions on the Major. In the past, even at the height of Klaus' fury, he had got away with a punch or two at most; but in his present state of mind the Major could feel that even the slightest provocation would send him spiraling out of control, and he really did not want his career to end for murdering a civilian, even if that civilian was a degenerate faggot thief. He took one menacing step forward, clenching his fists in an effort to keep himself in check.

"How did you get in here?" he grunted ominously. He might as well find out beforehand how the building's security had been breached, since after he was through with him the thief would probably be in no condition to speak. _He can't have come through the front door, or these idiots would have told me, right? But then, the way I am now, they might have been too scared to tell me. Bloody morons…wait until they come back. They won't even know what hit them._

"Darling, so nice to see you too," Eroica beamed at him, as if the Major's murderous glare was not meant for him at all. "It's been so long since I last saw you, and as I happened to be in the neighbourhood I simply had to pay you a little visit. But I thought I shouldn't disturb your poor overworked boys while on the job, and so I came through here," he said, pointing gracefully at the window. The Major stared at him in wide-eyed astonishment; how on earth did that demon of a fop manage to climb five floors in broad daylight without being seen? Eroica must have sensed his surprise, because he laughed and said, "Oh, no, I did not climb all the way from the ground floor, dearest. It was only from the window of the office next to yours. Never mind how I got there, though; I think it's best if you don't know. By the way, darling, is today some German holiday I haven't heard of? I thought it would be pretty busy around here, this being a weekday and all, but this entire floor is practically deserted."

The Major winced at Eroica's words; they only confirmed what he himself was suspecting earlier. Apparently his reign of terror had expanded to the other offices on the floor as well. Of course, that reminded him of his troubles again, and he felt his blood pressure rising to record heights. He really ought to get Eroica to leave here before something irreparable happened.

He drew in a deep breath and forced himself to stay still, glowering steadily at his personal nuisance. "Eroica," he ground out through clenched teeth. "Even though you don't deserve it, I'm going to give you fair warning. I'm in a very, _very, _VERY bad mood these days. If you value your frivolous existence at all, you will turn around NOW and go out that window and as far away from me as possible. Or, better yet, jump from it and make my day."

Eroica's smile softened a little, and the look in his eyes changed to something like affectionate concern. "Darling," he replied serenely, "I do value my _fabulous_ existence, but even more than that I value yours. And now that you mention it, you do seem to be a tad more tense than usual. Something's troubling you, right? I know it can't be me, since I just got here, so it has to be something else. Perhaps you'd like to talk about it? I know you're always so secretive and don't like sharing your problems with others, but if you get it off your chest you might feel…"

"ENOUGH! SHUT YOUR GODDAMNED MOUTH!" roared the Major, beside himself with fury. Losing the last remaining shreds of his self-control, he lunged towards Eroica with murder in his eyes. Finally catching on the seriousness of the situation, Eroica jumped up from the chair in alarm just in time to avoid the Major's hands which were aiming straight for his throat. Klaus pounced on him but the Earl, agile as a cat, managed to slip away in the nick of time and dashed to the other side of the desk, trying to keep at least one piece of furniture between himself and the berserk Major.

But even at this moment, when his well-being was in such danger, Eroica was not chiefly concerned about how to escape. Rather, what worried him the most was his beloved Major's condition. He had seen Klaus stressed out and angry before, but never like this. What was going on? Maybe a particularly difficult mission? But if that were the case, where were his alphabets? While waiting for the Major to arrive Dorian had taken a peek at the outer office, and had seen that most desks were unoccupied, in fact they looked like they had been unoccupied for days on end. And from what he had been able to overhear, the Major was being 'quite impossible' for some time now, but the agents had no idea why that was. Clearly something very distressing had happened to his darling, and it had not yet been resolved, otherwise the Major would have already put it behind him like he always did. Eroica determined he would find out what it was no matter what; come hell or high water, he would never leave his loved one's side while he was suffering so. But first he'd have to stay alive long enough for the Major to calm down and give him at least a clue about what was worrying him.

"Major, please, get ahold of yourself!" he cried out. "Killing me won't get you anywhere! Let me help you just this one time! And don't say to me you don't need help when it's obvious that you do! You don't have to tell me what this is about if you don't want to, just tell me what it is you need me to do!"

"I need you to stay still so I can catch you and kill you with my bare hands," growled the Major in a manner reminiscent of an unhinged tiger. Without warning, he suddenly sprang over a chair and landed directly in front of Eroica, grabbing him by both arms and shaking him like a rag doll. The Earl struggled desperately, but he knew right from the start it was no use trying to escape the Major's grasp, especially when he was boiling with rage like this. For the first time he really started to panic, but that would not do; if both of them lost it right now, something really bad could happen. He breathed in and grasped the Major's forearms in turn, squeezing them as hard as he could. Although he didn't look it, Dorian had very strong fingers. Startled by the sudden pain, Klaus momentarily ceased shaking him and Dorian seized his chance at once. Staring hard into his eyes he said in a calm but emotionally-laden voice, "Major, _please_, listen to me. I know you don't trust me or my feelings for you but no matter what you do you can't stop me from caring. I cannot – I will not leave you in this state, so you might as well allow me to be of assistance to you. I've no idea what's going on, but whatever it is you can tell me about it! I love you! If it means helping you out, I would do anything – you only need to say the word!"

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOT! EXCEPT DISAPPEARING FROM MY SIGHT THIS MINUTE, THERE'S NOTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO FOR –" And just like that, the Major froze, thunderstruck by the most insane, outlandish and brilliant idea he ever had! Still grasping Eroica, he stared blankly into space, trying to get his mind around what he had just thought. It was madness, it was stark raving lunacy, and yet…and yet…the more he thought about it…He could already feel the plan taking shape in his mind, and it was _perfect_! Flawless! _Menschenskind_, this could actually work! And if it did…if it did…all of his problems would be gone – for good!

Dumbfounded by Klaus' sudden immobility, Dorian stared at him anxiously. Carefully, he disengaged one of his arms from the Major's grasp and passed his hand over Klaus' eyes – no reaction. This ominous silence caused him a lot more panic than the Major's outburst moments earlier. His beautiful blue eyes widening in fear, he grabbed the Major by the arms and shook him forcibly. "Major? Major! Speak up, man! Oh, dear Lord, he had a stroke. I made him too angry and he had a stroke, and what am I going to do now? Help. That's it, I've got to get help." But just as he was ready to storm outside and call for help, the Major's grip tightened around his arms again. "I'm all right, you idiot."

"Major! Oh, thank God! Don't ever scare me like that again! This is too cruel a joke, even for you!" exclaimed the Earl, but the Major cut his protests short. "Shut your trap and listen."

Eroica looked like he wanted to say something more, but he changed his mind and closed his mouth as instructed. Judging from the Major's change in attitude there was no immediate danger to his life at the moment, so he might as well listen to what he had to say. Still gripping his arms, the Major stared at him with such intensity he could practically feel his hard green eyes burning holes in him, and when he spoke again his tone was no longer angry, but deadly serious.

"Eroica," Klaus said without preamble. "I'm going to ask you a question and for once in your life you'd better tell me the truth." Dorian nodded without a word, all of a sudden sympathizing a great deal with every secret agent who had had the misfortune of being interrogated by Iron Klaus. At this moment he was keenly aware that whatever the Major asked, he would have to answer truthfully even if it meant revealing his most closely guarded secrets. Staring straight into his eyes, the Major asked,

"What you said just now, that you would do anything I asked of you – anything at all – do you really mean it? Or is this just another of your tricks to get into my pants?"

For a second, Lord Gloria just stared at the Major, blinking in confusion. He hadn't really had the time to speculate what the Major's question might be, but this certainly he did not expect. However, this was not the time for stalling; the Major wanted an answer and he wanted it now. Pulling himself together, the Earl gazed steadily into his beloved's eyes and said in firm, crisp tones, "Really, Major, after all this time you've known me, I think you hardly need to ask this of me. I've even defaced art for you, in case you don't remember. But if you want me to be perfectly honest…" He paused and considered for a second, the Major's eyes still trained on him. "…I might not be able to kill another person for you, but you wouldn't need _me_ for something like that, would you?"

"Of course not, idiot." Abruptly, the Major released his arms and tore his eyes away from him. For a few moments, he stared fixedly at the opposite direction; it was evident that he was thinking intently about something. Then, without warning, he spoke again.

"Very well. For the first and only time, I will take the ENORMOUS risk of actually putting any faith in something you say," he said sharply. Eroica opened his mouth to protest again, but the Major silenced him with a look. He crossed over to his desk and scribbled something on a piece of paper. Then he went back to Eroica and showed him the paper without giving it to him. It was just an address in Bonn, the name of the street didn't mean anything to him. After waiting for a few seconds, the Major asked, "Have you memorized it?"

"Yes, but what is it?" Of course he had memorized it; in his line of work, Eroica had to remember entire blueprints and floor plans by heart, memorizing a single address was nothing. Klaus took out his lighter and burned the paper in his overflowing ashtray until only ashes were left. Then he turned back to Dorian.

"You said you wanted to know what's troubling me. I'm prepared to tell you, if you come to this address tomorrow at eighteen hundred hours. Come alone, and try not to draw attention to yourself…as much as you possibly can, anyway," the Major said with a hint of his usual scorn. "If you are even one minute late, or if anyone of your circus of thieves shows up with you, it's all off. Now get out of here the way you came, and make sure no one sees you. I don't want anybody to know you've been here today at all."

"Why all this secrecy?" asked Eroica curiously. "That's a bit excessive, even by your standards…" Suddenly he thought of something, and directed a suspicious glance at the Major. "You're not planning to kill me and make it look like an accident, are you?"

"As tempting as that sounds, you're of no use to me dead," replied the Major quietly. "But if you so much as breathe a word of this to another soul…I will not be as lenient with you as I've been in the past. Consider yourself warned."

Somehow this low-key statement frightened the Earl far more effectively than any of the Major's customary loud-mouthed threats. Making a considerable effort to keep his composure, he said in his most dignified tone, "There is no call for threats, Major; blabbering about something you told me in strict confidence would hardly be fitting of my status as an English gentleman. As for my men, you need not worry about them; they are all in England at the moment. As it happens, this time I was travelling alone." He paused, pondering for a moment. "But I might need their services soon, right? What excuse should I offer to bring them here, since I obviously cannot tell them the truth?"

"You won't be needing them. This is a one-man job," said the Major curtly, dismissing him with a gesture. "Now get going already. Everything else you want to know, you'll learn tomorrow…if you come to the appointment, that is."

"Oh, as long as I live and breathe, I will most definitely come, Major," Eroica said decisively, already halfway out the window. "I wouldn't miss it for all the artworks in the world. Until tomorrow then, from Eroica with love…" He blew a kiss to the Major and withdrew as swiftly and silently as a ghost, before the love of his life changed his mind and took a shot at him or something.

However, for once the Major seemed well-disposed enough to overlook even this ever-infuriating punchline. As soon as he made certain that Eroica was gone, he sat behind his desk and rigorously attacked the paperwork in front of him. He needed to get it over with as quickly as possible; there were a lot of things he'd have to get done this day and the next, but if all went well, this would be the beginning of the end for all his present worries.

Footnotes

_Menschenskind _= Good heavens


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – The Major's Bold Plan And Eroica's Tears**

Sharp at the appointed hour, Eroica turned up at the place specified to him by the Major. Naturally, he had already checked it out the previous day, right after he left NATO Headquarters. It was a small, modest bar in a not too busy side street. It did not have the atmosphere of a popular joint, but on the other hand was not secluded enough to attract shady characters. At night it would probably have a fair amount of patrons, but in the afternoon there were hardly any customers in. Leave it to the Major to pick out the perfect place for a discreet meeting.

As per the Major's instructions, Lord Gloria had chosen to wear his most inconspicuous outfit, a pale blue suit with white shirt and tan boots. He had even refrained from putting on any jewelry, his golden hair being his only ornament. He had thought of tying it back, but it wasn't like he could completely hide it anyway, so he decided to leave it down as usually. As soon as he entered the bar, he saw that the Major was already there, having commandeered a table on the far end against the wall. Eroica noticed that he had picked the one table that not only allowed him an unimpaired view of the entrance but also was rather isolated from the other ones and so no one would be able to hear them unless they sat really close, a very unlikely occurrence with the Major in the vicinity. Whatever the Major's problem, it was pretty evident that he intended to keep it under wraps at any cost. More curious than ever, Lord Gloria entered the bar, but instead of heading straight for the Major's table he stopped by the bar and ordered his drink first, so that they wouldn't be interrupted by the waiter. The Major already had a glass of beer sitting in front of him. Dorian would have liked some wine, but in the end he decided on mineral water. Unlike the Major, he was a lightweight when it came to alcohol, and he absolutely needed to stay sober during this conversation. Picking up his drink, he headed for the Major's table and sat opposite him.

Of course, the Major had seen him enter, but he made no sign of acknowledging his presence until he was seated at the table. Without bothering with greetings, he went straight to the point. "So, do you still want to know what my problem is?"

"Of course, Major, and let me assure you once again that whatever you tell me I will take to my grave." The Major nodded slightly and started talking. "You probably already know this, but my father for many years now wishes for me to get married and bear an heir to the family."

"I've…er, assumed as much," said the Earl hesitantly. Of course he knew that for a fact a long time now, but he didn't want to aggravate the Major by admitting he had been prying into his private affairs. "But you say this has been going on for many years, and you were not that upset about it until just recently…so, what's the difference now?"

The Major let out a long, deep sigh of frustration. "The difference," he said irritably, "is that this time my father won't take no for an answer! He's decided he won't go back to Switzerland and leave me in peace until I get married, and he keeps trying to fix me up with his friends' foolish daughters, and it's driving me insane! And not a single mission in sight either. If I find out that fat pervert of a Chief had something to do with this…" He clenched his fists in a manner that boded none too well for his portly supervisor.

"Oh my, that does sound serious," Eroica said with genuine concern. He, too, had a vested interest in keeping the Major single, since he knew all too well that if he ever got married Klaus would consider it his duty to be absolutely faithful to his wife. His chances with a single Major were slim enough as it were, but a married Major would be truly out of his reach. With no little trepidation, he asked, "So…I take it you do not intend to humour your father's wishes?"

"I never considered women to be anything but a nuisance and a liability," said the Major matter-of-factly. He cast Eroica a disapproving look. "You're a bloody nuisance too, but at least you can take care of your own ass most of the time, I'll give you that much," he added grudgingly.

"Why, thank you, Major, that's awfully decent of you," the Earl flashed his usual bewitching smile at him. He leaned a bit forward suggestively and added in a low, purring voice, "Although, for the record, I'd like to remind you that should you ever wish to assume the duty of taking care of my ass, I would not object in the slightest…" A stony look from the Major warned him that he was treading on dangerous ground once again. "…All right, I get it, no more jokes. So, what is it you want me to steal?"

The Major gave him a strange look. "Who said I want you to steal anything?"

Eroica sat bolt upright in his chair, taken aback. "I…no one, I just thought…" It had never occurred to him that the Major might need him for anything other than his thieving skills; after all, it was his only quality that ever had any value in the Major's eyes. The Earl had spent the greater part of the night before raking his brains in an attempt to figure out what could possibly have made the Major so upset, and the only thing he had been able to come up with was that someone was blackmailing him with something – although for the life of him he could not imagine what that might be – and now Klaus wanted him to steal back the incriminating evidence. However, judging from the conversation so far, he was evidently mistaken.

"Then, what is it you want me to do?" he inquired, puzzled. "I'll tell you after you answer two questions," said the Major, once more in full interrogator mode. "The first one I already asked you yesterday, but I'm going to ask you again. Are you absolutely sure you will do whatever I require of you, no matter how much of your time it will take or how much of an inconvenience it may be? Let me tell you now that if you commit to this and then leave me hanging, I will neither forget nor forgive it."

"Major, I believe we already covered this yesterday," said the Earl with an air of arrogant annoyance. "I meant everything I said to you, and I fully intend to stand by my word." The Major stared into his eyes for a few seconds and went on to say, "Then, my second question is…for how long do you think you can successfully pass yourself off as a woman?"

Stunned speechless for once, Eroica just kept staring back at him for a few seconds. One thing was for sure, these two days had been full of unexpected questions. "…I'm not sure I understand. What do you mean…?"

"You heard me," said the Major impatiently. "For how long can you pass yourself off as a woman without anyone realizing you're a man? Can you pull it off for just one night? A night and a day? Two days? How long?"

"Well, I…it depends on the situation really, but as long as I have the necessary clothing and make-up on hand, I can manage for quite some time," said the Earl thoughtfully. "Why, this one time in Monte Carlo, I spent three whole weeks dressed as a woman, in order to charm a casino owner who had the most enchanting van der Weyden in his collection…"

"Spare me the unsavory details," interrupted the Major with his customary curtness. "Three weeks…yes, I believe it should be enough."

So it was his talent as a crossdresser the Major needed after all. But whatever for? Tentatively, the Earl ventured to ask, "Pardon me, Major, but I still don't understand what all this has to do with what we were talking about earlier…"

"Well, to put it simply, I decided to give my father what he wants. If he wants a daughter-in-law so much, I'm going to give him one," Klaus said, without so much as batting an eyelash.

Dorian gaped at him flabbergasted for a few moments, and then his cheeks flushed crimson with exasperation. What the hell? The Major had dragged him all the way there just to tell him he was going to marry after all? "Then what the devil do you need me for?" he cried out indignantly, then an idea occurred to him and his eyes widened in shock. "Don't tell me you're going to ask _me _to find you a wife?"

The Major cast him another long-suffering look. "No, you hare-brained idiot, I'm asking you to _be_ my wife."

The Earl shot back in his chair so violently you'd think the Major had fired at him at close range. He would've definitely fallen over, had the Major not reached out and grabbed him by the sleeve. "What are you doing you fool, is that your idea of not drawing attention to yourself?" he hissed angrily.

Flustered to the point of distraction, Eroica was drawing in short, shallow breaths of air in rapid succession, his right hand clutching at his heart. "P-please don't ever make this kind of joke again, Major," he managed to gasp out several minutes afterwards. "It's really bad for my heart, I'll have you know."

"Would I ever joke about something like this?" snapped the Major sharply. "Now cut it out with the hysterics and focus! My father won't get off my case unless I get married, right? But if I'm _already_ married, then he can't nag me about it anymore, now can he?"

"Wait. Wait just one bloody minute," muttered the Earl, still agitated beyond words. He bent his head down and took a few slow, measured breaths, at the same time massaging his temples. Then he raised his head again and asked, "So…you're saying that your plan is…to tell your father that for some reason or other you got married and kept it from him…and you want me to pose as the wife?"

"_Gott sei Dank_, you finally got it! What?" he asked, catching the strange expression on Dorian's face. "Does this not agree with your principles or something?"

"I'm just…surprised you're willing to tell your father such a lie, Major," said the Earl perplexedly. "I won't pretend to know the exact nature of your relationship, but I was under the impression that you respect him a great deal."

"Of course I do, but I value my own sanity more! Besides, if this goes on for much longer, I may end up throttling him, and that's worse than lying to him, isn't it?"

"Hmm, you have a point there. But why me? Wouldn't a real woman be better for this kind of thing?"

"Didn't you _hear_ what I said about women just now?" asked the Major impatiently. "There is no woman of my acquaintance that I trust enough to help me out with this. And I can't very well pick someone off the street! In order for this to work, it has to be someone who knows me well!"

_Ah, so you admit that I know you well, my dear Major,_ thought Dorian with satisfaction. He decided to forego the gloating for the moment though, and instead asked again, "What about agent G? He knows you well enough, and I'm fairly sure he would be overjoyed to oblige you…not to mention he can certainly make a convincing woman."

"Are you insane? There's no way I would ever drag one of my subordinates into my personal problems!" exclaimed the Major. A moment later, he added with the tiniest hint of guilt, "…Besides, even if I wanted to, G is not an option. My father has met all of my agents on one occasion or other. Of course G was not dressed as a woman when they met, but there's still a chance he might recognize him. No, I've thought this through already, and…you're the only one with the necessary qualifications to pull it off."

The Earl raised his eyebrows at this; it was not often the Major admitted he needed him for something at all, let alone that he was the only one who could do it. Either this situation was a lot more taxing on his nerves than he let on, or he had some ulterior motive. However, since for the moment Dorian could not figure out what the Major's hidden agenda might be, the only possible course of action would be to play along, at least for the time being. Whatever the Major's intentions, this 'assignment' presented a whole lot of wonderful opportunities, and he was not about to let them go to waste.

"So, I take it you have already planned out the story you're going to feed your father?" he asked. "Roughly, yes, but I haven't ironed out all the details yet," replied the Major. "I thought it would be best to do that together with you. That is, if you're in on this. So, I'm asking you for the last time, _are _you in?"

Eroica smirked mischievously. "I think the real question here, Major, is are you sure you _want_ me in? You do realize I'll have you at a very formidable disadvantage, don't you? The slightest lack of cooperation on my part, and you will embarrass yourself in front of your father in the most humiliating manner possible." He expected the Major to blow up after this nearly-blackmailing statement, but to his surprise Klaus merely gave him a contemptuous smile.

"You've had me at a disadvantage before, and a fat lot of good it did you," he sneered. "And let me remind you that if you go along with this, you'll probably have to spend quite some time at the Schloss, which is a very _big_ place, with _lots_ of rooms hardly anyone ever goes to…" He stopped short, taking note of the terrified expression on the Earl's face. It would not do to frighten him off. "Anyway, my point is there's no need for _you_ to worry over _my_ disadvantages. Just tell me if you're in or not."

"Oh, but of course I'm in, darling," Eroica said without hesitation, twirling a lock around his finger. "I could not possibly abandon my loved one in his hour of need. Besides, spending time with you in your own home would be like a dream come true for me."

"Don't you dare get carried away with romantic delusions," the Major admonished him. "This is a job, nothing more." Then it occurred to him that a job would also require payment, and he added, "Of course this time I cannot use NATO funds to pay you, but if there is anything you want as compensation…" _He's going to ask for Pumpkin-Pants, I just know it._

Dorian however smiled sweetly, deciding this was a good time to play the magnanimity card. "Oh no, I don't want anything, dearest. I mean, since you're not hiring me in my professional capacity, I believe it would be unethical of me to demand payment. Besides," he added with a seductive smile, "I'm pretty sure this time the work will be its own reward."

The Major felt a chill run down his spine at the Earl's words, but he was already in too deep to turn back now. "Let's get down to the details, then. The general idea is that, while abroad for a mission, I met an English lady…"

"Why not a German fräulein? I could be that too, you know. Wouldn't that go down better with your father?"

But the Major shook his head. "Indeed it would, and I don't doubt your acting skills, but there's no way you could pass off as a commoner, and Father is well acquainted with most of the aristocratic families of Germany. It will be easier to fool him if he thinks you're a foreigner, and it will be easier for you to put up an act if you don't have to fake your nationality as well."

"You really pay a lot of attention to details," remarked the Earl, impressed. "Of course I do – how many undercover missions do you think I've planned so far? A fake identity can be exposed even by the slightest detail. That's why the best fake identities are the ones closest to the truth, with only minor alterations."

"In this case, the minor alteration being that I'm a woman instead of a man," chuckled the Earl. "So, where do you propose we first met? According to what you just said, it would be best to pick out a situation where we really did meet in the past, instead of fabricating a whole new one."

"I thought of that too, but the circumstances under which we met would be rather tumultuous for a young lady of good family. We can't very well say that you came to my house with the intent to steal the family paintings or that I chased you on the Autobahn with a tank."

"No, indeed, that hardly qualifies as a romantic first meeting," Eroica agreed. He thought for a moment and then said, "How about the _Michaelangelo,_ though? It was a real incident, your father might even remember seeing it on the news. And you were really there for a mission. You could have rescued a young lady of good family who was being held hostage, couldn't you? It's just the sort of heroic deed that would have made any woman fall in love with you. And it's not even far from the truth," he added with a dreamy smile, recalling the fond memory. "You really did rescue me, only I wasn't a passenger. I even think it was then that I was first smitten with you."

The Major grimaced at that last part, but decided it was best to overlook it. Romantic overtures aside, the whole idea was really good. "Yes, I think that would work," he said. "In reality, the only hostage was that French hag, but after so many years I doubt Father will remember all the particulars."

"Splendid, we're making progress then," the Earl said cheerfully, rubbing his hands together. Now that the initial shock was over, he found himself warming up to his newly-appointed task with all the enthusiasm of a child planning an elaborate prank. Indeed and truly, this adventure promised to be a lot of fun. Not only did he get to be with his darling Major, but also for the first time ever he had the delight of actually planning an operation with him. And he relished seeing how well the two of them worked together, how their thoughts complemented each other in perfect synchronism. To him, it was yet another proof that they were made for each other; if only the Major could see it that way as well.

"You rescued me from the evil seajackers, then, and we fell in love," he went on. "Or rather…hmm, wait a minute. When are we supposed to have gotten married?"

"About eight months ago. Father will not take it kindly if he thinks I kept it a secret for a very long time."

"Hmm, but then he might wonder why you waited all those years to marry me. I think it would be better to stick close to the truth, just like you said."

"And say what? That you followed me around and made passes at me in front of everyone? This is hardly appropriate behaviour for a well-bred young lady."

"Well, we don't have to say exactly what I did," Eroica explained. "Just that I fell in love with you and confessed my feelings, but you refused me at first because you did not wish to put me in harm's way. But I was so very much in love with you, and I came to you and confessed again and again, and in the end you were moved by my unwavering feelings and admitted that you love me too."

"Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick," said the Major with a disgusted look on his face. "I should have known you would turn this into a freaking romance novel. But it does sound convincing when you put it like that, especially since I've already told Father that the reason I don't want to marry is because my wife might be targeted by my enemies." Inwardly, Klaus was forced to admit that the fop had turned out to be an excellent choice for a partner in crime. It was amazing how easily ideas flowed from his mind and how quickly and efficiently he tailored them to fit the circumstances, all the while anticipating every adversity. He really could not have asked for a better accomplice, but he was not about to inflate the thief's ego any further by telling him so if it killed him.

"Which brings us to the hard part, which is coming up with a plausible reason why I would keep my marriage a secret," he went on. "Yes, that does present a bit of a difficulty," admitted the Earl. "I mean, if you got married, normally your father would be the first to know…Do you think it would suffice to claim that you kept it a secret so that your enemies wouldn't target your wife, like you said?"

"No, I don't think that's reason enough," the Major shook his head. "Secret agents are duty-bound to report it to the service when they marry, exactly so that their families will be protected and, most importantly, monitored. And if I'm obliged to disclose my marriage to NATO, my enemies will find out about it eventually, which means keeping it from my father would not serve any purpose."

"Then we have to think of something else." After a few minutes of careful consideration, Eroica said, "…As far as I can see, you, aside from your work, have no other earthly reason to want to keep your marriage a secret. Which leaves us with no choice but to allege that it was a request from the bride."

"And why would my bride want to keep her marriage with me a secret? Not to sing my own praises here, but according to the old crones at the family gatherings I'm the living embodiment of an 'eligible bachelor'," said the Major with the expression of someone who had just said something really foul about himself. "Why would she have to hide me?"

"Because her family objected to the marriage, maybe? We could say some grandfather or great-uncle was killed in the war and the family is prejudiced against Germans, how does that sound to you?"

"Not good. We'd better not bring the war into this; Father is very sensitive about that subject. If he hears something like that, he'll probably want to have it out with his in-laws, and we can't possibly let anyone else in on this."

"Hmph, your father sure is a hard man to accommodate, Major," grumbled Eroica. Once again, he fell silent for a while, thinking intently. "How about this then," he said eventually. "What if we say that I, the bride that is, had been promised to someone else before I met you, and my family was dead set on going through with the match and would not hear of me marrying anyone else?"

"I thought this kind of stuff happened only in the past," said the Major skeptically. "Have you ever heard of such a thing in this day and age?"

"You are right, it was a lot more common in the past," agreed the Earl. "It is quite rare nowadays, but not unheard of, especially in the nobility circles. It is kind of old-fashioned, I know, but…"

"Father is old-fashioned," said the Major slowly. "It's risky, but I believe he'll probably buy it." If the stories Klaus had heard from the servants over the years held any truth, his father had been quite the romantic in his youth, when he was courting his mother; and even now, his normally grouchy attitude notwithstanding, he was always very gallant to women. There was a very good chance all this 'damsel in distress' and 'romance against the family's wishes' bullshit would actually agree with him.

"All right then…now that we've got the story together, let's discuss our strategy. I'd like to get started as soon as possible, so I plan to talk to Father tonight, unless something unforeseen happens," said the Major. "Knowing him, he'll probably demand to meet you right away, which means you'll have to be ready on very short notice. How soon do you think you can finish with your preparations?"

"Well, I always have my make-up kit with me, but I will need to buy some appropriate clothes for this situation. After all, I wasn't planning on crossdressing on this trip," replied the Earl, and asked in turn, "Do you think one meeting will be enough…?"

"That would be ideal, but I doubt it. Father will most likely want to get to know you and make sure of your character, so he'll probably want to meet you more than once – he may even ask you to stay over at the Schloss," Klaus said with evident discomfort. "So make sure you are prepared for this contingency as well."

"In that case…hmm, the stores are still open, but I may not manage to buy everything I need today. I suppose…if I have until tomorrow noon it will be enough time."

"It will have to do. So the plan is that my father meets you, and we convince him that we are…urgh, a happily married couple," the Major went on. "Hopefully, if all goes well, he'll leave for Switzerland again soon enough and I won't have to be pestered about getting married anymore."

Eroica, however, cast him a doubtful look. "But, Major," he asked, "what about children? Your father will surely expect a grandchild now that you supposedly got married, and you know very well that's the one thing I cannot possibly give you."

"It doesn't matter. Me refusing to marry is one thing; my wife being unable to have children is another. As you know, Catholics can't get a divorce. Eventually my father will just have to cut his losses and agree to appoint one of my cousins' sons as heir to the family." _As he should have done in the first place, instead of forcing me to go through this charade, _Klaus thought, but chose not to say that out loud.

But the Earl had yet to feel completely satisfied about the plan. "There is still one more thing," he remarked. "What if your father comes back to visit unannounced and does not find me here – how are you going to explain my absence? And, for that matter, how are you going to explain to your servants that your wife is not staying in the same house as you? Surely you're not thinking of making me stay in the Schloss forever."

"If I wanted someone around me forever, I'd get a real wife and be done with it," answered the Major. "Look, this is going to be a bit tricky, but not undoable. I myself stay in my apartment in town half the time because of work, not to mention how often I'm away on missions. The way I thought it, we could say that you prefer staying in town rather than in the Schloss because you want to be close to me or some such nonsense. And we could leave some stuff of yours back at the Schloss – a few dresses and such – to keep up the appearance of your presence there. As for my father, he doesn't come to visit all that often, and if he thinks I'm married and settled, he'll probably come even less. In any case, he never comes unannounced, so whenever he does come I'll have enough time to call you to come over and put up the 'happy couple' act again. And in the unlikely event of him coming without warning, or you being unable to be here, I'll make some excuse or other – say that you went to England to visit relatives or attend a funeral or something like that. I do realize this is a long-term commitment," he concluded. "That's why I asked you so many times if you're willing to go through with it."

Dorian gave him a reassuring smile. "Darling, I already told you that if it means helping you out, I would not mind any inconvenience. Besides, you seem to have worked out every detail very well. Then, you go ahead and talk to your father, and I'll wait for you to contact me." He told the Major the name of his hotel, and then went on to say, "But I must ask you to allow me to call my gang in England and tell them I won't be returning for a few days. I was supposed to be back home already, and if I vanish without a trace they might come looking for me; I gather you wouldn't want that."

"Damn right I don't want that. Very well, give them a call, but be careful not to let them know what it is you'll be doing here. I don't care what excuse you give them; just make sure they stay the hell away from here until your work is done."

"Don't worry, love, I'll arrange everything just fine," the Earl assured him. "Well then, I suppose we're done?"

"There's just one last thing," said the Major, pulling some official-looking documents out of his coat pocket. "You need to look through the paperwork."

"Paperwork?" asked the Earl, evidently surprised. "You never thought that you'd need papers establishing your female identity, did you? Such an amateur," snorted the Major derisively, pushing the documents towards him. "This is your ID, your passport and your social security card. The only thing missing is your photo, so take a few ID photos in drag and give them to me tomorrow so that I can complete the documents."

"How did you…" Dorian began to ask, then remembered what the Major did for a living and stopped halfway through his question. Without paying attention to him, Klaus pulled one more document out of his pocket. "You will also need to memorize this. It would be odd if you didn't remember the date or the church of your own marriage," he said, handing it to him.

"Wait…you mean this is…" With trembling hands, Dorian practically snatched the paper from him and unfolded it. It was indeed a marriage certificate, dated approximately eight months ago, signed by the vicar of some obscure Catholic church in the North of England, and certifying the marriage of Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach and the Honorary Miss…

"Dorianne Red Gloria," Dorian whispered in ecstasy. "Dorianne. Dorian." The large azure eyes welled up, and then to Klaus' horror he hastily pulled out a monogrammed white silk handkerchief – trimmed with _lace,_ for crying out loud – and began sniffling into it. "Oh, darling, I never thought I'd live to see the day…"

"It's just to corroborate the story, you idiot! There's no reason to get all worked up!" Klaus cried in frustration, fidgeting awkwardly in his chair; like most men, he felt pretty uncomfortable when someone near him was crying. _Mein Gott, if he gets all sniffly over a piece of paper, he'll throw a regular fit when he sees what's next._

But there was no getting around it, and they could not stay there forever, so after a few minutes, when the Earl seemed to have regained at least part of his composure, the Major pulled yet another object out of his pocket and pushed it towards him. "You will also…need this," he said, evidently dreading the Earl's reaction.

And he was right to dread it, because the thing he gave to him was a small cardboard box, containing…a wedding ring. It was a completely plain gold ring, with nothing distinctive but the initials KD carved in the interior, but to Dorian it was the single most valuable piece of jewelry in the whole world. "Oh!" he exclaimed, bringing his hands to his mouth, and started sobbing into his handkerchief anew. Klaus put a hand over his eyes and looked down in desperation. The things he had to endure in order to stay single.

Fortunately only a few more minutes passed before Dorian's tears finally dried up. He lifted his head and looked at Klaus, his beautiful face aglow with happiness. "This…this is the happiest day of my life," he murmured as though in a dream. Gazing from the ring to his beloved and back in adoration, he finally ventured to ask, "Darling, do you suppose you could…?"

"Like hell," said the Major firmly. The last thing he needed was to further encourage the fop by putting the ring on his finger. "None of this is real, remember that! It is a fake marriage! _Fake_!" He got up in a rush, barked to the Earl to wait for his call and strode out of the bar without one backward glance.

Completely calm now, Eroica stayed back a while longer, sipping his drink and gazing at the door whence the Major had left, a slight smile playing on his lips. "Yes, keep telling yourself that, my dear Major," he muttered quietly. "But I'll find a way to consummate that fake marriage, or my name isn't Dorian Red Gloria."

At the same time, the Major was marching towards the parking lot where his Benz was, with the same satisfied smirk on his face that he usually wore when he had outmaneuvered an enemy. Everything had gone well – better than he had hoped it would. The Earl had completely fallen for it, hook, line and sinker. Come tomorrow, he would have him right where he wanted him.

Footnotes

_Gott sei Dank _= Thank God

_Honorary Miss _= the official title of an English lord's daughter


	3. Interlude 1

**Interlude 1 – A Call Back Home**

Bonham put down the receiver, sighing deeply. Much as he was relieved to hear from the Earl at last – he had begun to get seriously worried over his safety – he wasn't exactly happy to hear the news his employer and friend had relayed to him. Although on some level, it was not totally unexpected.

"_Is that you, Bonham? Thank goodness, I was hoping it would be you," _the Earl's soft voice had said over the phone as soon as he picked up the call. There was quite a lot of noise in the background; evidently, Lord Gloria wasn't calling from his hotel room but from a public phone, although Bonham could not imagine why that was.

"Milord, what have you been doing? You were supposed to be back from Amsterdam two days ago," he had replied, his voice a mixture of gentle reproach and concern. The purpose of Dorian's trip was to attend in his Lord Gloria persona the opening gala of a new private gallery in Amsterdam which was rumoured to have some really valuable paintings for sale, and of course to use this opportunity to check out their security systems. Contrary to his habits, he had gone alone because the gang was busy testing some new burgling equipment they had just acquired, courtesy of Eroica's underworld friends. As for James, who would have most definitely accompanied his beloved lord and master no matter what, he had been detained by the fact that the time to submit tax returns was drawing near, and he was up to his ears in work balancing the Earl's books. Needless to say, he had not liked it at all that Dorian was going to the gala alone, and he had grumbled incessantly about expenses till the Earl had all but given his word that he would sleep on park benches during this trip – not that anyone actually believed he would live up to this promise.

Bonham had pretty much expected the Earl to take a detour to Germany after the gala was over with; after all, Amsterdam was but a few hours by car from Bonn, Lord Gloria had traveled to far more distant places in the past in order to chase after the Major. He had hoped, however, that the Major would be away on a mission as was usually the case with him, preferably halfway across the world, and the Earl would come home empty-handed yet again. But apparently this time Lord Gloria was in luck, and he was in for a world of trouble.

"_I'm calling from Germany, Bonham,"_ the Earl's voice had said, as though that was an explanation for everything. Well, in a way it was; it certainly accounted for a lot of things. "Milord…please don't tell me you're doing what I think you're doing again…"

Eroica's melodic laughter echoed over the phone at his words. _"Well, you know me; I can never miss a chance to take a peek at the object of my desires when I'm next door to it." _Man alive, since when are Amsterdam and Bonn considered being next door? They're in different countries!Bonham wondered with frustration. Although for someone who would travel thousands of kilometers without a second thought just to catch a glimpse of a man who had nothing but insults and punches for him, certainly that kind of distance would be negligible.

"So, when can we expect you back, milord?" he ventured to ask, even though he was no longer hoping for a favorable answer. "We be more or less done testing the new equipment, and we be ready to start planning the operation as soon as you give the word," he went on, in a feeble attempt to capture the Earl's interest; they had been planning this heist for a long time now, and Eroica was really looking forward to it. But just as he expected, Lord Gloria's interest now lay in an entirely different kind of theft.

"_I'm sorry, my dear Bonham, truly I am," _the Earl had replied, _"but for now everything we've been planning must be put on hold. I have undertaken another operation here, and it will have to take precedence over everything else."_

"An operation…all on your own? Will you be able to manage, milord?" Bonham asked. The Earl's words had puzzled him; he did not usually phrase his pursuit of the Major in such businesslike terms as these. Rather, he would be waxing poetic about passion and romance or making lewd insinuations that made Bonham blush even after so many years of hearing them. For a moment, Bonham wondered whether Eroica was in fact after some work of art and not pursuing his romantic interests. But this notion was immediately squashed by the Earl's next words.

"_It will be difficult, I'm sure, but if I'm successful I will bring home the greatest treasure I've ever come across in all of my life," _the Earl's voice had said, brimming with longing. Well, that settled it; there was only one thing residing in Germany that Eroica would call the greatest treasure of his life, and it was a very loud, scary and intimidating Major called Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach. Not something Bonham would call a treasure by a long shot, but then his employer had always been a man of eccentric tastes.

"Do you think…you will succeed in acquiring it safely, milord? As I recall, this operation's quite dangerous…and the guard is, by all accounts, pretty much impregnable."

"_That is so, but this time an unexpected opening has presented itself," _he heard in response. _"It's now or never, Bonham; this kind of opportunity will not come up again, and I simply cannot pass it up."_

An unexpected opening? Bonham wondered what on earth could that mean, but the Earl was evidently unwilling to share any more information, and he knew better than to insist. "How much time do you think you'll need?" he asked instead.

"_Maybe a few days, or maybe more," _Eroica said. _"It's hard to tell at this point. And I may not be able to contact you during the operation, which is why I called you ahead of time so that you won't be worried. I cannot stress this enough, Bonham; until I tell you otherwise, no one of the boys must try to find me or make contact with me, especially James. Can I trust you to make sure of it?"_

"Of course, if that be what you wish, milord," Bonham answered readily. He was well aware how important this was to the Earl, and even though he did not approve of such a dangerous project, he could not bring himself to refuse him anything. Besides, Lord Gloria seemed determined to go ahead with his plans no matter what, and if his endeavors were to be foiled because of Bonham's failure to do what was asked of him he would never be able to live it down. He had sworn long ago that no matter how impossible or crazy his lord's wishes were, he would always find a way to fulfill them.

"_Thank you ever so much, my dear fellow; I know I can always count on you,"_ the Earl said gratefully. _"I promise I'll contact you again as soon as it is safe to do so. One last thing, Bonham; I need to purchase some…tools for the operation, so I'll be using my personal credit card a bit. I know it's really dreadful of me to ask you this, but could you…erm, calm James down a little if I'm not back by the time the credit card bill arrives? You know how he gets when I spend money without running it by him first…" _

Bonham heaved a doleful sigh; fond as he was of his employer, sometimes the tasks he assigned him were just too much. "I'll do my best, milord, but do try to be back before that time. James be a lot more willful when you're not around, you know that better than anyone."

"_I know. I cannot express how sorry I am for putting you through all this trouble, Bonham; you always have to endure so much for my sake, my dear friend. Rest assured that I will make it up to you someday…"_ the Earl's voice sounded a little choked at this point, and Bonham was moved in spite of himself. Lord Gloria might be a flippant and fanciful master, but he was also the most warm-hearted and generous man Bonham had ever known. There was a reason every single member of the gang would gladly brave any danger he asked of them. Hastily he answered, "No apologies are needed, milord; if it's for your happiness I could do anything, you of all people should be aware of that. I just hope this time everything will turn out as you wish. You've been…disappointed so many times regarding this matter…"

"_That I have, but something tells me this time things will be different."_ Then Eroica had inquired after James and the other members of the gang, and gave Bonham some instructions about issues that might arise during his absence. Just before hanging up, he had said, _"Thank you again for all your help, Bonham. I really don't know how I would ever manage without you." _"Think nothing of it, milord," he had replied warmly, "and may you have the best of luck in your efforts. But then, you always do," and on that note they had ended the call.

Thoughtfully, Bonham exited the sitting room where the phone was and headed for the kitchen; it was time to give out instructions for the next day's meals. So the Earl had once again engaged in an endeavor to win over that cold, repressed Major of his. But he seemed way more confident than usual this time, even taking into account his eternal optimism; it almost sounded like he had an ace up his sleeve. Bonham could not imagine what kind of leverage could Lord Gloria have gained all of a sudden over that temperamental mule of a German, but for some reason he felt that this time the Earl's optimism was not entirely unfounded. Besides, with the exception of the Major, Eroica had never failed to obtain anything he had set his heart on so far. Uncle NATO was admittedly the hardest and most unattainable of targets, but even he might not be able to resist the Earl's relentless pursuit to the very end. It might be his loyalty for his lord speaking, but he sincerely believed there was nothing Eroica wasn't capable of when he put his mind to it.

But if he succeeded, then what? Bonham had never really wondered about that possibility before, as it had always seemed improbable to the point of far-fetched. But what if…the Major really did become part of the Earl's life, and not just a target of his advances anymore? The mere thought of that was nigh overwhelming for Bonham; he could not even begin to catalogue the possible consequences of such an event to his life and that of his fellow gang members. What changes would this stern and at the same time volatile man bring with him? Before the Major, Eroica's love interests had little or no effect in the gang's everyday life, and they most certainly never affected the Earl's plans. They were simply means to indulge Lord Gloria's whims, and even though he could be quite infatuated with them at times, he never strayed from his goals for their sakes. Not so with the Major, though. Right from the start, this man who had never given Eroica even a fraction of what all the others had willingly offered, had managed to influence him more profoundly than anyone else ever had.

Bonham did not hate the Major. He was scared of him, yes – everyone was scared of him. But over the years he had got to know him quite well, seeing as he inevitably had to follow in the wake of the Earl's pursuit of him. He had seen him on missions, worked with his team, even become friends with some of them – he could certainly sympathize a lot with agent A, since both of them had to work under deserving but nevertheless demanding bosses. And the opinion he had formed of him over the years…well, it wasn't as simple as calling him good or bad. At first he had pegged him for the stereotype of the military 'stuffed shirt', but soon he had realized there was a lot more beneath that. The Major was not just a 'stuffed shirt' any more than Eroica was just a 'queen'.

For example, even though they were on opposite sides of the law, he had noted quite early that the Major wasn't nearly as ethical as he seemed at first glance, just like Eroica wasn't nearly as corrupt as he seemed at first glance. He was a man of integrity, dedicated to his duty, and would always do his utmost to protect his subordinates from danger, but to his enemies he was a fearful opponent indeed, fierce, ruthless, and perfectly capable of playing dirty. Before encountering him, Bonham had never met anyone who could even remotely measure up to Eroica's deviousness and cunning, but the Major had been able to anticipate his lord's tactics to the last detail after only one or two conflicts with him. It was almost frightening how alike they thought when seeking to get revenge on each other; Bonham remembered well the incident in Palmyra, when both of them had ratted each other out to their respective enemies at exactly the same time. No indeed, the Major was no innocent lamb. In fact, Bonham was fairly sure that if his upbringing had been different, he would have made a fine outlaw – not that he ever intended to tell him that of course. He wasn't feeling suicidal just yet.

Rather, it was as if both Eroica and the Major had each their own set of moral standards which they lived by, obeying that but hardly anything outside this personal code of honour. It could be argued that the Major did what he did for a just cause, but Eroica could also argue that according to his sense of justice he was entitled to acquire the artworks he stole. In the end, it all boiled down to the fact that these two lived by their rules alone, willing to serve no other master but themselves. The Major might call it duty, and Eroica might call it his just rights, but the end result was that they were determined to keep going on the paths they had chosen for themselves and let nothing and no one stand in their way.

Of course they had their obvious differences too – the Earl was charming and gracious, while the Major was gruff and terrifying. The Earl was refined and cultured, while the Major was boorish and unpolished. The Earl was romantic and a bit of a scatterbrain, while the Major was down-to-earth and practical. The Earl was admired and adored, while the Major was hated and feared. But neither of them passed unnoticed – they never failed to make a lasting impression. And if you looked close enough, there were more similarities between them; their courage, determination, leadership skills, even the unerring efficiency in their respective professions. It had been quite a shock for Bonham when one day it had dawned on him that those two were not polar opposites – they were mirror images. At the same time identical and diametrically opposed. It was then that he truly understood for the first time why Eroica had fallen in love with the Major with such an unprecedented passion.

This realization had not made things much easier for him, but at least it enabled him to fully grasp that the Major was the only man destined to be with the Earl. Even so, it had taken him quite some time and emotional turmoil to accept that someone who Eroica was in love with exclusively and unconditionally had finally appeared – and that someone was not himself. Like everyone else in the gang, Bonham had loved Lord Gloria from the moment they met. And the Earl had loved him back too, and he had passed through his bed for a time during the earliest years of their partnership. But he had not been able to stay – nobody had been capable of that. Every member of the gang had been through the same; yet not one had held this against their employer. One and all, they knew perfectly well that someone as free-spirited as the Earl could not be tied down by anybody. He would love them from the bottom of his heart, lavish his affection and generosity on them in abundance, lay his very life on the line in order to protect them – but he would not give up his freedom for anyone. Like a glorious paradise bird, Eroica would always fly to where his desires took him, stay for as long as he felt like staying, and then fly away again, just like that. He might return every now and again, but never stay in the same place forever. Or at least that's how it was until a green-eyed, raven-haired German bird of prey captured him, trapping his heart forever.

Knowing that, all they could do was accept what the Earl was willing to grant them, which was no mean gift after all. As far as Bonham was concerned, the friendship and affection of such a magnificent man was in itself far more than he had the right to ask for. Eroica had given him a home, lifelong friends and the most fulfilling and fascinating live imaginable. Even if he served him for the rest of his life it would not be enough to repay him. Practically everyone in the gang felt the same, and over the years they had been quite content to receive their employer's bountiful care without making any demands beyond that. Those of them who still wanted an intimate relationship eventually found themselves a partner, usually among the gang since they were wary of trusting outsiders. Bonham himself was for two years now in a casual relationship with one of the newest members of the gang, a red-haired youngster with glasses called Nigel, a computer expert who had a thing for father figures. There was only one person in the Earl's household who had never been able to content himself with what Eroica gave him and always, always asked for more – James. Bonham put this down to his greedy nature for the most part; in his life, he had encountered many diverse characters, but never one quite as avid and possessive as James was. Everything James wanted, he had to absolutely possess all of it, and what James wanted was money and the Earl. Money he could obtain and hoard and hold on to with all his might, but the Earl he could never wholly possess, although certainly not for lack of trying. Even though he knew jealousy would not get him any closer to winning over Lord Gloria – in fact it was quite the opposite – he simply could not quit trying to hog the Earl all to himself or interfering with his various love interests, even when their usually benevolent master lost his patience to the point of actually treating him harshly, which was quite out of character for Eroica. If there was one good thing about the Major's appearance in Lord Gloria's life, Bonham thought, it was the fact that he was the one person truly capable of keeping James in check.

Although Eroica would never admit that anything or anyone was capable of interfering with his love life, the truth was that over the years James had proved to be quite efficient in driving away the Earl's numerous lovers. What with his tyrannical attitude and total lack of discretion he was most successful in scaring them off, usually in a matter of weeks. Then the Earl habitually lost interest in them or set his eyes on a new target and the cycle repeated all over again. Perhaps, Bonham thought, James' rate of success in this matter was due to the fact that Eroica's lovers were mostly what the Earl would call 'delicate' and the Major 'wimpy': sweet, pretty boys, beautiful to look at but neither assertive nor strong in character, and therefore easily intimidated by James' unique capability to make them feel unwelcome. But James had certainly met his match in Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach. The Major not only absolutely terrified him, not only was he completely immune to James' rudeness, he had also managed to lock on to his weaknesses with deadly accuracy after only a few encounters with him. The mere mention of his name frightened James out of his wits, so much that sometimes the rest of the gang used it to chase James off when they wanted him out of the way. They didn't do that often, though; like the Lord's, the Major's name ought not to be used in vain, because if he ever found out about it his punishment was far more certain to come than the divine one. If the Major ever actually became intimately involved with Lord Gloria, James would never be able to drive _him_ away; he'd have to learn to coexist with him. That might not be too bad in itself, Bonham thought. Whenever the Major was around, James became far more discreet and compliant than he normally was. Bonham did not dare to expect that he could undergo a complete personality change and actually transform into a decent human being, but perhaps the Major's presence would make him less of a pain to be with.

As for himself and the rest of the gang, Bonham wasn't sure how a mutual relationship between the Earl and the Major was going to affect them. He didn't think Eroica would ever be persuaded to give up thieving; even if he quit it for a few months, eventually he would come across something he'd like to possess and yield to the temptation. Bonham knew his lord and master well; thieving was in his blood, he could no more stop being a thief than he could start lusting after women. Besides, the Major didn't seem all that concerned about Eroica's thefts, unless they involved his belongings or his mission objectives. Other than that, all he would usually do was yell to the Earl to 'hurry up and steal whatever he wanted to steal and get out of his sight'. He'd probably just look the other way regarding Eroica's thefts; the Major had a remarkable ability to disregard whatever displeased him about other people when it benefited him to do so. Bonham had personal experience of this; although he himself was a thief and a homosexual, the Major had never looked down on him for any of this. Quite the contrary, he had commended his usefulness and even offered him a post within his team numerous times, an offer Bonham had no reason to doubt was sincere. Clearly, despite his uptight front, the Major was not the kind of person who would let his prejudices stand in the way of his interests. If he believed it was in his best interest to accept Eroica's way of life, he would do so (although he'd probably have a hard time accepting James). Nevertheless, Bonham hoped that, in the event of those two becoming an item, they would not be around each other all that often. No matter how strongly they might feel for each other, with their dynamic personalities clashing all the time, Bonham foresaw that he'd bear witness to a good many fights of unparalleled magnitude, and that was not something he looked forward to.

But in the long run, it just might be for the best. Sure enough, it would be scary to have a man like the Major permanently entangled in their lives, but deep down Bonham believed that it would be good for Lord Gloria to have someone who could exercise some measure of control over him. Bonham loved his master and was fully aware of all his good qualities, but he was also keenly aware of the fact that he tended to be reckless and oblivious of danger at times, an attitude stemming mostly from his overconfidence in his abilities. Granted, his brain and his skills were unmatched, but even the most gifted person can slip, and their line of work was not exactly devoid of danger. Many times before he had tried to instill some prudence into Eroica's head, but he was never wholly successful. However, after the Major appeared in their lives, Eroica somehow seemed more aware of danger than before, and didn't rush headlong into things as much as he did in the past. He was still a bona fide daredevil, but at least he took the time to consider potential dangers and prepare for them, instead of naively believing that his abilities would see him through no matter what. Bonham attributed this partly to the many dangerous situations Eroica had inevitably been caught in after deciding to romantically pursue one of the leading spies in the world; it was only natural that a close shave or two would go a long way towards making him more cautious. But besides that, there was the influence of the Major himself; although undoubtedly brave and courageous, the Major always took the time to assess the risks involved and plan out the best strategy before confronting a dangerous situation. He was also more emotionally stable than the Earl; he never let his feelings outweigh his judgement when making a decision. Such qualities were of great benefit for an outlaw, Bonham knew that well, and he knew the Earl recognized that too. Truly, those two fitted each other like puzzle pieces; what one had the other lacked, while at the same time they were made of the same material. And like the puzzle pieces, they would never be truly complete until they joined.

But it was still far from certain this would ever come to pass, Bonham reminded himself. Lord Gloria had shown some unusual confidence, but Uncle NATO was one hard nut to crack. There was no telling really whether the Earl would succeed or come back disappointed once again. For now, all he could do was wait and see what would happen. But before that, there was another duty to attend to; deal with James.

Speak of the devil, Bonham thought, as he heard footsteps hurrying down the castle's staircase, and sure enough, a few seconds later the accountant's curly head popped into the kitchen doorway. "Bonham, I heard the phone ring; was it his lordship?"

"Yes, it was milord," Bonham answered. "Oooh, dang it! I wanted to hear him so much! Why is it he always calls when I'm cataloguing my coins? Such an unfortunate coincidence!" Bonham was pretty sure it wasn't a coincidence, but he wisely kept that thought to himself. "So, when is he coming back? It better be soon, I bet he's squandered a ton of money already!"

"Umm…James, milord called to tell us he won't be coming back for a few days," Bonham said tentatively. "Whaaaat? Oh, no, no, no! Amsterdam is full of gay people, I bet he found some pretty boy he wants to cuddle with again! Why would he do that when he has me? And on top of that he's going to stay at some expensive hotel and spend all the money I've been saving all this time! He'll go bankrupt, I just know he will! But I won't stand by and let him be ruined! I'll go and look for a cheap flight to Amsterdam right now! Wait for me, my lord, James is coming for you!"

Bonham buried his face in his hands. For the life of him sometimes he really didn't understand how the Earl could put up with James. Knowing him, it was probably because Lord Gloria didn't have the heart to send away someone who loved him so much. That and the fact that James was probably the only person in existence capable of convincing the IRS that someone who owned a castle, several residences in England and Europe and an ever-growing art collection was actually entitled to a tax refund.

But this was beside the point now. The important thing was to keep James from going to Amsterdam; if he tracked the Earl all the way to Germany he might interfere with Eroica's plans and that would be disastrous indeed. Clearly, this was one of the times when the Major's name would not be taken in vain. Thinking quickly, Bonham said to the little accountant, "James, wait. Milord is not in Amsterdam anymore; he called from Germany."

"Germany? Oh, I knew it! He's gone to chase after that – that – that tank-obsessed monster again!" James wailed. He didn't declare his intention to head straight for Germany this time though, a fact that Bonham found very encouraging. It was evident that James' fear of the Major was still in full effect.

"Yes, you're right," Bonham said, thinking it would be of no use to try and deny the Earl's intentions. "But see, you don't have to worry about expenses or anything. It seems milord walked in on one of the Major's missions again just when Uncle NATO needed someone to crack a safe, and he hired milord to help him."

"Will he pay him then?" James said eagerly, perking up visibly at the prospect of money. "Uh…yes, I'm sure he will," Bonham said. James would kick up one hell of a fuss when he realized there was no mission and no payment, but hopefully by then the Earl would be back to mollify him.

"Oh, but then I need to go there and negotiate the payment!" James cried out. "His lordship is such a pushover when it comes to that gun-wielding maniac! I wouldn't put it past him to work for free in order to get on his good side! I must go there at once to protect my lord's interests! And make sure he doesn't molest that German brute too! I'm sure he'll try it again first chance he gets!"

"No, no, you can't!" Bonham cried out in alarm. "See, milord said this – this be a very top secret operation. Very hush-hush. The Major said he didn't want anyone other than milord on site. In fact," he went on, "I believe he said he has authority to shoot on sight anyone who comes near the mission site without his consent, and he fully intends to use it."

That was putting it on a bit thick, but it had the desired effect. James instantly blanched and started shaking like a leaf. Bonham let out a sigh of relief; sometimes the Major's being so scary sure came handy.

"I'm sure Uncle NATO will properly compensate milord for his efforts," he went on in an attempt to further appease James. "You know how he hates owing him anything. Anyway, we best stay put and wait to hear from milord, okay? He said he'll come back as soon as the mission be over with. I'm sure he'll be delighted when he sees how much money you saved him from taxes."

James brightened up a little at this, and after a little more gentle persuasion he went back to his squalid room to resume working on the books – under the light of an oil lamp of course, he would never bring himself to waste electricity. Bonham sighed deeply and leaned heavily against the wall, thoroughly exhausted. Boy, that was one hell of an ordeal, and he hadn't even told James about the expenses the Earl planned to make. He would wait until the credit card bill arrived for that, though. If the Earl wasn't back by then he'd see how to break it to James – a good idea would be to lock him in his room and slide the bill under the door or something. But hopefully the Earl would return by that time and take it upon himself to pacify his accountant. If perchance he brought the Major with him, he could put him to good use towards that end.

Bonham closed his eyes and thought of his lord and friend, now entwined in yet another deadly dance with his nemesis. Courting danger was Eroica's bread and butter, but for how much longer would he be able to court danger and emerge unscathed? Would this love become his happiness, or spell destruction for him? "May God be with you, milord," he whispered, "even though you don't believe in Him. This time I reckon you're going to need all the help you can get."


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Note:** In many fics I've seen Klaus' father referred to as 'Graf' – I suppose it's some sort of title – but seeing as in modern Germany there are no official nobility titles and Klaus' father had a military ranking, I decided to refer to him by his military title instead. From what I've been able to find out from the manga, the only clues regarding his ranking is that it's higher to that of a Major and that he used to be a Tank Corps Commander during the war. From what little I know about the army, officers above the ranking of Colonel do not usually command units directly – hence, I decided to make him a Colonel.

**Chapter 3 – Meet the Father-in-Law**

Just as he intended, Klaus put the plan into action that very evening. As soon as dinner was over with, he went over to his father who was sitting in an armchair in the sitting-room reading the evening paper, with his customary evening glass of gin on the table beside him. Standing stiffly at attention before his father, he said in his most formal tone, "Sir, could I have a moment of your time? I have something very important to tell you."

His father, Colonel von dem Eberbach, looked up from his paper momentarily, giving him a freezing glance. "Unless you want to tell me that you are going to see Fräulein Rittenbauer again and apologize for your abominable manners, I don't want to hear it," he said curtly and buried himself behind his paper again.

Klaus did not let that discouraging reaction deter him. "I'm afraid I must insist, sir," he said, purposely keeping his voice steady and calm. "I have a very good reason why I cannot see Fräulein Rittenbauer or any other fräulein with the intent of marriage, and I believe it is time to tell you about it." That certainly got his father's attention. He put down his paper and looked up at his son, who was still standing at attention in front of him. "Very well, I shall listen to what you have to say, but if it's the usual excuses again I will not stand for it, Klaus Heinz," he said drily and gestured for him to continue.

"I believe it would be best to continue our conversation in the study, sir," Klaus said. "This might take a while, and I for one would prefer some privacy."

His father gave him a look of surprise, but he nodded sharply and got up, taking his glass of gin with him. It looked like his son had something really important to tell him, and he had a feeling he would need the drink to get him through it.

As soon as they were seated in the study with the massive oak door securely closed, his father gave him an inquiring look. Klaus wasted no time with platitudes and cut straight to the chase.

"Sir, I've been telling you for a while that I do not wish to get married, but I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you. I did not refuse what you asked of me because I do not want to get married, but because I cannot."

"Cannot? What nonsense is this, Klaus Heinz? What could possibly prevent you from getting married? You are at an appropriate age and in good health, so why would you say you cannot marry?"

"Because bigamy is a crime, sir," Klaus said with a straight face, ready to give the performance of his life. "I've never told you this, but for several years now I've been in a…relationship with a lady, and eight months ago I married her." At least the relationship part was true; he and Eroica certainly had a relationship, although probably not the kind his father would imagine.

Eberbach senior for once lost his rigidity and gaped at his son wide-eyed. Then indignation kicked in, and his face turned a deep shade of crimson as he sprang up from his chair. Klaus would have sworn he could see steam rising from his father's head.

"M-married, you say?" he sputtered, almost incoherent with rage. "You went and got married without consulting with your own father? And on top of that you waited _eight_ _whole months_ to tell me, and you let me make a fool of myself by arranging marriage meetings for you when you knew you could not go through with them in the end? Klaus Heinz, this is unheard of! I do not remember raising such a misbehaved son! What on earth possessed you to do such a thing? And let me tell you, you better have a very good reason to give me!"

"Sir, I am fully aware that I am at fault for keeping this from you," Klaus said in the most contrite tone he could manage without acting overly dramatic. "But it was absolutely necessary to keep my marriage a secret from everyone, not just you. If you would let me explain…"

But his father was not inclined to listen to explanations, it seemed. "The only reason _I_ can think of for you keeping this marriage a secret from your father is because you believed I would not approve of your wife," he said incisively. "Don't even try to deny it, Klaus Heinz; I'm sure that's what it is. _Mein Gott, _I could never have believed you would shame your family to the point of giving the von dem Eberbach name to some tramp…"

"Sir, this is my wife you're talking about," Klaus cut in sharply, his eyes blazing. To his surprise, his anger wasn't entirely simulated; in all the years he knew Eroica, he had called him the most horrible names several languages had to offer, but for some reason he became immensely annoyed when he heard someone else belittle him. It was admittedly an odd sort of possessiveness, but he almost felt that insulting the Earl was his own exclusive privilege, not to be usurped by others.

His father was surprised as well by his intense reaction, and cut his lecture short. Collecting himself, Klaus said in a calmer voice, "I assure you, sir, that the woman in question is no tramp; she is a perfect lady, and of noble blood too."

"What is the name of her family?" his father asked at once; clearly he intended to start collecting information on his mysterious daughter-in-law immediately. Klaus congratulated himself for having the precaution to maintain the true nationality of his 'wife'; if he had claimed that Eroica was German his father would probably see through the lie in no time. "You probably wouldn't know it, sir, because she is not German, she is English. Her name is Dorianne Red Gloria, daughter of the Earl of Gloria."

Fortunately his father was clearly not as well-versed in English nobility as he was in German aristocracy, for the name he said evidently meant nothing to him. "So she is English, huh?" he said, perhaps a fraction less angry than before. "Well, I won't deny I would have preferred it if you married a good German girl, but I would not have objected for that reason alone if otherwise the lady in question was suitable for you and the family. Surely you didn't keep this a secret from me because of that, did you Klaus Heinz? I would have thought you knew me better than that."

"No, sir, like I said, we kept our recent marriage a secret from everyone, not you in particular. Dorianne could not risk her family finding out, because they were completely against her marrying me."

This new piece of information caused his father to spring up from his chair bristling once again. "_Was sagst Du da_?" thundered the old soldier. "Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach, scion of the von dem Eberbach family, was not considered an appropriate groom by those stuck-up Brits? Klaus Heinz, I demand that you give me their contact information immediately. I have a thing or two to say to those snot-nosed aristocrats who think that MY son is not good enough for them!"

_Well, what do you know,_ Klaus thought, _it seems that my old man doesn't think of me so badly after all. _However, as there were no in-laws available for his father to quarrel with, it was imperative to calm him down at all costs. "I'm afraid you misunderstood, sir; they did not object to me personally. Dorianne's family had arranged for her to marry someone else before she met me, and they would not hear of her breaking off the match. You know how obstinate these English lords can get when it comes to keeping their word, right?"

"_Ja, das stimmt_," his father agreed grumpily. "I suppose it is possible for noblemen to get too caught up in outdated traditions." _Hark who's talking about sticking to outdated traditions,_ thought Klaus, but given the circumstances he held his tongue.

"However, this does not excuse you for deceiving your father in such a manner, Klaus Heinz," the Colonel said sternly. "What you did was very disrespectful to me, and the only allowance I would be willing to make is that your judgement was clouded by the folly of youth." Klaus could barely refrain from rolling his eyes at these words and keep a serious face, in a valiant attempt to maintain the appearance of a repentant son. He was only too happy Eroica wasn't present during this conversation; he strongly suspected that hearing him of all people being accused of 'folly of youth' would have sent the Earl into a laughing fit that would last for days at least.

For the next half-hour his father continued lecturing him on the severity of his misconduct, his neglect of his obligations to the family, etc., etc. Well trained from past experience, Klaus maintained an attitude calculated to get him through the storm as quickly as possible, which basically consisted of listening politely, nodding obediently and occasionally inserting short, docile answers like "Yes, sir," and "You are absolutely right, sir," into his father's sermon. Finally, when the Colonel seemed to have run out of words capable of pointing out the errors of his son's ways he paused to catch his breath and fell silent for a while, taking a few sips of his gin. Then he started speaking again.

"…Nevertheless, the imprudence of your actions does not change the fact that you are married now," the Colonel went on. "Even though I am most unwilling to condone your reprehensible behaviour, it might turn out for the best after all, since you will finally have a family of your own. Of course, now that I know of your marriage, there is no need for you to live apart from your wife any longer. If she is as you say, there is no reason not to introduce her to me. When do you think you can send for her? As you can imagine, I would like to see my daughter-in-law as soon as possible."

If nothing else, Klaus knew his father well; he had anticipated exactly that reaction from him. "As it happens, sir, Dorianne is in Bonn right now, she came a few days ago. We thought it would be best if she stayed in town until I broke the news to you first. So, if you wish you can meet her right away." Fortunately the next day was a Saturday and the Major had no work, which meant the first meeting could take place without delay.

The Colonel drew his eyebrows together suspiciously. "I thought you said she didn't want her family to find out about your marriage," he said. "Did it not occur to her that coming here would give that away?"

Now here was a difficult question to answer; his father was way too smart to be underestimated, the Major reminded himself. Thinking quickly, he replied, "Uh, that's just it, sir; Dorianne's family found out about the marriage a short while ago, and she had a huge fight with them over it. It seems that…for the time being, they want nothing to do with her. Of course, when she told me about it, I could not leave her alone in that state, but with you here I could not go to her either; so I told her to come to me instead. After all, now that her family knows, there was no reason to keep you in the dark any longer, and I was sure you'd want to meet her once you found out about her."

"I see," the Colonel said. "Well, of course it is understandable you would want to comfort your wife when she is in such a predicament. In that case, there is no need for dallying about it any further. Bring her over to the Schloss tomorrow." And with that terse order, he got up from his seat, signaling the end of the conversation.

It was only when he was left alone in the spacious, dimly-lit room that the Major finally allowed himself to smile with satisfaction. Undoubtedly, phase one of the plan had gone swimmingly well. Despite his initial reaction, the Major was positive that his father had taken the news quite well; even his lecturing only had a small portion of its usual sting. Of course, that was to be expected; he had been trying to get Klaus married for years, so now, his son's 'disobedience' notwithstanding, the Colonel evidently wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was sure to be favourably disposed towards his 'daughter-in-law'; Eroica would probably have no difficulty charming him. He certainly had a knack for it; Klaus had to hand it to the fop, he was especially good at making people warm up to him. It occurred to him at that moment that he ought to be feeling guilty for setting his own father up to be ensnared by a depraved faggot trickster, but he quickly shrugged it off. Served the old man right for always trying to impose his wishes on him, and besides his freedom was at stake here; there was very little he wouldn't be willing to do in order to remain a bachelor. The irony of it all was that Eroica, too, would do practically everything in order to keep him a bachelor, he was well aware of that. It wasn't the first time the two of them had shared a common goal, but it was the first time the Major had actually decided to work together with Eroica towards achieving it. So far, he had to admit the partnership appeared beneficial, but the most important stages of the plan were yet to come.

After making sure his father had retired upstairs and there were no servants in the vicinity, he went to the sitting-room where the telephone was. He found the number of the Earl's hotel from the information pages, dialed it and asked for Lord Gloria.

"I'm sorry, sir, I'm afraid Lord Gloria checked out a few hours ago," a clerk informed him. For a moment, Klaus just stood there completely speechless, gripping the receiver with enough force to break it in half, his iron self-control barely keeping him from having a panic attack. _Don't tell me that fop tricked me and run out on me! If he thinks he can pull such a stunt on Iron Klaus and get away with it, he's even more of a nitwit than I thought! No matter where he goes I'll find him, and when I do, he'll wish he had never been born! _Such were the thoughts running rampant through the Major's mind, when the clerk on the other end of the line went on to say, "…Oh, but he left a number where he could be reached in case someone asked for him, would you like to write it down?"

Klaus automatically grabbed a notepad and pen from a nearby table and wrote the number down, a wave of relief washing over him. Surely the thief would not have left a contact number behind if he was running away. But still, what was his purpose for checking out of his hotel all of a sudden? Klaus took a look at the number he'd written down, and then on impulse dialed the information pages again and asked who it belonged to. As it turned out, it was another hotel, situated at some distance from the previous one, but not too far. The Major furrowed his brow and paced about the room for a few moments, confounded; why had the Earl checked out of his hotel merely to check in another? Another of his whims, perhaps? But Klaus knew from experience that Eroica always put his whims aside when he had a set purpose, and this time he definitely had more than adequate motivation. Then it hit him: Eroica wasn't being whimsical or running away, he was covering his tracks. He had checked in the first hotel as a man, and if he were to leave as a woman someone was bound to notice. Cursing himself for not having thought of it first, the Major dialed the number given to him and this time he asked for 'Fräulein Gloria'. Just as he expected, the clerk put him through to a room without turning a hair.

"I see you found me, darling," the Earl's purring voice echoed over the phone. "I was really worried whether you'd know where to reach me. Those hotel clerks can be so negligent at times…Darling? You're awfully quiet, are you mad at me for changing hotels without telling you?"

_Is that a trick question, you idiot? You only scared me half to death here!_ But this was not the time to fling his usual volley of abuses at the thief; he still needed his cooperation, and angering him would be rather unwise at this point. Mustering all his reserves of self-restraint, he said in a relatively calm voice, "I admit I wasn't expecting it, but it was the right thing to do. Although it would have been better if you had told me beforehand. You know I don't like surprises."

"I know darling, I'm sorry, but it only occurred to me after you had left. I thought of calling you at the Schloss, but you had said you were going to talk to your father tonight, and I didn't want to interrupt you in the middle of such an important conversation. I was planning to call you first thing tomorrow if I didn't hear from you tonight, though," the Earl said in his most honeyed tones. He heard a snort at the other end of the line, but no further comments, which led him to believe the Major was gradually getting over his anger. He let a few moments pass and then asked, "So, did you talk to your father like you were planning?"

"Ja, we finished talking just now," said the Major. "And? How did he take the big news?"

"Pretty much as I expected. At first he got mad because I kept my 'marriage' a secret from him, but then he decided that my finally marrying outweighed my act of insubordination. And just as I told you, he wants to meet with his daughter-in-law soon – tomorrow, in fact. I trust you'll be ready by noon tomorrow, like you said?"

"Yes, I'm more or less prepared," answered the Earl. "I only need to pick up a few dresses that needed adjustments tomorrow morning, and then I'm all yours."

The Major winced, trying not to think what kind of 'adjustments' Eroica's garments would be needing for him to wear them. "Then I shall come tomorrow at noon at your hotel to pick you up, like we arranged. Don't forget to have those photos I told you about with you, we'll make a quick stop to complete your documents before going to the Schloss. And one last thing: my father expects a lady of noble upbringing, so make sure you act like one. He'll have no patience for your usual…mannerisms."

"Darling, you seem to forget that I'm a nobleman born and bred," Dorian pouted over the phone. "There's absolutely _nothing_ wanting with my manners when I want to, you may be sure of it. I guarantee that your father will find me a most charming lady, mannerisms and all."

"If you make good on that, I _might _forgive you for _some_ of the suffering you've caused me all these years," said the Major, grudgingly deciding to give his accomplice at least a vestige of additional incentive. "Tomorrow then, at twelve hundred hours."

"It's a date, darling," replied the Earl joyfully and quickly hang up before the Major had a chance to reciprocate by calling him by any of his usual epithets. Elated, he giggled giddily, murmuring to himself, "I've always wanted to say that." Then he went over to the room's spacious closet and opened it, revealing an impressive amount of expensive dresses (James would have seven fits upon seeing the credit card bill). "I'll make the final decision tomorrow, when I have them all here, but it can't hurt to start trying them on tonight, right? After all, I'll be dressing up for my darling Major for the very first time!" He giggled giddily again and practically dove into the closet, immersing himself in a flurry of pricey fabrics.

DKDKDKDKDKDKDKDK

Exactly at noon of the following day, the Major strode into the hotel where Eroica was staying. He asked for the room of 'Fräulein Gloria' and the clerk informed him that the lady was in the hotel lobby at the moment. Klaus marched into the lobby and cast his eyes about, but saw no sign of his fake wife. Just when he was about to go back to the reception desk and bite the clerk's head off for giving him inaccurate information, a familiar voice called out to him, "Over here, darling."

The Major walked over to the table whence the voice came from, trying hard not to let his amazement show on his face. Even though he had first-hand experience of Eroica's prodigious talent for disguises, even though he actually had an appointment to meet him here dressed as a woman, he still had to look twice to make sure that the elegant and proper English maiden beckoning at him was in fact the thief in drag. Dressed in a full-length, sky-blue and white muslin dress with a discreet flower pattern, Eroica was at the moment the perfect picture of a noble young lady down to the last detail, from the dainty pearl earrings on his ears to the pure white gloves on his hands and the low-heeled stylish shoes. His makeup was very discreet too, just enough to enhance his feminine look, and he had part of his abundant golden hair braided and tied in two plaits knotted together in the back of his head in a very ladylike style. But it wasn't just his appearance; like every time he crossdressed, Eroica's very personality seemed to have changed to fit his image. From the way he sat with his legs primly crossed to the modest gestures of his hands and his unmistakably British intonation, everything about him practically screamed 'English young lady of good family'.

"Right on time as always, my dear Major," he said graciously, smiling warmly at the Major. However, this time there was nothing improper or seductive about his manners, Klaus noted with some surprise; if he didn't know better, even he would have sworn this was just a young lady being courteous to an acquaintance. If nothing else, Eroica seemed to take his impersonation very seriously. With a shy smile, he cast his eyes down and asked coyly, "So, how do I look?"

"Like someone who is fishing for compliments," the Major said curtly. The Earl shook his head regretfully. "I see you still don't know how to treat a lady, my dear Major," he said in mock disappointment. "I must say, I have pretty much despaired of ever seeing you properly court a woman."

"Then be glad you're not one," whispered the Major between his teeth. Then he said out loud, "Are you ready to leave? We ought not to be late; my father will be expecting us."

"Of course, dear." Eroica got up, put his straw hat on and picked up his purse, and then he took the Major's arm, even though it had not been offered. Klaus grit his teeth; he more or less expected the fop to take liberties with him when he would not be able to defend himself, but being unable to retaliate rankled nonetheless. But he had no choice in the matter, so he just put up with it until they reached his car, when he made a point of withdrawing his arm rather rudely. However, Eroica did not seem at all put out by his brusque attitude, and sat on the passenger's seat with the same sweet smile on his face. The Major got in himself and asked immediately, "The photos?"

"Here." Eroica opened his purse and handed him a tiny envelope. The Major checked the ID photos inside for a second, then put it in his inner pocket. Without a word, he started the engine and drove to an underground parking lot. "Wait here. I will be back in thirty minutes," he said tersely and then got out and locked the car with the thief still inside it. The Earl let out a sigh and leaned back to his seat, resigned to the prospect of a boring half-hour wait. His Major's manners certainly had a lot of room for improvement, he thought. It surely was a testament to his feelings for the man that he had been able to put up with them for all those years.

Exactly half an hour later, the Major returned and they set off for the Schloss. While driving, Klaus suddenly turned to the thief and said, "There's something else you need to know; I told my father yesterday that the reason you came here was because your family found out about our marriage and they cut all ties with you. It wasn't in our plans, but I needed an excuse as to why I could disclose my 'secret' to my father now."

"No, it was good thinking," Eroica said approvingly. "That way, I have a perfect excuse for not contacting any family members while I'm here, and what's more, now that he thinks my family has disowned me, your father will not ask to meet with them any time soon."

The Major nodded, pleased with himself; he had not thought of that at all. After a short pause the Earl asked, "You know, I've been worried about something else, though; your butler has seen me quite a few times, what if he recognizes me for who I am?"

"We'll say you are the Earl's twin sister, therefore you are supposed to look like him," said the Major unperturbed. "That way we can also explain why your 'brother' was so familiar with me. Don't worry; Herr Hinkel would not imagine even for a second that I would do something so preposterous as to have a crossdresser pose as my wife in front of my father."

"And that's why I love you so much, Major," cooed Dorian with a dazzling smile, "you always manage to surprise everyone, even me." All of a sudden Klaus turned towards him sharply and transfixed him with a glare. "Lay off with all the love crap already, will you?" he said irritably. "You always go on and on about love and romance, but in the end it's all about your amusement, isn't it?"

As if struck by an invisible hand, the smile was wiped instantly from Dorian's face. "Major…do you honestly believe this is nothing but amusement to me?" he asked in an uncharacteristically serious tone.

"Isn't it? Pushing my buttons all the time, making me lose control of myself…you just can't get enough of it," said the Major acidly. "Are you seriously going to deny you're getting a kick out of this?"

"I won't deny that everything about you is fascinating to watch, Major," Dorian said in the same serious tone. "Even what others might consider dangerous, like your anger, which has all the magnificent destructiveness of a thunderstorm…But whatever you may think of me, I'm not that much of a masochist, you know," he went on, eyeing Klaus steadily. "I don't find it in the least amusing to be constantly rejected by the man I love."

"Then why are you still chasing after me?" demanded the Major, unwittingly voicing one of those questions that had been haunting him for a whole year now. "If you don't like it, why do you keep coming back for more?"

"Because here is what I want," the Earl said simply. "And what I want, I _always_ get. Don't ever forget that." There was that look in his eyes again – that look of steely, unyielding determination Klaus had seen only a few times in all the years he knew the man; but every time he saw it, he was painfully reminded that this adversary was not to be trifled with. He might appear harmless, but there was no one as crafty and relentless as him when he was really set on something. At times, in the privacy of his innermost thoughts, the Major had even admitted to himself that, annoying as it was to be loved by Eroica, it was still far, far more preferable to being hated by him.

The remainder of the drive passed in silence and soon enough the imposing towers of Schloss Eberbach came into view. Dorian regained his spirits at the sight of it; indeed, it would be quite refreshing to be welcomed as a guest of honour to the place whence he had been kicked out of so many times. The Major parked the car in front of the main entrance and, before getting out, slipped a gold ring on his finger, almost identical to the one he had given Eroica the day before. Dorian already had his on, of course; as if he could resist flaunting it as much as possible. Klaus got out of the car and made a show of opening the door for the Earl and helping him get out as well; you never knew if his father or anyone of the servants was watching the scene from a window. Even though he knew it was all for show, Dorian's eyes glowed happily nonetheless; up till then, only in his dreams had the Major ever been so attentive to him. As soon as they entered the castle, Klaus asked the young servant who opened the door for them for the whereabouts of his father.

"The master is expecting you at the west sitting-room, sir," the servant answered dutifully, all the while gaping at the tall and beautiful lady holding on to the young master's arm. This was the first time the poor lad saw his master bring home a woman, and such a beauty she was, too…Unable to resist his nature, Eroica flashed the servant a smile that almost sent the unfortunate boy swooning, until his eyes met with one of the Major's glares, which was the equivalent of a bucketful of icy water. Wisely deciding it would be best to focus on his duties rather than the young master's companion, the servant fled the scene as quickly as his feet could carry him.

With Eroica still latched on his arm, Klaus led the way in his customary brisk pace to the aforementioned room and pushed the massive doors open. His father was indeed sitting there, buried behind a newspaper as usually, but as soon as the door opened he got up at once from his armchair, standing bolt upright. Dorian watched him with interest; the Colonel looked a lot like the Major, in a more aged version; he was also tall and well-built, with a decidedly military posture, although perhaps not as muscular as his son, and he had the same green eyes and black hair, cropped short and greying at the temples. Aside from a few wrinkles, his face was not at all bad for a man of his age, Dorian thought, although he could certainly do without the stern and forbidding expression. Still, this was only to be expected of the man who had raised the human tank that was the Major. Klaus marched straight up to his father and stood at attention before him; Dorian half expected him to salute, so formal was his attitude. "Sir, I would like to introduce you to my wife, Dorianne; Dorianne, this is my father, Colonel Heinz Friedrich von dem Eberbach."

"A pleasure to meet you, sir," Eroica said demurely with downcast eyes, holding out his gloved hand. The Colonel took it and bowed over it saying, "_Sehr erfreut, meine geehrte Frau_." Dorian was surprised by this display of good manners; he had expected the Major's father would be every bit as boorish as he was. The Colonel gestured at them to sit on the sofa opposite his armchair, and sat down himself. Dorian still had his eyes modestly cast down, but he could feel the appraising scrutiny of the Colonel's eyes all over him. After a few moments of silence, the older man started talking.

"As you can imagine, it was quite a shock for me when Klaus Heinz informed me of your marriage yesterday," the Colonel said stiffly. "Even though I wished for him to get married for many years now, I must confess I did not wish for it to happen in such a rash and undignified manner as this."

"I understand that very well, sir," Eroica said in an apologetic tone that could have won him an Academy award any day. "It is only natural you would be angry with us for keeping something so important a secret from you. But if you cannot find it in your heart to forgive us, at least blame not Klaus but me. He would never have disregarded his duty as your son to such an extent, were it not for his feelings for me and his wish to deliver me of my pitiful situation." He directed a glance of open adoration at the Major next to him as he said that. Oh, but it felt good to be able to express his feelings for the man so openly without having to worry about sustaining critical injuries for once, and he intended to take full advantage of it.

"About your situation…Klaus Heinz told me that your family had arranged for you to marry someone else," the Colonel went on with the interrogation. "He did not tell me, however, how that resulted in your secret marriage."

"Yes, it is as you say," sighed Eroica. "As ridiculous as it sounds in our age, I was betrothed to a nobleman since I was a little girl. Oh, that dreadful old Lord Price…he was a man of fortune and power, of course, but still, a man more than twenty years older than me! But, even if he were the best man in the world, after I met Klaus I could not possibly think of marrying anyone but him." After another adoring look towards the Major (who was stunned speechless by this unparalleled performance), he went on. "Mother, however, was adamant that I should marry him, she would not even consider meeting with Klaus no matter how many times I begged her to. I kept making excuses to put the marriage off until a solution could be found, but about eight months ago Mother insisted that she would not tolerate any more delays and that my official engagement with Lord Price would definitely take place the following spring no matter what. About that time Klaus happened to come over to England to see me – secretly, of course – and when he heard of this, he insisted that we should get married at once, without telling anyone. "That way, no one will be able to take you from me," isn't that what you said, darling?" he said, addressing the still dumbfounded Major. Klaus barely had the presence of mind to nod in agreement, inwardly marveling at Eroica's acting talent; that incomparably audacious person had made the frigid Iron Klaus out to be some sort of romantic hero, and it actually sounded believable.

Encouraged by the Major's confirming nod, Dorian carried on with his prepared speech. He had not spent the previous night just trying dresses on; all the while he was replaying over and over in his head what he would say to the Major's father, how he would answer any questions he might be asked, how he would act around him, everything down to the last detail. Of course he had left some room for improvisation; he could modify his performance according to the target's disposition if need be, but he wanted to be as well-prepared as possible.

"So we went away for a weekend to… (he mentioned the town specified in his forged marriage certificate) and got married there," he went on. "I asked Klaus to keep it a secret for a while, hoping that I could make Mother see reason in the meantime, but unfortunately it was a wasted effort in the end," he sighed dejectedly. "She happened upon my wedding ring a few weeks ago, and she was absolutely furious. We had the most dreadful scene, and after that I thought it would be best to leave for a while and give Mother some time to calm down. When I told Klaus, he said I might as well come here and meet with you, since there was no more need for secrecy. He felt really bad for concealing our marriage from you all this time, I assure you, and so did I," he went on in a slightly trembling voice that could have melted stone; Klaus noticed with considerable surprise that even his father's stern countenance softened a bit. Inwardly, he made a mental note never to underestimate the fop's histrionic skills in the future.

"You keep referring to your mother regarding this matter," the Colonel asked curiously, "what about your father? Did he not have any say in all this?"

"Ah, you see, my father passed away many years ago," Eroica said calmly. "The current Earl of Gloria is my twin brother, but Mother has cut ties with him a long time ago and forbidden me and my sisters to have any contact with him. He is…" he hesitated for a moment, "…he is a homosexual, sir," he said in a low voice, darting a quick glance to see the two men's reaction to his statement. The Colonel had an openly disapproving look on his face, he noted with a hint of annoyance, which he tried his best to overcome; at least now he knew where Klaus had got his whole homophobic routine from. As for the Major, he was obviously horror-struck; what the hell was that idiot playing at now, actually saying outright he had a faggot brother to his father? Did he intend to sabotage the plan after all? The Earl caught his frightened expression and gave him the most imperceptible reassuring nod, as he went on to say, "But I have to confess, sir, that I haven't completely severed my ties with him; I know his way of life is frowned upon, but we are twins and as such we have a special bond. The rest of my family doesn't know that I keep in touch with him, but I want to be absolutely honest with you from now on; I think this is the only way for you to accept me as part of your family." Klaus saw with amazement his father's countenance softening once again; damn but the fop was good. He would never have imagined his father would accept anyone related to him having anything to do with queers, and yet…But still, he could not figure out what was the thief's purpose in saying all that. Just as he was wondering about it, there was a discreet knock on the door. It was one of the footmen, announcing that there was a telephone call for the Colonel. Stating he would return shortly, the old man excused himself and marched out of the room.

"What the hell was that about?" the Major whispered angrily as soon as his father was out of earshot. "Why on earth would you say your brother is a fag to my father of all people? He is even worse with queers than I am; what were you thinking?"

"It's you who's not thinking, darling," countered Dorian in an equally hushed voice. "Or have you forgotten that the Earl of Gloria is a very real and very openly _gay_ person? If your father inquires about the Gloria family, that's the first thing he's going to find out, so he might as well hear it from me now, rather than find out later and think I purposely kept it from him. If you want me to win his trust, this is the only way to go about it."

"But what if he does not approve of you because of this?" "He may not like it, but he'll bear with it," said the Earl with confidence. "After all, it's not like he will ever have to associate with my 'brother'. Every family has a black sheep, Major; do you know what most of them do with it? Unless they are forced to do otherwise, they look the other way and try to forget it even exists. I should know," he added with a sudden and unexpected bitterness. "The black sheep of the Gloria family is none other than me."

Klaus looked at him with some surprise; he had read the particulars about Dorian's family members in his information file, but he had never really thought about his relations with his family; come to think of it, the Earl had never alluded to them before. He had assumed that Dorian had thrown them aside so that they wouldn't interfere with his illegal and immoral interests, but now he realized it was probably the opposite: _Dorian _had been cast aside by his family, not vice versa. From the society's point of view, they were right to renounce him; he was an outlaw, an offender in every sense of the word. It was only natural they would disapprove of him. But wasn't it pretty much the same with him, even though he was supposed to be a model son, a man of principles and an upstanding member of society? And yet, despite that, he was more or less an outcast as well; perhaps even more so than Eroica, for he at least had the acceptance and adoration of his faithful crew. The Major's alphabets were admittedly loyal to him, but they did not accept him; they put up with him. Well, it's not like he needed anyone's acceptance or approval; so far he had done just fine without it and he definitely intended to continue that way. What had truly astounded him though, was the fact that even though his and the Earl's conduct could not have been any more different, their respective families treated them with equal harshness in the end. One could not help but wonder what was the point in bending over backwards in order to conform to family rules and regulations if, at the end of the day, he was going to be just as looked down on as someone who never gave a fig about them.

"Besides," Dorian went on, ignorant of Klaus' present thoughts, "you said it yourself, there is evidence of you being at least on speaking terms with Lord Gloria, and how else could he have gotten to know you except through his 'sister'? Revealing my sexual orientation to your father is not a problem, but I don't think it would be at all wise to reveal my secret identity as well."

The Major had to acknowledge the validity of this argument. Indeed, having a queer brother-in-law might be tolerable, but an outlaw being related to his family was a completely different story. Luckily, his butler and the rest of the staff who had met the Earl before had no idea about this hidden side of his; to them, he was an eccentric nobleman who enjoyed playing pranks on their master. They knew the Major did not approve of him, but that meant nothing really; there was practically no man on earth the Major approved of. They might also have suspected the two of them had dealings related to the Major's work, but as they had next to no idea what the Major's work entailed, they had no way of knowing exactly how Eroica was involved in it. With a bit of decent acting, it would be easy to convince them that the Major tolerated Lord Gloria's antics all this time for the sake of his beloved wife.

Just as he was thinking about all this, his father's familiar military footfall signaled the Colonel's return to the room. The old man resumed his seat and fixed his gaze once more on the pair sitting opposite him; then he cleared his throat and started speaking again.

"Regarding what we were discussing just now," he said in his usual stiff tones, "I would like to be honest with you as well, _meine Frau_. I most certainly have no intention of applauding your brother's…deviations, but I do understand your bond as siblings, and far be it from me to ask of you to sever it. As long as you make sure that your brother does not bring any public disgrace to this family, I have no reason to interfere with your personal relationship." Klaus had to admit that the thief had gauged his father's reaction perfectly; he would never have thought that the stern and rigid Colonel would be so easily disposed to 'look the other way', but apparently his father had a lot more flexibility than he had given him credit for. He was slightly annoyed at the fact that his father was being way more lenient with that miscreant of a fop he had just met than he had ever been with his own son – who, by the way, had never been anything of a miscreant – but in the end, it all worked out according to his plan, and bearing with that kind of annoyance was a small price to pay.

Having closed this topic, the Colonel went on with his questioning. "Well then, Klaus Heinz, you never did tell me how you met with your wife," he said, turning to the Major. "Were you two introduced by a mutual acquaintance?" Klaus could barely refrain from smiling to himself; obviously his father was still looking for a potential information source, but unfortunately for him it was not going to be that easy.

"No, sir, our first meeting was somewhat more out of the ordinary than that," he said. "You may remember a cruise ship called the _Michaelangelo_ that was seajacked some years ago?"

The Colonel frowned in an effort to remember the incident. "I seem to recall something of the sort," he said eventually. "A hostage situation, if I remember correctly. But what was your involvement in this, Klaus Heinz? That would be a case for the police, would it not?"

"Indeed, sir, but I had a mission to retrieve a certain something that was hidden in one of the crates in the cargo hold." The Major decided not to go into any more details; his father didn't need to know his mission was to flip a statue's skirt. "It was imperative to retrieve the object in question as fast as possible, so I had no choice but to raid the ship, and that's where I met Dorianne."

"So, you were aboard this ship as well?" the Colonel asked Eroica. "And taken hostage? That must have been a horrible experience for you."

"Oh yes, it was awful, sir," Dorian said with a slight tremor in his voice, the very picture of a maiden recalling a harrowing experience. "I had boarded the ship in order to visit an acquaintance in Italy, but then those scoundrels captured it and took me and several other ladies of good family hostage, in the hope of getting ransom money for us. They had us mostly confined to our cabins, but one night I managed to slip out, hoping to get help from the crew in order to contact the authorities or escape. But unfortunately, those villains found me and ganged up on me. I struggled, but what could a single girl do against five of those gangsters? They quickly overpowered me and I thought…I thought they were going to kill me…or worse…" his voice was shaking now and it wasn't all acting; he had been really afraid for his life that night and even after so many years it was quite an unsettling memory to recall. "But just when I had lost all hope, Klaus came and took the lot of them out all on his own! Oh, sir, he was magnificent…I wish you could have seen him, you would have been so proud of him!" His face was positively lit up with love and his voice practically dripping honey; Klaus purposely looked away pretending to be embarrassed, but in fact he was afraid to look at the Earl's face right now, fearing that even he might be taken in by his act. Looking the other way, he heard Dorian carry on, "From that moment on, all I could think about was how to steal…" – at this point the Major nearly had a heart attack again – "…his heart, just as he had stolen mine."

Even the Colonel was a bit embarrassed to hear such profuse praising of his son. "I – I see," he said awkwardly, "it is only natural for romantic feelings to arise in such a situation. My old friend Fritz, God rest his soul, met his Gerta in a similar way when he saved her from a drunken American soldier back in the day, and they were married for fifty years…But really, Klaus Heinz, you should have just told me you had a girlfriend instead of pretending to be a woman-hater all those years," he went on, turning to his son. "It would have saved both of us a lot of discomfort. And besides, if you two were in love, why didn't you get married before now? What were you waiting for?"

"Oh no, sir, it wasn't like that," Eroica hastened to answer. "You see, like he told you, Klaus was on a mission at the time, and after he rescued me he left in such a hurry I didn't even get the chance to learn his name." He sighed in mock dejection. "For the longest time, I had despaired I would ever see my knight in shining armour again…but then luck was on my side. Do you remember the peace summit that took place in England some years ago? It was all over the news, you can't have missed it."

When the Colonel nodded affirmatively Eroica carried on while the Major watched him, curious where he was getting at now. "My brother's castle was nearby, and he happened to be there at the time, hosting a gathering." A gathering of the leading underworld bosses, but the Colonel didn't need to know that either. "And as luck would have it, Klaus made his acquaintance there."

"How did that happen?" the Colonel asked suspiciously, raising his eyebrows; he hadn't forgotten that the Earl of Gloria was a queer. "I had a tip that a terrorist planning to sabotage the summit was hiding among Lord Gloria's guests," answered the Major, improvising on the spot. "So I went over to interrogate the Earl and his guests, but it turned out to be a false alarm."

"Brother was really impressed with Klaus, let me tell you," the Earl said with a reserved chuckle. "When he told me of the incident, from the description I thought that this man was most likely my beloved, although I couldn't be entirely sure. Well, at least now I had a name and the fact that he was a NATO agent to go on, but even so tracking down an intelligence agent wasn't easy for a girl like me, as you can imagine. I only made sure it was him when I saw him on the telly, that time when he disarmed the bomb at the EC exposition in Germany. Really, darling, always causing such a sensation wherever you go," he chuckled again, patting the Major's hand affectionately. Fortunately for him, Klaus was too dumbfounded to react; he had expected the fop would put up a good performance, but this went way beyond acting. To think he'd take their past history – at least those parts of it that suited his purposes – and twist it to form something straight out of a women's romance novel, not even he could have anticipated that. For the first time it occurred to him that Eroica had done the world a great favour by not becoming a spy.

"Anyway, after I found out who he was, we ran into each other quite a few times," continued the Earl, getting more into his part by the second. "Like that time in Switzerland, and then in Liechtenstein, during the celebrations of the Prince's birthday…I was so surprised to see you there, darling," he said with another dazzling smile directed at the still shocked Major. Then, turning to the Colonel again, "But I don't mind telling you, sir, that we did not always meet by accident; I have to admit I went a little out of my way to catch sight of Klaus at times, even though he was always so busy he never had time for me," he said, pouting slightly. _A little? You call this a little? You were practically stalking me, you degenerate!_ the Major screamed inwardly, but with a tremendous effort he managed to keep his poker face on the outside. "Brother helped me out on occasion, using certain connections of his to find Klaus' whereabouts for me," Dorian went on to explain to Klaus' father. "He said it would be 'entertaining' to have such a brother-in-law, although I cannot imagine why he would say such a thing."

After letting a few moments pass, the Earl carried on, his countenance suddenly turning serious. "Then…I'm sure you remember the time when he was almost fatally injured," he said in a low voice. "When the news reached me, I thought my heart would stop; I was so deathly afraid that I would lose him before I even had a chance to be with him. So I decided then and there to go to Germany and confess my feelings right away; I know it was rather rash of me, but I felt I could not afford to waste any more time."

"Dr. Schulz said something about certain suspicious-looking women who tried to sneak into Klaus Heinz's room while he was hospitalized, but I told him at the time it had to be some sort of mistake," the Colonel said curiously. "Could it be that it was you he saw?"

"Yes, that was me, I'm afraid," Eroica admitted, casting his eyes down in mock embarrassment. "Brother was kind enough to accompany me and help me sneak inside the hospital, since I officially had no relation to Klaus at the time and thus I was not allowed to visit. We look a lot alike, and he dresses somewhat…unconservatively, so that was probably why the good doctor thought there was more than one woman. With his help, I managed to get into Klaus' room and confess my feelings for him, but…unfortunately it did not go very well at the time. In retrospection, I realize I should have known better…Klaus was still injured and stressed out by his prolonged stay in the hospital, and…I suppose the expression of my affections was a tad too forceful for him."

_The gall of this pervert really knows no bounds,_ thought the Major, still struggling to ride out the shock every one of Eroica's audacious lines caused him. _He actually called grabbing my butt inside the hospital room 'a tad too forceful'…I thought I had seen him act before, but clearly I hadn't seen the half of it._

"Are you saying, then, that Klaus Heinz refused you at the time?" the Colonel asked, directing an accusing glance at his son. _Oh great, now my own father sides with that wanker! Blood is thicker than water my ass!_

"Yes, I'm sorry to say Klaus did not welcome my advances at the time," Eroica said in a serious, almost subdued manner. "He told me that, as I could readily see from his current condition, his line of work was a really dangerous one and he could not possibly ask of anyone else to share such a life with him. And that for my own good I should forget about him and find a more 'normal' person to love. But…it was quite impossible for me to do that, even if I wanted to. He was my first true love, and I simply could not forget about him." There was nothing exaggerated or theatrical about his tone when he said those words; Klaus told himself time and again that it was acting, all an act he himself had orchestrated, but still there was something about the way the Earl spoke of his feelings for him he found deeply unsettling.

"So, at the risk of appearing too forward, I approached Klaus again when he was released from the hospital and tried over and over to make him understand my feelings for him. I told him I was aware of the dangers but could not care less about them if it meant being with him. It took quite some time and effort on my part to bring him round, I daresay, but it was worth every moment of it. I could not have asked for a more devoted and caring husband," he concluded, directing his most affectionate gaze yet at the Major. Then, turning back to the Colonel again, "I truly regretted not being able to make our relationship public because of my family circumstances, but Klaus was very understanding about it, even to the point of angering you by his refusals to marry. Once again, sir, allow me to apologize for unintentionally causing such a discord between you and your son. Dare I hope that we could let bygones be bygones and start afresh as a family? It is my dearest wish for you and Klaus to get along with each other; ever since my father's death, I never had what you would call a harmonious family life, and it was very hard on me. I would truly hate it if Klaus were to suffer in the same way."

Even the Colonel was unable to keep his rigid front before the Earl's imploring tone. In a much gentler tone than Klaus had ever heard from him, he answered, "_Meine Frau, _the only reason I was so insistent that Klaus Heinz should marry all these years was because I was concerned about his welfare. I believe that marriage to an understanding soul is necessary for a balanced life, and I did not want my son to be deprived of it out of an erroneous sense of duty." He sighed. "Unfortunately, Klaus Heinz is a lot like me when I was his age; he believes that his duty must always take precedence over everything, including his own happiness. I knew that the only way to convince him to start a family would be to make him see it as his duty, so I acted accordingly. Had I known that he would eventually marry on his own I would have allowed him to do so at his own discretion, but judging by his attitude I was certain he would remain a bachelor for the rest of his life unless I did something about it."

Admittedly, this entire day had been a continuous series of shocks for the Major; but none of them could even remotely compare to the bombshell his father had just dropped out of the blue. During the entirety of his adult life he had been persecuted by his father to get married under the pretext that it was his duty, and now the old man was saying outright that it had never been a matter of duty in the first place? Only his deep-rooted sense of obedience towards his father kept him from exploding in rage then and there, but he determined that he would have it out with the old man at the first opportunity. What right did he have to interfere with his life like that? Wasn't this just like what that pervert Chief had done, when he had forced him to go on vacation in order to fix him up with some woman? Why the fuck did everyone around him just assume that he had to get married in order to be happy? He was just fine the way he was, except when a certain pest of a queer butted his nose in his affairs, throwing him off balance and messing up his life. For all his anger, though, his face remained unreadable as usual, and his father never realized that anything was wrong. Eroica, however, gave him a worried glance; _he _seemed to have realized that something was amiss. Damn that bastard, he really knew him too well. He didn't say anything though, and after a moment turned back to his father in his usual gracious manner.

"I am so very happy to hear you say this; in that case, it turns out well for all of us. I promise you I will do everything in my power to be a good wife for Klaus; you may rest assured that I will dedicate my life in making him happy."

"A father cannot wish for anything more for his child," the Colonel said in a surprisingly genial tone. "I suppose, then, that you will be moving in here shortly, now that everything has been resolved?"

"Ah…much as I would like to, it cannot be done immediately, sir," Eroica said tentatively. "I have brought only the necessary luggage for a short vacation; as you can imagine, Klaus and I could not make any living arrangements before we knew whether you would accept me or not. And I will still have to go back to England and set my affairs in order before I move here for good."

"Of course, that is understandable; but I do hope it is not necessary for you to return to England at once. I will stay here for a few more days before going back to Switzerland, and I would be very pleased if you would stay here for that time as well. I don't come to Germany often, so it may be quite long before we have another chance to spend some time together as a family."

"Oh…of course I would like that, it is so very kind of you," Eroica said, throwing another concerned look at the Major. Klaus' face was as impassive as ever, but if Dorian knew him at all, the man should be just about ready to blow a fuse right now. In an attempt to distract him even a little, he asked, "Well then, darling, since this is my first time here, how about you show me around your lovely home? You know how I always wanted to see the place where you grew up," he said with his most winning smile. The Major nodded and got up, inwardly thankful for this diversion; if he kept thinking about what he had just heard even a little longer he might not be able to control his temper until the end. Offering his arm to his 'wife' again he led the way to the other rooms, with his father accompanying them.

During the grand tour nothing eventful happened; Klaus dutifully played the part of the tour guide (he had been forced to fulfill this role with numerous young ladies in the past, thanks to his father's never-ending efforts to get him married). Eroica on the other hand asked polite questions and showed off his knowledge of art and history while his father was silently observing the 'happy couple' for the most part, joining in the conversation only occasionally. It was a somewhat surreal situation indeed, actually showing that person he'd normally avoid at all costs around his home and having a civil conversation with him, and all that under the auspices of his father's approval. Well, at least with the old man around Eroica was forced to curb his usual flamboyant behaviour a great deal, and in this tamed version he wasn't entirely unpleasant company. If nothing else, he was far more intelligent than most people Klaus usually had to converse with.

When they got to the gallery, Dorian's eyes went straight for _The Man in Purple_. Klaus expected him to make some comment on the painting, but he did not say anything. After observing it silently for a few moments, he turned his attention to the other paintings and set out to impress Klaus' father with his artistic knowledge. The Colonel was obviously pleased with this: "It is fortunate that at least the mistress of this house will be able to appreciate this collection," he remarked. "I'm afraid I never had the time to get a good understanding of it, between my duty to the country and the affairs of the estate, and as for Klaus Heinz…I'm sorry to say he never showed even the slightest interest in it."

Dorian gave an amused smile; for some reason he seemed kind of elated, although the Major had no idea why that was. "Oh yes, my dearest Klaus never had any interest in the arts," he said. "He always found tanks and weapons much more fascinating. I say, darling, maybe I should get you a tank for our anniversary; I'm sure that's one gift you would definitely appreciate," he continued in a jesting manner. The Colonel smiled stiffly, thinking this was a display of the famous British humour; the Major on the other hand gave a shiver, not taking this as a joke at all. _He _knew very well that the thief happened to actually have a Leopard tank in his possession, and he also knew he was quite capable of doing something insane like having it delivered to his front door wrapped up in some ridiculous bow. And then good luck explaining to the service just how the tank he had reported stolen so many years ago had found its way to his own house out of the blue.

After the tour was over with, it was almost time for dinner. Just as the Major feared, Klaus' father insisted that Dorian should spend the night there, instead of returning the following day; and so before they sat down to dinner the Earl went to call his hotel and ask to have his luggage delivered to Schloss Eberbach. "Are you sure this is all right?" the Major asked him discreetly while ostensibly showing him to the telephone. "What if the hotel clerks see your male outfits when they go to pack your bags?"

"Don't worry, I have nothing but women's clothing over there," the Earl assured him. "When I checked out of the previous hotel, I packed up all my male clothes separately and sent them to a station locker for storage. I'm a pro, my dear Major, did you really think I would make such a blunder?"

Indeed, when the luggage arrived shortly after dinner, it consisted of a few positively feminine suitcases and hat-boxes no one could possibly mistake for a man's belongings. The three of them were in the sitting-room again when the butler came to announce that the lady's luggage had arrived. Without thinking, Klaus ordered him to take it to one of the guest-rooms, whereupon his father looked up sharply.

"_Was soll das bedeuten_,Klaus Heinz?" he asked sternly, drawing his eyebrows together. "Surely your wife is going to sleep in your bedroom, is she not?"

Oh crap – the Major hadn't thought about that at all. "I – I thought it would not be proper while you are staying with us, sir," he blurted out in an attempt to appease his father's suspicions.

"_Was für ein Unsinn_!You are being far too modest, Klaus Heinz. There is nothing inappropriate about a married couple sleeping in the same room. Besides," he went on, directing a glance at Eroica, "neither of you is getting any younger, and the family is still without an heir even as we speak. You have already wasted all these months when you were keeping your marriage a secret, so now that this obstacle has been removed you should direct your efforts into expanding your family."

Eroica, damn him, naturally was only too willing to comply with the Colonel's dictation. "We – we'll do our very best, sir," he said bashfully, casting his eyes down – the featherbrained idiot actually _blushed_ – while the Major was desperately trying to figure out ways to safeguard his private parts from the Earl without resorting to excessive violence. If he could get through that night without murdering Eroica, he figured, at least he would know for a fact there was nothing in this world he could not endure.

So, after this compulsory change of plans, Eroica's luggage was duly brought to the Major's bedroom. Shortly afterwards Klaus' father stated he would retire for the night, making it quite clear that he wished for the two 'spouses' to do the same. The Major had hoped that after the old man went to bed and he was free from his surveillance he'd be able to make some excuse or other and arrange for the Earl to sleep in a separate room, but no such luck. The Colonel made a point of escorting the two of them right up to the Major's bedroom door and making sure they would both spend the night there before finally adjourning to his bedroom. Evidently he intended for the production of the next generation to start forthwith – little did he know that he would not be getting any grandchildren from this particular bride any time soon.

The Major's bedroom was just like Dorian thought it would be: spartan and tasteless. There was a single bed right in the middle with a headboard made of cast-iron bars and two completely plain nightstands made of dark wood with a digital alarm clock on one and a telephone on the other. There was also a small writing desk and a chair near the window, another chair that seemed just randomly put in and a wooden closet, completely plain as well. The eggshell-painted walls were bare and there was no carpeting on the hardwood floor. Apart from the main door there was another one leading to the adjacent bathroom, which was just as functional and bland as the bedroom. The only colorful thing in the room at the moment was Eroica's brightly colored suitcases, neatly put away in a corner.

"My dear Major, I know you have no use for decorations, but this really is too depressing," remarked Dorian, casting a look about the room. "Even in military barracks there are at least posters of nude women on the walls."

"I have no need to put up posters of nude women," snapped the Major, clearly not realizing how what he had just said could be interpreted. "But if you find the accommodations so intolerable, you are always welcome to sleep in one of the guest-rooms. I assure you that they at least have decorations."

"And miss a chance to spend the night with you? Never, my love," the Earl said with his most seductive smile. "The mere thought of sharing a _single _bed with you is enough to compensate for anything."

That same thought was almost enough to send the Major into a fit, but there was no getting out of it; this time he was quite literally backed against a wall. Directing his most menacing scowl at the thief he growled ominously, "I'm warning you now, Eroica: if you so much as look at me the wrong way while we're in here, I cannot guarantee your safety. I realize that you are necessary for this plan to work, but if you try my patience too much…let's just say that I tend to forget lots of things when I get angry."

That would normally be enough to cow anybody into complete submission – anybody but that bloody epitome of effrontery the Major was currently trapped with. "No need to be so defensive, dearest; surely Iron Klaus has nothing to fear from little old me, has he? Now, we could spend the rest of the night tiptoeing around each other, or we could do something productive and discuss what we are going to do tomorrow now that we have some privacy."

This reminded the Major of the talk he wanted to have with his father at the first opportunity. "About tomorrow…" he said, "…is there any way you could make yourself scarce for a couple of hours during the day? There is something I wish to discuss with my father – alone."

Eroica stared silently at him for a few seconds, then let out a sigh. "Oh dear," he said. "Major, I won't ask what incurred your wrath this time, but is it really necessary to start fighting with your father again? And just when I thought I had succeeded in patching things up between the two of you…it's such a pity for all my hard work to go to waste."

"You don't even know what I want to talk to Father about," said the Major irritably. "Why do you assume I'm going to fight with him?"

"Because whenever you have that look on your face you very much want to hit something, usually me," Dorian said crisply. "Major…you wouldn't tell me about your disagreement with your father anyway, so I won't bother to ask, and if this is so important to you I will do as you say. But could you at least consider actually _talking_ to your father for a bit first, instead of starting arguing right off the bat? He did not strike me as an entirely irrational person…he is indeed a lot like you, so understandably that makes him hard to deal with, but I believe he will not be that averse to listening to what you have to say if you show a little patience with him."

"Oh, so now you know my own father, who you only met today for the first time, better than me," Klaus said derisively. "Aren't you the know-it-all."

"Darling, I wouldn't be such a good impersonator if I couldn't judge people's characters accurately," Dorian said patiently. "And even you have said that you have confidence in my skills."

"Eroica, you may be talented in thieving and debauchery, but you are hardly an expert when it comes to family relations," said the Major acidly. "You said it yourself that your own family is shunning you, so I think it's fair to assume you're not the most qualified person to consult about my family affairs."

"I'll have you know I had an excellent relationship with my father before he passed on," countered Dorian, miffed. "As for my mother, well…the only way to improve her opinion of me would be to change my very nature, which is quite impossible. But your father doesn't want you to change, Major, he simply wants you to be happy. Surely not even you would consider that an unreasonable wish for a parent, would you?"

The Major did not answer him; instead he fixed his gaze at the opposite wall, thinking. Assuredly he would sooner drink coffee with ten sugar cubes in it than concede even a single argument to the fop, but inwardly he was forced to admit that Eroica had been able to handle his father much better than he ever had. Granted, the fact of his 'marriage' in itself must have played a role in appeasing the Colonel, and also the old man would be expected to be gentler towards a lady than with him, but despite all that, he had been much more receptive than usual with someone he had just met. The fact alone that he had compromised with having a queer related to the family so easily was ample proof of that; the Major was positive there was no earthly way to break such news to his father without him erupting in rage, but Eroica had managed to defuse his wrath before it even broke out. Maybe there was something to be said about this 'talking' the Earl had mentioned. Of course he would never be able to act all sentimental like the fop – even if he tried it he wouldn't convince anyone, least of all his father – but perhaps if he reined in his anger for a bit he might have more of a chance to find out his father's motives for wanting him to marry so much. Did he really just want him to be happy, like the Earl had said? Until then the Major was fully convinced that the only thing his father wanted from him was to flawlessly carry out his duties towards his family and his country, nothing besides that. It was with no little mortification that he now acknowledged the possibility that, in the space of a single afternoon, Dorian had managed to understand his father better than he who had known him for his entire life.

Just as he was contemplating all this, his thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. "Klaus Heinz, may I come in?" his father's voice said from outside. The Major made a face of displeasure; evidently the old man was intent on keeping them under very close scrutiny. Well, he more or less expected such a surprise visit, and he was quite prepared to put up with it. But what he did not expect was that, just as he opened his mouth to answer, Eroica would throw himself at him, grabbing his head with both hands and kissing him fervently on the mouth. Instinctively Klaus raised his hands to push him off but then out of the corner of his eye he saw the door handle turning and realized he hadn't locked the door. Not having any other option, he swallowed his anger and placed his hands on the thief's waist as well just in time for his father to step into the room and walk right in on the 'happy couple' embracing passionately.

"_Entschuldigung_, Klaus Heinz, I wanted to ask you – oh, dear." If Klaus wasn't so enraged by the way he had been tricked by that impudent pervert he might have been amused to see that expression on his father's face; for as long as he could remember he had never seen the Colonel quite so embarrassed. "_Das macht nichts_, it can wait until tomorrow," the old man said hurriedly and withdrew swiftly, but not before the Major had caught a glimpse of an almost-smile on his father's usually stiff face. It was all too obvious what conclusions he had just drawn, and the thought of that made the Major's blood boil with anger anew.

As soon as the door closed behind the Colonel Eroica broke the kiss and prudently jumped back with remarkable agility, knowing full well that the Major's homicidal tendencies would kick in any moment now. Exercising his utmost self-control yet to prevent himself from committing murder in his own house, the Major transfixed Lord Gloria with a ferocious glare that could easily give a weak man a coronary. "What in the bloody hell…" he ground out, struggling to keep his voice down so that his father wouldn't hear. "Did I not tell you just now to keep your filthy paws off of me? Or did you think that because I turned to you for help I will tolerate whatever disgusting advances you try to force on me?" His face had turned an alarming shade of red and there was a glint of near-insanity in his eyes. But actually, what had angered him the most was not the kiss itself – it was only natural for Eroica to pull this kind of stunt – but the fact that it hadn't felt all that 'disgusting'; in fact, it was alarmingly less disgusting than he thought it would be. He was furious at himself for not being appropriately repulsed by such an obscene gesture, and he was furious at Eroica for making him realize things he did not want to realize one bit. Bottom line, he was furious, and that bloody thief was going to take the rap for it and damn the consequences.

But Eroica didn't even seem to notice how close he was to suffering severe bodily harm just now. "Why Major, you should be thanking me for this," he cooed sweetly, his bright blue eyes dancing with mischief. "Your father cannot possibly doubt that we are indeed in love after seeing this."

"Thanking you? _Thanking you?_ I'm this close to snapping your neck here and now, you bastard!" rumbled the Major, his fingers clenching and unclenching with positively murderous intent. At this point, anyone else would have decided that they had pushed their good luck to its very limits and backed off, but not Eroica. "Now now Major," he said in mock reproach, wagging a finger at a raving mad Klaus, "strangling your wife is not something a loving husband would do. Oh, don't worry, I won't hold it against you for losing your temper a little, you've been under so much stress all day today. But you know, there are far better ways to unwind than violence." And passing immediately from theory to practical demonstration, with one fluid motion he dropped to his knees, pulling the Major's zipper down along with him. Dorian was not considered one of the best pickpockets in the world for nothing. Before Klaus could realize what was going on, his member was already snug inside Eroica's mouth; a second later, his traitorous lower half was already rock hard and throbbing eagerly.

If Dorian's mouth wasn't most satisfyingly full, he would have been sorely tempted to give a smug smile; this reaction of the Major's body was most promising indeed. But gloating was a luxury he could not afford right now; he had precious little time, and not a second of it to waste. Quickly and expertly he darted a sequence of licks along the Major's length, licks he knew could not fail to inflame even the most frigid of men. This was Iron Klaus standing before him, but even iron will melt if heated enough.

And this particular iron now had a hard time standing straight without wobbling. What was this amazing sensation…how could something so degrading possibly feel so insanely good? It wasn't Klaus' first time getting a blowjob; he had had this experience too back when he was trying to decide whether he liked sex or not. However, at the time it had felt rather slimy and nauseating, whereas now…it was so hot, and tantalizing, and…What the fuck, was he actually enjoying it? Major von dem Eberbach, the straightest arrow among straight arrows, had enjoyed even for an instant getting sucked off by that…that depraved, hedonistic fag? Flushing crimson with rage – and possibly not just rage, but that would forever remain classified – he grabbed a fistful of golden curls, grunting, "God damn you, you shameless degenerate…do you want to die that much…?" But just as he was about to yank the Earl's head off of him, another of those infernal licks came, and suddenly the Major's hand seemed to have a very strong difference of opinion with him, because instead of _pushing_ Dorian away he wound up _pulling _his head towards him. His hips were next to go over to the enemy's side, starting to rock to and fro all on their own. Brilliant strategist that he was, Klaus realized instantly this was one battle he wasn't going to win. "God damn you," he grunted again, crushing the silken hair in his fist. "Make sure you've said your last prayers by the time you're done." And then he threw his head back and gave himself over to the pleasure.

Now, death threats were one thing Lord Gloria did not normally get upon giving head, but in this case they were more welcome than the sweetest endearments. The Major's body responding to him wasn't entirely unexpected; someone as experienced in sex as Dorian was could not fail to know when he was compatible with someone in bed, and he _knew _with every fiber of his being that Klaus was the one absolutely perfect match for him. And he was sure that on some level the Major felt it too, and that was why he took such pains to avoid even the slightest body contact with him. That was his reason for initiating this suicide attack on the Major; he intended to force him to acknowledge their mutual attraction, even just inwardly, and then retreat and hope that his being essential to the Major's plan would keep him in one piece, at least for now. But that Klaus would _willingly_ allow him to continue what he had started…he had never dared to hope for that much, not even in his wildest dreams. Overjoyed as he was though, Dorian reminded himself not to get carried away over this. He had won just one battle, not the war. If he knew the Major at all, he would not get another opening in a long while, and therefore he had to make the best of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He had to make damn sure that by the time he was through, the only thing the Major would want to do to him would be to fuck him senseless.

So he deliberately set a relatively slow rhythm, just enough to keep Klaus aroused and wanting, but not quite enough to grant him the satisfaction he yearned for. He wasn't merely trying to prolong the deed; his goal this time was to get a _conscious _reaction out of the Major, something tangible he wouldn't be able to deny afterwards. The fact alone that he had been permitted to carry on was not enough; the Major could always claim that he had made this concession to avoid a ruckus that would alert his father, or to make sure he would have the Earl's continued cooperation. Dorian had to make him somehow reveal that he wasn't just putting up with this but genuinely enjoying it. If in the process he could also make him crave for more such pleasures…that would be a most welcome side effect.

Until then, the Major would have said with confidence that there was no physical or mental stimulus capable of making him lose control of his faculties, but now he had no option but to admit that there were things in this world his training hadn't prepared him for. That was no mouth, it was a torture device – KGB's electric currents to the groin were child's play compared to this! Never before had he come so close to losing his ironclad self-control…oh, how right he was to be wary of Eroica all these years. The man was temptation incarnate; only now did Klaus fully understand why it was nigh impossible to resist him if he was allowed even the slightest leeway. Judging from his past experiences, all this time the Major had been convinced he could never be affected by any enticements of the flesh, but from the looks of it he just hadn't come across the right kind of enticements – until now. And it was only getting worse by the second – on one hand he didn't want it to end, on the other he felt he would explode if he didn't get a release soon, but that double-damned thief wouldn't let him, he just kept him suspended between heaven and hell. His breathing was becoming heavy and ragged, but he stubbornly refused to let out a single sound; he just tugged at the curls still clenched in his fist to indicate his urgency. Eroica got the message all right, but he did not alter his pace; if the Major wanted his orgasm he would have to do better than that. He just kept the same intensity as before, drawing out the Major's torment for what seemed like an eternity to the latter, who could literally feel his self-restraint slipping away bit by bit. Minutes stretched after minutes until finally, finally the thief's sensitive ears caught the faintest possible whisper, _"…Mehr…"_

It was fortunate that Dorian's mouth was fully occupied at the moment, otherwise he would never have been able to refrain from squealing with joy. _Yes! He wants more!_ The Earl knew it would be rather irrational on his part to expect anything more demonstrative from the Major, for the time being at least; what he had heard would have to do. He dipped his head further down and picked up his speed and suction power, and soon enough Klaus' body arched sharply as he experienced his most intense climax yet, emptying himself inside Dorian's heated mouth and down his throat. The thief swallowed thirstily every single drop of his Major's juice, and then while Klaus was still swaying on his feet he swiftly stood up and moved over to the other side of the bed, eyeing the Major warily. The attack on his person would come in a matter of seconds, he figured, and while a single bed wasn't much of a barrier, it was still better than nothing.

For several seconds Klaus was quite incapable of thought processing – it felt as though his brain had short-circuited. Then, as it slowly started functioning again, he began considering the courses of action he had to choose from. First off, he could do away with the Earl and dispose of the body before sunrise…unfortunately, tempting as it was, since he had no backup bride at hand this course of action was out of the question. Secondly, he could brainwash him and make him forget this ever happened, but he'd need access to certain undercover NATO facilities to do that, and he very much doubted Eroica would follow him there quietly; not to mention he probably wouldn't be of much use to him or anyone else for that matter afterwards. There remained only the third option, which was terrorizing him enough to keep silent forever about this whole disgraceful act. And after all those years of their acquaintance he knew exactly what to do to achieve that.

From the other side of the bed, Dorian waited anxiously for the Major's outburst…which didn't come. Calm and expressionless, save from a faint flush left from this unexpected exercise, Klaus zipped himself up and then looked across the bed at the apprehensive Earl. "What are you looking at?"

"M-Major…aren't you angry?" asked Dorian timidly. His own past experiences with the Major had taught him well that when he was apparently calm like now he was actually at his most dangerous.

"Oh, I am, extremely so," Klaus assured him with the same composure. Dorian's face went pale and he started trembling slightly, he noted with a certain malicious satisfaction. If that airhead fop thought he could lay a hand on Iron Klaus with impunity, he'd soon make him realize the extent of his mistake.

"Then…how come you haven't hit me yet?" Dorian asked again in trepidation. Klaus gave him a chilling smile; the kind that made his subordinates and his enemies dream of Alaska and Siberia, respectively.

"You would like that, wouldn't you? Get a few punches now and get it over with. But I'm not going to make it that easy for you this time around, Lord Gloria." This unusual politeness frightened Dorian even more; whenever the Major called him 'Lord Gloria' instead of 'Eroica', 'pervert' or 'idiot', he was always plotting something, something that usually did not bode well for him. For the first time the Earl wondered whether he had gone too far this time. Eroica had the devil's own luck…but the Major right now was scarier than the devil.

"Rest assured, I will not forget about this. Never, for as long as I live," Klaus went on with the same terrifying smile. "And somewhere, someday…when you least expect it…" He purposely left his sentence unfinished, while taking in Dorian's horrified expression gleefully. The look on the thief's face right now was priceless; almost as good as back in Vienna, when he had locked Dorian up in a dark room full of statues, knowing that at the time he was deathly afraid of statues. Funny, now that he thought about it, those few times when he managed to really frighten Eroica out of his wits were also the only times when he had actually enjoyed himself during a mission.

Dorian on the other hand was really and truly afraid, and not at all sure of his safety; much as he was fascinated by the Major's unpredictable and somewhat sadistic nature, at times like this he almost wished he had chosen a less dangerous person to fall in love with. But from the looks of it the Major intended to put his revenge on hold for now; for the sake of his plan, no doubt, but right now Dorian would be glad of anything that would fend off the Major's wrath. The Earl decided that he'd better behave himself for the time being; he should keep in mind that when provoked too much the Major tended to retaliate in extremely harsh ways. "I…I'll be sure to remember that, Major," he said meekly, still keeping his distance from the Major though. "So…um, what are we to do now?"

"Sleep," said the Major tersely. "It's already late, and we wake up at 6.30 tomorrow." Dorian winced a little; he really did not understand why was it necessary to wake up at 6.30 on a freaking Sunday, but this was only to be expected of the Major and moreover he did not want to rile him up any further by raising objections. "Then…I suppose you don't want to change in front of me, so where…?"

"Gather your things and get in there," ordered the Major, pointing at the bathroom. Eroica wondered whether Klaus intended to lock him up there for the night, but that would probably be too dangerous; there was always a chance his father would come to give them a good morning call too. Obediently he went over to his suitcases and rummaged through them for a few seconds, then went inside the bathroom with a bunch of things in his hands. Once inside, the Major closed the door and locked it from outside, then quickly undressed and changed into his pajamas – with an undershirt underneath, of course. As soon as he was done he asked, "Are you presentable?"

"Yes," came the Earl's answer through the door. The Major unlocked it and opened it, and to his utter shock saw that Eroica was dressed in a full-length satin lady's nightgown – it even had padding where the breasts were supposed to be. "Are you going to sleep in _that_?" he said, grimacing distastefully.

"Believe me, I don't like it any more than you do, but I can't be slack with my disguise," the Earl said with the same distasteful look. "So inconvenient…at this time of year, I always sleep in my underwear." Trying hard not to laugh aloud at the Major's appalled look, he gave a fake long-suffering sigh. "Ah, the things I do for the sake of my love."

"Enough of this cheap act! Get into bed already!" snapped the Major angrily, wondering how much more of this would he be able to take before losing his temper for good. The Earl gave him an adoring look. "Oh Major…if only you knew how many times I dreamt of you saying those words to me…" Then, taking note that the Major's face was darkening in anger all over again, he cut the romancing short and went over to the bed where an extra pillow had been brought. He lay down and pulled the covers over him with a blissful expression on his face; what a delight it was, sleeping on the Major's bed, right next to him…a few short days ago, he would never have imagined he'd be able to experience such happiness.

As soon as he was tucked in, Klaus in turn approached his side of the bed, so cautiously you'd think there was a live python in it. He lifted the covers by picking them up from the very edge and lay down gingerly, as far from the Earl as possible. "Really, Major," Dorian said, somewhat annoyed, "I believe I've already told you that I don't have any venereal diseases."

"And I'm supposed to trust the word of someone who did what you did just now, am I?" Klaus said sarcastically. Dorian stared hard at him, his usual flippancy suddenly gone again. "First off, Major, I don't recall promising you that I _wouldn't_ do what I just did," he said incisively, "and secondly, you might as well drop the 'wronged maiden' act because it doesn't suit you at all. You know as well as I do that I would never have been able to finish what I started if you _really_ wanted to stop me."

Klaus stared back at him and for a few seconds they were locked in one of their usual staring contests. But somehow it seemed to him that all his previous confrontations with that meddlesome Englishman were nothing but light sparring, a warming-up for their true battle which had only just started. A battle he had no idea how it would turn out, just as he never knew how anything involving Eroica would turn out. The Major was such a good spy because he always thought one step ahead of his adversaries, but with Eroica he had never been fully capable of that. He could predict his actions to a degree, probably more of a degree than anyone else, but still, even after all this time every now and again that nutcase would pull something that took him completely by surprise, like just now. He was the one person he did not have absolute confidence he could prevail on. It was annoying…but also strangely exciting. Victory always tasted sweeter when the outcome of the battle wasn't certain beforehand.

"I have no interest in your distorted opinions," he told the Earl coldly. "All I need from you is to play your part and keep your hands to yourself, and if you know what's good for you, that's exactly what you're going to do." Then he thought of another of Eroica's illegal habits and added, "And don't forget that I'm always watching you, so don't even think of laying a hand on anything in this house, especially that faggoty painting."

He expected the Earl to protest or feign innocence at his words, but he was completely dumbfounded to hear him laugh as though he had heard something completely absurd. "_The Man in Purple_? Now you're being ridiculous, darling. Why would I ever want to steal it?"

To be sure, the Major had heard a good number of preposterous lines coming out of Eroica's mouth today, but this was one thing he had never expected to hear from him. "Wha – what do you mean why? Because you're a bloody thief who's had his eyes on that bloody thing for as long as I've known you, that's why!" he exclaimed indignantly.

The Earl gave a mirthful chuckle. "You still don't get it, do you, my love," he said, his voice rich with amusement. "If I'm the 'mistress' of this house, then everything in it is mine by right as much as it is yours, including _The Man in Purple_." His smile widened into a delighted grin. "Why would I bother stealing something I already own?"

And with this amazing parting shot he turned his back at the Major and promptly fell asleep, leaving Klaus wondering long into the night whether he had stumbled upon the perfect way to safeguard _The Man in Purple_ from Eroica forever…or if he had inadvertently delivered it right into the thief's hands.

Footnotes

_Was sagst Du da? _= What are you saying?

_Ja, das stimmt_ = Yes, that is so

_Sehr erfreut, meine geehrte Frau_ = Pleased to meet you, dear madam

_Was soll das bedeuten? _ = What is the meaning of this?

_Was für ein Unsinn!_ = What nonsense!

_Entschuldigung_ = Excuse me

_Das macht nichts_ = Never mind

_Mehr_ = More


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – Memories and Revelations**

At 6.30 sharp the shrill beep-beeping of the digital alarm clock sounded inside the silent room. Barely a second later the Major's hand shot out of the covers, silencing it. Klaus sat up and checked his watch (which he never took off even in his sleep), then something shifted beside him and he was reminded that he wasn't alone in his bed this morning. He cast a dirty look at the mass of blond curls presently occupying the pillow next to his; thanks to that damned thief and his sexual harassment he hadn't even been able to get a good night's sleep. Fearful of a second attack as he was, he had to sing 'Mary had a little lamb' to himself at least ten times before he finally drifted off, and even then he slept with one eye open, which meant he hadn't got that much rest. It wasn't anything he couldn't handle; he had gone without sleep for much longer periods during his missions, but nevertheless he was irritated by the fact that he couldn't sleep in peace in his own home. Well, the least he could do in return was give the fop his long overdue comeuppance by waking him up in his own special way, he thought malevolently. But just as he was about to throw Eroica off the bed, the Earl turned on his side and his eyes opened. After blinking for a few times, his gaze focused on the Major next to him and he smiled sweetly at his currently very grumpy beloved. "Good morning, my love…it's so wonderful to wake up next to you on such a beautiful morning. Although any morning would be beautiful as long as you are by my side."

"What, you're awake?" the Major asked in a displeased tone, completely brushing off the Earl's romantic recital. "I thought a decadent aristocrat like your lordship would sleep in until noon at least."

"If it were up to me, that's exactly what I would do," sulked Dorian, "but Mr. James doesn't share my views on the matter. He insists it's unproductive to wake up any later than 6.30, and after all those years of having to wake up at this ungodly hour I've become conditioned to it."

"Hmph, so that stingy bug of yours won't let you slack off, huh?" snorted the Major, still a little displeased that his plan to give the Earl a rude awakening had gone awry. "Never thought that trashy fellow would have even one wholesome habit. Well, now that you're awake get your ass up and get dressed on the double. Father will be expecting us for breakfast and I don't want to keep him waiting."

"Fine, I'll be as quick as possible," grumbled Eroica, "but you must at least give me time to shave, unless you want your wife to have stubble. My facial hair's not that obvious but it's not entirely invisible, you know."

"Do whatever you have to, just don't take forever to get ready," snapped the Major and practically shoved the Earl into the bathroom again before getting dressed himself. Since he wasn't going to work he put on more casual clothes today – a light but still long-sleeved sweater and cotton pants. When Eroica finally emerged from the bathroom dressed in yet another modest full-length ensemble, he ogled him with such an appreciative look on his face it was all Klaus could do not to punch him unconscious.

"So, what's on the schedule for today?" the Earl asked hurriedly, mindful of the Major's menacing countenance. "After breakfast we go to Mass," replied Klaus curtly. Dorian raised his eyebrows. "Mass? I thought you were an atheist, Major."

"I am, but Father is very meticulous about those things," Klaus said grumpily. "Need to set the example in the neighbourhood and all that. Besides, the church is a good place to relax."

"Yes, I remember you said you like churches, way back in Rome," mused Dorian with a smile. "Well, I suppose it's worth going if it improves your mood even a little. And those countryside churches are surprisingly quaint sometimes…yours should be quite old, right? Is it gothic or Renaissance?"

The Major looked at him as though he was speaking in Chinese. "I have no idea what you're talking about. It's just a church, what more is there to know?"

"Never mind, forget I even asked," sighed the Earl. "And after we fulfill our religious duties, then what?"

"I haven't planned anything in particular yet," admitted the Major. "In that case, I'll leave you alone with your father to have that discussion you wanted so much," Eroica said. "Try not to come to blows with him while I'm gone."

"Gone? Where are you going to go?" asked the Major, worried; he wasn't very keen on letting the thief go about on his own without surveillance. "Don't worry, it won't be far," Eroica assured him. "It's a surprise." He winked playfully at the Major and set off for the dining-room. Klaus followed with no little apprehension; up till then, the thief's surprises had never been pleasant for him and he didn't think that was going to change now.

The Colonel was already seated at the breakfast table when they got downstairs. Klaus noticed that he seemed to be in quite a good mood – as good a mood as one could hope to expect from him anyway. Evidently the thought that the family heir might already be underway was very agreeable to the old man. Unfortunately, that same thought reminded the Major of the indecency he had partaken in against his will last night – _definitely_ against his will, he kept telling himself – and he had to push himself to the limit again to maintain at least a façade of calmness. It would be odd if he appeared bad-tempered and moody after his supposedly long-awaited reunion with his beloved wife.

Eroica on the other hand was perfectly refreshed and radiant and his smile, if possible, even more dazzling than usual. Which was only natural – that bugger hadn't spent half the night awake, dreading a sexual assault on his person. After taking advantage of Klaus so shamelessly he had gone and slept like a baby without so much as a trace of remorse, the insolent lecher. And right now he was chatting with his father cheerful as you please, playing the part of the affectionate daughter-in-law with admirable zeal. If nothing else, the events of last night seemed to have given him a hell of a lot of motivation.

"By the way, sir, have you ever had an English pudding for dessert?" Klaus heard him ask, directing an engaging smile at his father. "_Nein_," the Colonel said in response. "After my wife's death we almost never had sweets after meals, since neither I nor Klaus Heinz is fond of them."

"Is that so?" asked the Earl, a little crestfallen. "Such a pity, and here I thought I'd make a pudding for you to try after lunch – a family recipe. My dear father used to love it when I made him pudding, but after his death I never had a chance to make it again for anyone."

As could be predicted, the Colonel fell for this sob story almost instantly. "W-well, if it means that much to you of course I'd be happy to give it a try," he said in a kind albeit awkward manner – it was perfectly obvious to the Major that he had zero immunity to this kind of feminine cajoling. "But surely there is no need for a lady to dirty her hands in the kitchen. If you give the recipe to the chef, I'm sure he can…"

"Oh no, sir, please, with your permission I would much rather do it myself. Consider it my token of gratitude for all the kindness you've shown me…Besides, I've promised Klaus a long time ago to have him taste my homemade pudding as soon as we became an official couple, isn't that right, darling?" he said, flashing a smile at the Major sitting opposite him.

Once again the Major swallowed a lot of things he wanted to say about English puddings and the English in general and nodded in agreement, playing along with Eroica's scheme. At the very least he had to admit this was a very clever pretext to give him time alone with his father – the thief had been quite accurate in guessing that the kitchen was the one place in the Schloss the Colonel would never set foot in unless a fire broke out or something. Of course on the downside, at lunch he'd have to eat whatever disgusting fatty British sweet Eroica concocted and pretend to find it tasty to boot. One thing was for sure, the Earl never ran out of ideas when it came to making him suffer.

As soon as they were done with breakfast, they went to get their coats; they had to leave right away so as not to be late for Mass. While the Earl was busy choosing an appropriate hat and purse, the Major put on his coat and retrieved his prayer book from the drawer of his writing-desk; even though he never actually read it during Mass he kept it there and brought it along with him whenever he went to church with his father. The Colonel met them on top of the staircase with his coat on and two prayer books in his hands; his own and another which he handed to Eroica.

"This was my late wife's," he said soberly. "I'm sure she would have wanted it to pass on to her son's wife one day." Klaus was surprised at his gesture, but he was even more surprised to see that the thief's eyes became misty with tears and that he took the book from his father with utmost reverence. "Thank you so much, sir," he said in a low voice shaking with emotion. "I simply cannot tell you how much this means to me…you may be sure that I'll treasure it." Holding the book affectionately to his chest he made his way down the stairs and then the three of them set off for the church on foot; it wasn't very far, so unless the weather was really nasty both the Major and his father preferred to walk there.

The church was rather small but fortunately not very crowded. The Major and his father were greeted from afar occasionally but no one tried to strike a conversation with them; Eberbach was a rather rural village with a population consisting mostly of farmers, small-time shopkeepers and generally middle-class people who were obviously far too intimidated to exchange pleasantries with the local magnates. Which was rather convenient at the moment, since no one dared to ask any questions about the lady accompanying them. Eroica was seated on a pew between Klaus and his father and soon afterwards Mass started. Dorian opened his prayer book at the same page as the Colonel and tried his best to pretend to be praying devoutly. The Colonel, he noticed, was listening to the minister's words attentively; the Major on the other hand seemed to be doing the same at first glance, his head bent reverently over his open prayer book…until the Earl noticed he hadn't turned the page on his book for at least ten minutes. The thought of the Major napping through Mass with his father sitting right next to him seemed so funny to Dorian he could barely keep his serious face for the remainder of their stay there. As Mass was nearing its end though he started getting a bit worried and wondered whether he should nudge the Major awake before his father caught him, but to his surprise exactly half a minute before the sermon ended Klaus' eyes snapped open and he lifted his head. When the parishioners rose from their seats and stepped outside, the Colonel lingered behind to talk to the minister who apparently knew him for ages, and Dorian with Klaus waited in the church yard for him to come out.

"Well I'll be, Major," Dorian giggled as soon as he made certain the Colonel was out of earshot. "When you said the church is a good place to relax I never thought you would actually take a nap there, you naughty boy. And how did you manage to wake up right before the end?"

"Don't call me weird pet names, it makes my skin crawl," Klaus said in a huff, both angry and embarrassed that Eroica had caught him napping. "If you must know, Mass here lasts exactly one hour and twelve minutes, so that's how long I sleep."

"Wow, you really are a living timer," Dorian said. "I wish I could have you around when I have to deal with those new safes equipped with time locks; you would sure come in handy."

"I do not and never will have the slightest inclination to aid and abet your criminal activities," the Major said severely. "Unlike you, I'm an honest citizen."

Eroica let out a small, derisive laugh. "That's rich, coming from the man who tricked me into going to Iraq in the middle of a war," he remarked scathingly. "You are many wonderful things, Major, but _honest_ is not one of them. In fact, in your own way, you're an even bigger of a trickster than I am."

Klaus scowled at him, his face clouded with anger; but he could not really argue the point, not when at that very moment he was using Eroica to trick his father into believing that he was married. Fortunately at that moment the Colonel stepped out of the church and the conversation was dropped; but on the way back the Major could not help thinking that for someone who claimed to be in love with him, Eroica was remarkably unwilling to overlook or forgive his flaws. All his constant trickeries aside, he had never hesitated to tell Klaus what he truly thought of him, be it good or bad; he was the only one who had never been afraid to do that. It was weird and a bit disappointing for the Major to realize that the person who had been more upfront with him than anyone else was a thief and a conman.

As soon as they arrived at the Schloss Eroica said cheerfully, "Well then, I'd better go down to the kitchen; the pudding needs a couple of hours to prepare and it tastes better when it has cooled down. Darling, why don't you and your father take a stroll in the garden in the meantime? It's such a nice day today, it would be a pity to stay cooped up in the house. Nothing is better for the health than outdoors exercising, you know that."

The Major gave his father an inquiring look. "_Gute Idee,_" the Colonel said. "A bit of walking helps keeping the arthritis at bay." "Splendid," the Earl said in the same cheery manner, "then you two boys play nicely now, okay?" He stroked the Major's cheek affectionately – as if he would waste an opportunity to fondle him in public, Klaus thought angrily – and set off for the kitchen.

The Major and his father left their coats and prayer books in the house and stepped out into the garden. It was carefully tended and the various flowers, bushes and trees were blooming splendidly; the Major didn't care one jot about flowers and such, but the garden was part of the Schloss and like everything in the Schloss it had to be immaculate. At first they walked through the various garden paths without saying anything; the Major's mind was working furiously trying to find a way to bring the conversation round to what he wanted to know without showing too much anger. He hated to admit it but the Earl was right, he'd have more of a chance to get the answers he was seeking if he didn't incense his father right from the start. After several minutes of silence he finally asked, "So…sir, if I may ask, what do you think of my wife now that you finally met her?"

"Well…she certainly is a very beautiful woman, if somewhat well-grown," the Colonel said pensively. "But the women of your generation are taller in general, and since you are quite well-developed yourself, I suppose it is of little consequence. I have to admit I wasn't sure a foreigner would be a good match for you – for us Eberbachs it's German cars and German women, I always thought. But at least she is of noble descent as well and knows how to conduct herself in our circles, so I don't believe anyone will find fault with the choice you made. For my part…" he paused a bit, "…it is enough to know that you will spend your life with someone who will cherish you, Klaus Heinz," he said solemnly. "I don't mind telling you that…all the other young ladies I introduced you to in the past were certainly charmed by you, but no more than that. Of course every time I hoped this would evolve to something more, but it never did; that is why I never tried to force you to marry any of them. But this time I can see the difference. It is very obvious that this woman is not merely infatuated; she really is in love with you."

"It is?" asked the Major in astonishment before he could stop himself; he was genuinely surprised by his father's tone of conviction. Catching the suspicious look on the Colonel's face he added hurriedly, "I mean…I didn't think it was so obvious to an outsider…I always thought Dorianne was rather circumspect with her feelings." _Okay, now I know for sure there is no God. If there was, I should have been struck by lightning after telling such a preposterous lie._

The Colonel gave one of his rare, dry laughs. "It is rather the other way around, Klaus Heinz; a third person can see quite clearly how your wife feels about you, and I assure you she worships the ground you walk on. The fact alone that she spent so many years trying to find you and win your affections is proof enough, don't you think?"

The Major looked downwards a bit thoughtfully; of course the part about trying to find him was a lie, but other than that it was true that Eroica had spent and was still spending a surprising amount of time and effort to win him over. Was that really sufficient proof of his sincerity? For most men it would have been enough, judging by his father's statement; but then most men had not been hoodwinked and played with time and again by that rascal. He simply could not accept so easily that an individual could be honest about one thing when he was dishonest about so many others.

"You…seem to consider her attachment to me to be of great significance," he said eventually, deciding to set the question of Eroica's sincerity aside for the time being. "I have to admit I find this rather unexpected of you…with all due respect, you did not strike me as the kind of person who would place such importance to frivolous things like emotions."

"I suppose…I did give off that impression after your mother's death," the Colonel said slowly; evidently, even after all those years it was difficult of him to speak of that event. "Losing someone so dear to you can do that, Klaus Heinz; fearful that another attachment will lead to another loss and more pain, one becomes subconsciously afraid of it – or so I think. Unfortunately, the time when I was supposed to raise you was also the time when I was most hurt and angry about my own loss, and I could very well have passed this fear of attachment to you as well, albeit unintentionally. All these years I was very much worried this was the reason why you never seemed to get romantically involved with anybody – you have to admit, it was rather odd for a healthy young man to never get involved with or at least be attracted to a woman even once. That is why I was so insistent about you getting married, and also so relieved to hear that you had finally found someone; I did not want you to be condemned to a life of solitude because of my mistakes."

This statement was almost as earth-shattering for the Major as the one his father had made the day before; this was the first time in living memory his father had spoken to him about his feelings, any kind of feelings, let alone admitted to any sort of emotional weakness on his part. "I…have to admit all this is quite surprising, sir," he said awkwardly; having a conversation with his father that did not consist of merely taking orders and complying with them was a novel and somewhat unsettling experience. "If you had such concerns about my emotional well-being, why didn't you ever say so?"

"First of all, and I'm not saying this as an excuse but as a fact, it was – it still is – very difficult for me to discuss such matters with you. Like I said, when you were young and most impressionable was unfortunately the time when I was grieving for your mother's death. It was a feeling I would not wish for anyone to experience, least of all my son, and somehow I ended up convincing myself – and you in turn – that a man should not allow himself to be affected by such things; that you should not let your attachment to another person influence your state of mind so profoundly. Because of my own painful experience I believed this was the best way to safeguard you from such grief in the future; but in hindsight I know I could not have been more wrong. I should never have forgotten that despite the pain it caused me, my attachment to your mother was the best thing that ever happened to me – in fact, the very thing that saved me."

"Saved you? From what?" asked the Major, more dumbfounded by the second; to an outsider the Colonel would appear quite calm, but Klaus knew that for his usually tight-lipped father this speech was nothing short of an emotional outburst. He never would have expected such a thing judging from his past behaviour, but somehow he got the impression that his father had been waiting to get all those things off his chest for years, and now that he finally got his chance there was no stopping him from letting it all out.

The Colonel's face darkened as he evidently recalled some very unpleasant memories. "As I was telling your wife yesterday, there was a time when I was a lot like you are now, Klaus Heinz," he said gravely. "I had no use for things like love, and I was completely consumed by my desire to serve my country and bring honour to this family like our ancestors had. I was fully dedicated to that; nothing else mattered to me. But as you well know, the war I happened to participate in was anything but honourable."

"You never did anything to be ashamed of during your term of service," the Major said, incensed; he did not like his father's self-deprecating tone one bit. "No, I did not," agreed the Colonel, "but the rest of the world didn't bother to discriminate between good Germans and bad Germans, especially the first years after the end of the war. You did not live through this; thankfully you were born after the war, and by the time you were grown up those prejudices had pretty much died down. But for those of us who were a part of it…I, and many others like me, never did anything worse than fight for our country; we never once had a hand in the atrocities committed by the SS or the Gestapo and the rest of the Nazi scum. And yet we were considered just as monstrous as they were; the shame of their crimes burdened our shoulders too and perhaps with good reason, because we let these things happen, we let our nation sink so low on our watch. There were many officers I knew of – good, upstanding men – who committed suicide, unable to live with this guilt on their conscience; or turned to drink and even more unsavory habits and ended up dying miserable deaths. I myself…for a long time regarded my life so far as a failure; I had done my duty, and yet what good had come out of it? Everything I believed in so far had betrayed me; I had done nothing wrong and yet I could no longer walk with my head held high. I had no future to look forward to…that's what I thought back then. I'm sure that if I had carried on thinking like this I would have probably ended up like those fellow officers I told you about; but my meeting with your mother and her love for me saved me from this fate. It made me think that if such a woman could fall in love with someone like me, then perhaps I was not such a worthless existence after all. And I knew that if I let my self-destructiveness get the better of me, I would break her heart and that, at least, I was determined not to have on my conscience. Her feelings and her trust sustained me; she gave me purpose to keep on living my life even after her passing, because she gave birth to you. Unfortunately…the more important a person is to you, the more painful it is when you lose them; and someone who is in such pain is bound to make mistakes when it comes to raising a child. I did my best in trying to raise you to become a decent man, and I do believe that regarding your capabilities and your morals I did not do such a bad job, but I always feared that the absence of a mother from your life was the reason why you never seemed to have any inclination to start a family yourself. I cannot express how glad I am to have been proven wrong in this matter."

After the end of this long speech they both fell silent for several minutes; the Major didn't really know how to respond to such an unprecedented confiding on his father's part. Certainly that 'talking' Eroica was going on about had yielded some mighty astounding results; all these years he had never once got an inkling of all this emotional baggage bottled up inside his father. Granted, they hadn't really been in much contact ever since Klaus was sent away to school – after he graduated and joined the army the Colonel retired from managing the estate and moved to Switzerland, and only came to visit on rare occasions – but still, his attitude so far had never betrayed anything even remotely close to this confession. He had always seemed proud of his achievements in the war, and although he had always declared openly how much he despised Nazis – indeed, he was largely the reason behind Klaus' own merciless persecution of Neo-Nazis – he had never revealed just how responsible he felt for the crimes committed in his time. And regarding his mother – come to think of it, this was probably the first time Klaus had heard him speak so much and so fondly of her. Until then he had invariably avoided the subject; the Major remembered that when he was little, whenever he inquired after his mother the Colonel would always find some pretext to send him away, sometimes rather brusquely too. As a result, after a while he just stopped asking about her, and what little he knew about her came from conversations he had overheard among the servants. He had always been puzzled about his father's reluctance to talk about his mother, but over time as he grew busier with studies and work, the question had just been pushed to the back of his mind like so many others. But now that he thought about it…this reluctance of his father's, as well as the fact that all photos and memorabilia of his mother were mostly kept out of sight…even the fact that the Colonel had moved to Switzerland as soon as Klaus became an adult; he wasn't that old at the time, and in any case even now he was perfectly capable of managing the estate; there really was no need for him to retire so early. Unless…he didn't want to live in this house where probably everything reminded him of her…even after so many years, it seemed that his father was still mourning for his loss. Which meant that his feelings for his mother were far more profound than Klaus ever imagined; a connection running so deep that influenced him even today, when the woman was dead for decades. He had always thought his father had no use for emotions either, but it seemed he was completely mistaken in this matter; and if he was wrong about his feelings, could it be that he was wrong about someone else's feelings too?

"I…really, I don't know what to say," he said in a low voice, looking at his father intensely. "I don't understand…why now? You never told me about any of this before…so why did you choose to tell me now?"

"That's because…until now I didn't think you'd understand," the Colonel said with a remorseful expression on his face. "Although maybe I also didn't want to destroy your image of me; I know you looked up to me, and I was afraid to display any sort of weakness in front of you, lest your good opinion of me was affected. I've never told you this, but it meant the world to me that you thought so highly of your father. But now that you are in love yourself, surely you must have realized it is not weakness but strength. Mark my words, _mein Sohn_; when your moment of weakness comes – and it will come, for we are all human – it is not duty that will keep you going but the support of your loved one. Your duties to the family and to your service are still of the utmost importance, and not for the world I would have you neglect them; but your foremost duty is to yourself. No matter what you do, you will never be a complete person unless you look inside your heart and do what _you _really want. At the risk of indulging your disobedience towards me, I will tell you that I found the fact that you married your wife without asking for my permission rather gratifying. So far you had never done anything against my will, and this shows that this marriage was something you truly wanted to do."

The Major felt guiltier than ever for deceiving his father about the marriage; but he didn't have the heart to tell him the truth even now. He was sure the Colonel would be devastated if he found out how he'd been tricked by his son, especially after having opened his heart to him like that. In any case, he was at least following the advice he'd given him; what he really wanted was to stay single, so that's what he was trying to accomplish. Although he would never know, the Colonel was right about the fears he had mentioned; he didn't know whether it was due to his mother's absence, but Klaus never had any inclination to start a family, in fact he found the mere thought of coexisting with a female completely abhorrent. He needed his space and his freedom just as much as he needed air to breathe; he had never enjoyed any close contact of any kind with another person. _Well, maybe except…_a small voice started saying in his head, but he quickly stifled it, determined not to admit to anything of the sort. But try as he might, he could not help but be impressed by his father's statement that love was not weakness but strength. He had always firmly believed that any kind of emotional attachment would only compromise his mental stability and hinder him from performing his duties to the best of his ability. But his father seemed to have found solace and sustenance in his mother's love for him; enough, even, to carry on with his life even after she was gone. Until then the Major thought that most marriages were compromises for the benefit of society, like the Chief's who used his hag of a wife as a cover to hide his homosexual tendencies. Even in marriages that seemed harmonious, like agent A's, there were always anxieties and insecurities cropping up; he couldn't help but noticing how fearful agent A was of him making a move on his wife, although he never had any such inclination – he only threw out a misleading comment every now and again to manipulate his second-in-command into submission. But it seemed that in his father's case, the bond between him and his mother was a lot different – special, empowering. Was it really possible…that he, too, could create such a bond with another person one day?

While the Major and his father were having this in-depth conversation, Eroica was doing his own intelligence-gathering down at the Schloss' kitchen. He hadn't chosen this particular way to leave Klaus alone with his father at random; having grown up in a castle himself, Dorian was well aware that the servants always knew everything there was to know about their masters, down to the last dirty detail. He didn't think there'd be that many dirty details about the Major's life, but he still wanted to find out as much as he could about him; if there was one thing his association with the Major had taught him, it was that the one with the most accurate information was the one who won the war. This was a golden opportunity to learn more about his beloved; and best of all, as the Major's 'wife' he didn't even have to do anything to gain the servants' trust; just a little of his natural charm and they were sure to tell him everything he needed to know.

So now, in the midst of preparing the pudding – he hadn't lied about that, pudding really was a favourite dessert of his father's, and when they had fallen on hard times it was also a surefire way to cheer him up Dorian had often used – he was busy ingratiating himself with Kurt Garstner the head cook, a man in his sixties who had been part of the household as long as the butler, Herr Hinkel, and knew Klaus ever since he was born. The kindly old man was every bit as devoted to his master as the butler, and he seemed overjoyed that he had finally gotten married.

"…And really, Frau Dorianne, even though it's not my place to say this, I couldn't be happier that the young master found such a charming lady to grace these halls. I didn't think there would be another woman worthy of taking Frau Hannelore's place, may she rest in peace, but you are indeed just as beautiful and gracious as she was."

"Oh, for shame, Herr Garstner," giggled Eroica in mock bashfulness, "my dearest Klaus will start getting jealous if he hears you flatter me so! But I am truly sorry I never had the chance to meet with Klaus' mother; she must have been quite a woman."

"Oh, indeed she was; the kind of beauty you don't see these days, let me tell you. The young women today are all so superficial, but Frau Hannelore was a true lady; so elegant and kind-hearted, she would light up a room just by walking in. The master was devoted to her, and she to him; a happier couple I had never seen. Unfortunately, her health had always been a bit weak – the hardships of the war, you know – and there were some complications during labour too…and in the end she died a few weeks after the young master was born. The master was heartbroken, although he pulled it together and raised the young master all by himself…but he was never the same since."

"Oh, that is indeed so sad," Eroica said, genuinely moved; he could honestly sympathize with the Major in that regard. Not only because he had lost his mother, but because he had never got to see his parents happy together. Dorian understood exactly how that felt, because he had never seen his parents happy together either; for as long as he could remember, they were either quarrelling or ignoring each other. That was to be expected, of course; his father was a homosexual and had never really loved his mother; he had only married her for convenience and to bear him an heir. During the first years of their marriage he might have indulged her a little, but as soon as he, the heir, was born he refused to even enter her bedroom again and pretty much openly acknowledged his homosexuality, at least as much as society permitted at the time. Consequently their marriage went quickly down the drain, and Dorian knew that his mother subconsciously blamed him for it; if he hadn't been born, his father might still be with her…although it was irrational to think so, it is part and parcel of the human nature to try and blame something or someone for one's misfortunes. He was certain that's what was behind his mother's constant disapproval of everything he did, as well as her refusal to have anything to do with him after he had admitted that he, too, was a homosexual. Perhaps…the Colonel's strictness towards the Major had a similar reason behind it; it was possible that he also subconsciously blamed his son, whose birth undermined his mother's health and eventually caused him to lose his beloved wife, and because of that he was severe and distant with him when he was little. Aiming to see if his theory was right, he turned graciously to the cook again.

"Honestly, it breaks my heart to think that my poor Klaus grew up without a mother's loving care," he said almost tearfully; and he wasn't faking it this time, he really felt for the Major about this. "I'm sure the dear Colonel must have done everything in his power to raise him properly, but as a man he couldn't have given him a mother's affection. Unless, of course, he hired a nanny or a governess to oversee his upbringing?"

Herr Garstner shook his head. "_Nein_; we all expected him to do so, but the master refused to let any outsider have a hand in the young master's upbringing. He said that only an Eberbach could teach him the principles of this family properly. To tell you the truth, some of us thought the real reason was because he didn't want another woman in the house after Frau Hannelore's death, but of course that was nothing but conjecture. The end result was that the young master was mostly raised by the master himself and Herr Hinkel. He had a male home tutor for some years, and when he was old enough he was sent to the master's Catholic school; the Eberbachs have been getting their education there for generations."

So basically the Major had been raised exclusively by men and educated by nuns; well, at least now Dorian could understand why he had become a prude to the point of obsession. The Colonel had probably withdrawn from society for many years after his wife's death, seeing as he was grieving for her so deeply, and as a result the young Klaus must have had next to no contact with women, except for the nuns in his school; in all probability, he didn't even know about sex until he was all grown up, unlike Dorian who had been acquainted with all kinds of relationships from a very young age.

"You know, I often wonder what Klaus was like as a child," he mused with a little smile. "I like to imagine he was an adorable little tot, but then in my eyes he would always be adorable."

It was fortunate that the Major wasn't there to hear himself being called an 'adorable little tot' or the Earl would surely have met with an unfortunate accident before the end of the day. Herr Garstner smiled as well. "Adorable…well, I don't know about that…but he was one strong-willed lad, let me tell you. I don't think I ever saw him crying, except when he was a baby; and even then it was rare. And he never complained about anything; the master put him through some mighty rigorous training in order to make him strong and resilient, but he endured it without ever whining or sulking like a normal child would."

"Training? You mean like military training?" the Earl asked curiously, and Herr Garstner nodded affirmatively. "Yes, that sort of thing; exercising, combat techniques, and weapons use of course; the young master was really fond of that last part."

Dorian had a feeling that would be the case, but he said nonetheless, "Still…most people would not consider weapon handling the most educational thing for a child, I think."

"I suppose you're right, but the Eberbachs have always been soldiers and fighters, and you could say it's a family tradition for the children to be instructed about weaponry from a very young age. At any rate, the master wouldn't have it any other way, and as it turned out the young master himself was a dab hand at it; he knew how to shoot a handgun before he was five, and by the time he was seven he could take apart, clean and reassemble a gun on his own." He chuckled a little. "I still remember that time when he got ahold of the master's antique Winchester rifle and pulled it apart to see if he could reassemble it by himself; the master was absolutely furious when he caught him at it. Had him confined to the tower for one whole day, but the young master didn't say a word about it; he wouldn't even apologize. Oh yes, a mighty stubborn child he was."

Apparently even as a child Klaus was a lot like his present self, Dorian thought; even his childish mischiefs had nothing to do with raiding the cookie jar or anything like that. Then again, he, too, as a child got up to some very adultlike shenanigans; he was pretty sure that cracking the lock of his mother's jewel case and stealing her precious emerald necklace went a bit beyond a usual child's prank. But more than that he was impressed by the fact that Klaus had been essentially getting a soldier's training ever since he could walk and talk; no wonder he was so rigid and strict both with himself and everyone around him. His days were most likely full of studying and exercising with nothing in the way of playing; his only amusement was probably fooling around with weapons. A dangerous sort of fooling around, to be sure; but the Major was obviously never faint-hearted, even as a young lad. Apparently since when he was little he had the nerve to stand up even to that formidable father of his; so it was no surprise that he grew up to become such an undaunted, fearless person. And such a lonely person too, because Dorian was positive that someone possessing such qualities would never be able to get along with normal children.

"What about friends, didn't he have anyone to play with?" he asked the cook, seeking to verify that last assumption. "_Nein_, not really," Herr Garstner said, shaking his head. "He didn't spend much time outside the Schloss anyway, what with the master's training taking up most of his time, and as you can imagine the children of the common folk around here could not very well come over to play. He sometimes met with the other children in the village when the master took him to the church and such, but they were always afraid of him. Herr Hinkel thought this was probably because he had told them about how he had a gun of his own and knew how to use it too, and I tend to agree with him."

Assuredly that would frighten off most children and probably their parents too, especially coupled with the Major's terrifying demeanor. "Oh, but it is so regrettable that my dear Klaus didn't have any friends as a child," Eroica said. "At least when he went to school he must have made a friend or two, yes?"

"I'm not sure really, since he never talked much about his life in school," replied the cook. "But I don't think he was any more sociable there, if the reports the master got from the school were any indication. It seems that the young master often got into fights; apparently whenever he saw any of his classmates breaking the rules or bullying other children he considered it his duty to beat them into the straight and narrow. The master didn't mind this too much though; he said this showed that the young master had the makings of a good soldier, and as long as he fought fairly and did not otherwise neglect his studies he did not punish him for it. But I seriously doubt this attitude would get the young master any friends; I'll wager that everyone in his school was scared to death of him."

Dorian could not help but agree with him on this. Now that he had a fair idea about the Major's childhood, it was clear that he had never let anyone get close to him; or rather, no one had ever worked up the courage to get close to him. In all probability he was the very first person who had not been intimidated or repulsed by Klaus' brusqueness and tendency to manhandle or shoot anyone who opposed him; the very first person who actively sought his company even after getting first-hand experience of this attitude of his. And now that he knew this, he no longer wondered why Klaus had such a hard time believing that he honestly had feelings for him. Of course he'd find it hard to believe that someone would want to be with him, when until then everyone else could not get away from him fast enough – especially when that someone happened to be a thief, and a thief who had tricked him a good many times to boot. The question was, how to convince him of his sincerity, how to make someone as distrustful as the Major give him at least the benefit of the doubt about this. Dorian wasn't sure what could he do to make Klaus place even a minimum of trust in him, but he realized that he should focus on that from now on. Sexual enticement could only get him so far; in order to get past the Major's defenses he needed something more substantial.

The pudding was pretty much done by then, and soon afterwards Eroica cordially excused himself and went to get cleaned up. A short while later he returned downstairs to the dining-room; lunch was going to be served soon. Just then the Major and his father returned from their walk and joined him; to his relief, they didn't seem to be on bad terms, although both of them were thoughtful and silent. Dorian wondered what had they talked about, but of course he knew better than to ask; so he just pretended he hadn't noticed anything and started chatting about various harmless subjects until Herr Hinkel announced that lunch was ready.

All through lunch Klaus was dreading the moment when dessert would be brought in; he disliked sweets as it were, but he had a presentiment that a pudding handmade by Eroica would be worse even than Mr. L's sickeningly sweet chocolate cake. When the servant finally brought it in and uncovered the platter, his worst fears came true; in it rested an oval-shaped bread-like thing dotted with dried plum and swimming in a white sticky stuff – it was crème anglaise, of course, but the whole image reminded the Major of something a lot more indecent. And not only did it look obscene, but it contained an impossible amount of fat and sugar, judging from the taste; after just one bite Klaus could feel his stomach lurch, struggling to empty its contents; but unfortunately that was not an option with his father in the vicinity. Figuring that the quicker this torment ended the better, he gobbled up his portion as fast as he could, trying his utmost to give the appearance of enjoying it. "My word, Klaus Heinz must be very fond of your cooking," remarked the Colonel, impressed. "In all my years I've never seen him enjoy a sweet quite so much. Of course, I enjoyed it very much too, but I'm afraid I can't have any more right now; it's a bit heavy for a man my age," he hastened to add, in an evident attempt to explain away his unfinished portion. Eroica wasn't fooled for a minute of course, but ultimately he couldn't care less whether his pudding was eaten or not; either way it had served its purpose. After lunch was over, the Colonel stated that he would retreat to the sitting-room to read today's newspaper; but when the Major suggested they joined him he was immediately waved off. "No need to fuss over me, Klaus Heinz, I'm not an invalid," he said with a dismissive gesture. "You should spend some quality time with your wife instead; after all this time you've been apart I'm sure you have a lot of catching up to do." "But sir…" the Major tried to object, dreading the thought of spending any more 'quality time' with the thief than absolutely necessary, but to no avail. "No buts, Klaus Heinz," the Colonel cut him off tersely. "You youngsters go have a good time _by yourselves_, and I don't want to see either of you before dinner. That's an order." "Yes sir," the Major said gloomily and withdrew, inwardly cursing his inability to disobey his father – but then, who would have thought that one day he'd be ordered to spend an afternoon in Eroica's company.

"Well then Major, it would seem it's just you and me for now," the Earl purred joyfully after having made sure there were no servants nearby to overhear them. "Oh come on, no need to be so depressed about it," he added, noticing the Major's expression which bore a strong resemblance to that of a convict ascending to the gallows. "Is it that unpleasant for you to be alone with me?"

"Well, let me think…the last time I was alone with you I fell victim to a disgusting, hideous and thoroughly immoral attack," Klaus said acrimoniously. "I believe I have every right to be displeased at the prospect of spending any more time with you."

Eroica gave him an annoyed glance. "That again?" he said. "Major, at the risk of repeating myself let me remind you once again that if you were so disgusted by what I did you could have stopped me anytime. I hadn't tied you down or anything."

"Yes, and then you would have gone straight to my father and told him everything about how I deceived him," retorted the Major. "Isn't that what you always do? How many times before have you jumped at the chance to blackmail me the minute you found something to use against me?"

The Earl sighed wearily. "I would never do that, Major, not this time," he said gravely. "Not out of the goodness of my heart, mind you, but if I went and exposed you like you said, your father would not only be furious at you, but he would certainly demand of you to get married for real, and right away. And you would never be able to refuse after having offended him in such a manner, now would you?"

For a few seconds the Major just stared at him, stunned; he knew of course that Eroica didn't want him to get married, but he had never imagined that the success of this plan would be so important to him – important enough to override even his enormous willfulness. "Do you see now?" Dorian said in the same serious tone. "I could blackmail you with just about anything else, Major, but not this – I stand to lose just as much as you do should we fail."

Then he smiled again, seeking to dispel the bad mood. "Oh well, enough of this," he said. "I don't want to waste our precious alone time fighting." The Major winced at the words 'alone time' but he didn't say anything. "So…what would you like to do? I know our interests are very different, but if we try I bet we can find something we both enjoy. Can't you think of anything we could do together that would please you?"

"Except for beating the daylights out of you, nothing comes to mind," Klaus said sullenly; unfortunately the Earl wasn't disheartened in the least by this statement, but then again he never was. "Oh, I know," he said cheerfully as though he hadn't heard him at all. "After two whole days with me I'll wager you're dying to take a shot at something, so why don't we do that?"

"Do what – go shooting? With _you_?" the Major said incredulously, thinking his ears were playing tricks on him. "Mm-hmm," the Earl nodded eagerly. "I'll even be a sport and shoot against you."

"Have you lost your mind?" Klaus exclaimed. "You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if your life depended on it! What makes you think I would enjoy getting shot because of your clumsiness?"

"Oh Major, clearly you have no idea what the power of love can do," Eroica said with a dreamy smile. "It can overcome even the limitations of our nature itself…mind over matter, and all that." Klaus just looked at him, bewildered; what nonsense was that idiot spouting now? What mind over matter – there was no way he could just miraculously learn to shoot, was there? Without paying attention to his astonishment, the Earl leaned forward and said with an enigmatic smile, "In fact…I'll bet anything you want that I can shoot at least as well as you do, provided that I'm allowed to choose my own weapon."

The Major's astonished look immediately changed to one of wariness. That sly thief was plotting something, he could feel it in his bones, but for the life of him he could not figure out why did he suddenly become so confident about his shooting abilities when until then even he admitted that he was a hopeless shot. But in the end his pride prevailed over his misgivings; as if he could allow that airhead claim he could shoot as well as Iron Klaus when he knew for a fact that he was the worst shot imaginable! "I'm not making any bets with the likes of you, but it looks like you need to be taught a lesson in humility and since I'm stuck with you anyway, I might as well make sure you learn it," he said. Without another word he turned around sharply and led the way to the armoury, and the Earl followed him with a satisfied smile; from the looks of it, his little ruse to pique the Major's interest had worked perfectly.

The armoury was a spacious room near the gallery, with all sorts of ancient weapons decoratively arrayed on the walls as well as several glass-covered show cases lined up alongside the walls, containing a remarkable amount of guns of all designs and sizes, from handguns to fully automatic rifles, even a light machine gun complete with bipod and cartridges. Each and every one of them was spotlessly cleaned and ready to use at a moment's notice. Klaus walked in the middle of the room and gestured towards the arrayed showcases with a sinister smile; he was positive that no matter which gun he chose, Eroica would be just as hopeless. "Take your pick."

The Earl walked in himself and took a look at the displayed guns, then turning towards the Major he asked again, "Any of them is fine? I can choose any weapon in this room, correct?"

"As long as it shoots, anything goes," the Major said with confidence. Eroica gave a mischievous smile. "All right then." Without hesitation he walked over decisively to one of the showcases…but instead of opening it he reached up to the wall behind it and removed a crossbow and quiver hanging over it. "I'll go with this."

"What the…don't tell me you're going to use that?" Klaus said dumbfounded. "Why not? It may be old, but knowing you I'm sure it's in perfect working condition."

"It is, but…it's a crossbow!" exclaimed the Major. "I thought you were going to use a gun!"

"I never said anything about using a gun," said the Earl with the same mischievous smile. "And you agreed that I could use any _weapon_ in this room. Last time I checked crossbows were considered weapons, my dear Major."

So that's why the thief was so confident about his shooting abilities – he never intended to fire a gun in the first place! Klaus clenched his fists, exasperated at himself for having been tricked yet again; he should have remembered that although Eroica was a total klutz with modern weapons he handled ancient ones with uncanny dexterity. But he hadn't won just yet and he wasn't going to, not if Iron Klaus had anything to say about it. With burning eyes he swiftly went over to another show case, pulled out his favourite Magnum and several cartridges and marched out of the room, heading for the shooting range in large strides. _I'll be damned if I let that William Tell wannabe make a fool out of me and my guns! I don't care how good he is, he's going down!_

Fortunately they didn't run into any of the servants on their way to the shooting range, because the sight of the Major and his 'wife' armed with a gun and a crossbow respectively would be rather difficult to explain away. As soon as they got there the Major went to set the targets, still fuming over the fast one Eroica had pulled on him yet again. "I've got to hand it to you, you are one sly fellow," he muttered darkly, the anger in his voice tinged with just a hint of grudging admiration. "How did you even know there was a crossbow in there…?" He stopped short, clapping a hand to his forehead. "_Scheisse,_ I'm such an idiot. The grand tour yesterday – you saw it!"

"A thief's eyes miss nothing, my love," the Earl said sweetly, with a childish smirk on his face. "I may not be interested in weapons but that doesn't mean I won't notice or remember them; in my line of work you don't get very far without good memory and observation skills."

"You're going to need more than that to best me," snorted the Major aggressively, handing him a pair of earmuffs. Then he proceeded to load his Magnum, while Eroica tested the string of his bow and notched in an arrow. They took positions, each before his own targets, and the Major said, "On my mark…fire!"

Arrow and bullet flew together, hitting the first target. Then they moved on to the next one, pausing for just a few seconds for the Earl to notch in another arrow and fired again; and this went on in the same fashion until they had hit all six of their respective targets. They lowered their weapons and took their earmuffs off, and then went over to check out the targets.

Much to Klaus' annoyance, the thief had made his boast good; his arrows had pierced the targets dead center, pretty much as accurately as his own bullets. "Well, Major, any comments on my outstanding marksmanship? Or are you too impressed for words?"

"The only thing I'm impressed by is your extraordinary ability to annoy me," replied Klaus sourly. "Major, I have to admit I'm surprised," the Earl said with affected innocence. "I had never imagined you'd be such a sore loser."

"That's because I'm not a loser you idiot," snapped the Major irritably. "It's a draw, and the only reason you got even that in the first place was because I was damn near poisoned by that loathsome abomination you had me eat just now!"

"Darling, I know you despise sweets, but isn't calling my pudding an abomination a bit too harsh?" Eroica asked; he didn't seem at all angry though, more like amused by Klaus' reaction. "For your information, even Herr Garstner said it was quite tasty."

"I don't care what others think of it, I say it's my worst nightmare come true and that's final," said the Major persistently. "Not only I'll have to do, like, five thousand push-ups to burn all that fat and sugar, it even looked offensive – almost like…" He stopped mid-sentence and shook his head vigorously in an effort to get rid of the mental image which had probably scarred him for life.

"Dear me, and you say that I have a dirty mind, Major," chuckled Eroica, instantly understanding what he meant. "But actually, you're not far off the mark…you'll be interested to know that this kind of pudding is in fact called 'spotted dick'. It's a fitting name, don't you agree?"

Upon hearing that information Klaus felt his stomach lurch more violently than ever; verdammt, how much did that thief had to torment him before he was satisfied? "_Mein Gott, _I don't believe this," he groaned, making a face of utter disgust. "Even the food you make must needs have sexual innuendo; is there no limit to your depravity?" Then suddenly he thought of something and his eyes narrowed to slits, glinting menacingly. "I know what you're trying to do," he growled. "You want to upset me and make me lose my composure so that you'll win the next round, but let me tell you, it's _not_ going to work." He marched over to the targets and put up a new set and then they shot again; with about the same results, to the Major's exponentially increasing frustration. "Give it up, darling," Eroica said in singsong, watching with amusement his beloved Major seething over the targets. "I'm just as good with a crossbow as you are with a gun, and you simply have to live with that. Don't you remember how I once shot a Kalashnikov out of a sniper's hand with a bow like this one?"

How could the Major forget – that mission in Switzerland was easily one of the most troublesome he had ever been in. He had nearly drowned, climbed in the dead of the night up a cliff that would've dismayed even the most experienced alpinists and faced down an entire KGB squad all by himself; and what awaited him at the end of all these hardships was probably the worst trial of all: a mountain of paperwork he had to tackle after banishing his entire alphabet save Z to Alaska. A nightmarish mission indeed; and as was usually the case with every nightmarish mission, Eroica was smack in the middle of it, constantly butting his nose in and upsetting the Major's most carefully laid plans. Well, in all fairness Klaus had to admit he could be useful at times – if not for him he might well have met his maker at the bottom of that lake – but he was just as much trouble as he was worth, what with his unpredictable antics and never-ending sexual harassment. There was no telling what he'd do next – one moment he'd whack Klaus over the head with a freaking _stone_ angel's wing and the next he'd jump right into a freezing lake to save him without the slightest hesitation. He was absolutely fearless, probably because he was too daft to know fear; no one but him would be climbing a precipitous cliff in pitch darkness and ogling a man's posterior instead of watching his step during that time. But the most irksome thing about him was how he just had to make a show out of everything he did, how he always had to act grandiose and flamboyant; it was almost as if he was constantly playing some sort of part and had to be in-character with his role at all times. Perhaps that was the most important reason why Klaus had such a hard time trusting him, despite the fact that when push came to shove the thief always stood by him; he simply had no way of knowing which of what he said or did was genuine and which an act, a pretense for the benefit of his audience – be that real or imaginary. At times he thought he discerned something like sincerity in him, like in the incident with the sniper the Earl had mentioned just now; for all his frivolousness and exasperating infatuations with artworks and pretty boys, whenever Eroica worked alongside him he could be counted on to watch his back with unfailing devotion – maybe that was why he, too, had taken the trouble to save him on several occasions when he could well have left him to his fate. But these spells never lasted long; whenever the Major began considering the possibility that Eroica might not be a complete pain in the butt, that idiot would start spouting annoying romantic crap again or pull some outrageous stunt which made the Major as enraged with him as ever.

"Ah, those were the days," the Earl said nostalgically, blissfully oblivious of the Major's thoughts again. "That Dawn Crow character was quite tough, even for a Russian; almost as bad as Mischa. What are these blokes up to these days, I wonder; it's been so long since we last had to do with them that sometimes I feel we're bound to cross paths with them once again one of these days."

"What do you mean 'we'?" the Major asked angrily. "Don't speak as though we're on the same side when you've caused me more trouble than the KGB itself, you insolent moron! And don't mention Mischa and the rest of them either; you're not supposed to know about them in the first place!"

"Not supposed to know about them? Really now, darling, there's a limit to being paranoid," Eroica chided him gently. "So far I've had so many confrontations with Mischa that I feel I know him almost as well as I know you – although I must confess I don't find him nearly as charming. Besides, don't tell me you're still afraid of me going after your precious military secrets? I think you should know by now that I don't have the slightest interest in anything that doesn't aesthetically please me – and they most certainly do not. The only reason I ever tried to get my hands on them was to get to you."

Surprisingly enough, the Major actually believed that – he had long since abandoned the idea that Eroica might be trying to win his affections in order to get information out of him. First of all, if that's what he intended he'd be way more subtle about it; only a complete idiot would steal Iron Klaus' mission objectives and use them to blackmail him and then actually expect to be trusted with top secret information – and Eroica was many things, but definitely not an idiot. Moreover, he was way too whimsical and impulsive to be a secret agent – a spy was supposed to be disciplined and cool-headed at all times, as Klaus knew first-hand, while that fool would change his mind in a matter of minutes and never listened to anyone but his own ego; no agency in the world would ever tolerate such an unruly attitude of any operative. No, the Major had no trouble believing that Eroica followed him around out of pure self-indulgence, nothing more sinister than that; but he still was extra careful not to divulge anything of importance to him because unfortunately most of his enemies weren't nearly as perceptive. He was fully aware that most of them firmly believed Eroica was some sort of undercover NATO operative, although he couldn't even begin to imagine how they had reached such a conclusion – couldn't those imbeciles see that bloody egomaniac only cared about satisfying his perverted interests? However, the fact remained that as long as they were convinced of that there was always a possibility of them capturing and interrogating him, and for all his spunk the Major was positive that the thief would never be able to withstand professional torture. But he could not tell what he didn't know, and that's why the Major took such pains to make sure he stayed in the dark about his work as much as possible. Ultimately it wasn't anything personal; he did the same with his own team too because he didn't really expect them to be any more resilient or capable of outsmarting the enemy than Eroica if need arose; in fact, they'd probably do worse than the thief in such a situation. For all his efforts to keep his secrets hidden though, the Earl had wound up finding out a great deal about them every time he got involved in his missions – he was too sharp-minded even for the Major to fool – but he had never seemed to be even remotely interested in them unless they were part of some hare-brained scheme of his to get closer to the Major. Other than that he had no use for them; he had never once considered selling them to the enemy, although that stingy bug of his had certainly considered that possibility too; and whenever he realized he was dealing with something too dangerous for him to handle he invariably turned it over to the Major without question. As odd as it sounded, Klaus could actually trust this fake wife to support him in that deathly perilous work of his far more than he could ever trust any real one.

Then suddenly he was reminded of something else, something that had been on the back of his mind since he had heard Eroica mention it yesterday. "Speaking of past secrets…that Lord Price you mentioned to my father yesterday…he's not a real person, is he?" he asked. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you it would be very problematic if Father ever happened to run into him."

"Oh, you don't need to worry about that, Major," said the Earl in a cold voice Klaus wasn't accustomed to hearing coming out of him. "He's real all right, but he's very conveniently dead, so there's no chance your father will ever run into him."

"What about his family members?" the Major asked again, wanting to be as thorough as possible in not leaving any loose ends. "He had no immediate family," replied Eroica. "And he was pretty much as I described him to your father – an English lord much older than me. He was an old friend of my father's too, so he is known to have ties with the Gloria family, should your father ever inquire about that."

"An old friend of your father's? Just that?" the Major asked sharply; from the Earl's countenance it was obvious that this Lord Price wasn't just any old family friend. Dorian sighed in resignation; he wasn't the only one who knew the Major well after all. He considered trying to bluff his way out of this, but in the end decided it would be best to come clean. He had no hope of deceiving the Major anyway, and maybe, just maybe, if he was honest with him for once he might have more of a chance of winning even a little bit of his trust.

"…No, not just that," he said slowly, furrowing his brow; this was one incident he could never speak of easily no matter how much time passed. "He was also…the man I lost my virginity to."

Klaus felt his cheeks blush in spite of himself – this was one thing he had never expected to hear. "Lost your…but you said he was much older than you," he said awkwardly. "When did you…?" He stopped short, realizing he had just asked the thief something very personal he had no business prying into.

"I was thirteen," Dorian said simply, and Klaus' eyes widened in shock. He hadn't even touched himself at that age, while the Earl had been…Dorian must have guessed what was on his mind, because he hastened to add, "No need to look like that, Major, it was consensual. I was deceived, perhaps, but not raped."

"You were…deceived…?" the Major asked, perplexed; what was that supposed to mean? "Were you…in love with that man and he jilted you or something?" There was a queasy, unpleasant feeling in his stomach as he asked that; somehow the idea of the Earl being in love with someone else struck him as very disagreeable. It was strange, considering how many times he had seen him with his own eyes fawning over some pretty young man or other and never cared the least bit about it; but come to think of it, all those times despite his demonstrative shows of affection Eroica had never seemed to be seriously in love with any of those youngsters. But this was different; this man must have been someone Dorian had really been in love with, and for some reason although the man was apparently long dead, Klaus found that knowledge extremely bothersome.

"With him? Oh, no," Eroica said without hesitation and the Major felt kind of relieved, although he had no idea why that was. "I was in love with something he possessed, though," the Earl went on. "A painting."

_Why am I not surprised,_ Klaus thought to himself. "Let me guess – some pretty boy with revealing clothes again, huh?" he snorted derisively.

"You know me too well, Major," chuckled the Earl. "Well, actually it was a portrait so it wasn't all that indecent even by your standards, but apart from that you are quite correct."

"But how did your liking this painting result in your first time…?" the Major asked again before he could stop himself; he knew he had no right to ask this, but whenever he came upon a potentially useful piece of information he just couldn't help digging for more. Well, it wasn't like he was forcing Eroica to answer him anyway; if the Earl didn't want to answer his questions he'd let him be, but he figured it was worth giving it a shot to see what he might find out. "And what was that about you being deceived? Aren't you usually the one deceiving others?"

"Major, like I said, I was but a lad of thirteen at the time," Dorian said, somewhat annoyed; really, the Major seemed to be under the impression that he had been a conman since birth. Sure enough, he had never been a paragon of virtue, but still…in any case, maybe it wouldn't hurt to set the record straight about that at least, he thought. Sighing once again, he went on to explain, "Lord Price was well aware of my attachment to his painting – indeed, it would be impossible for him not to notice, seeing as I spent hours and hours gazing at it whenever I went to his house. So, to make a long story short, he offered it to me in exchange for sleeping with him – and I accepted."

" 'Anything I want, I always get', huh," muttered the Major, staring at him with an inscrutable expression. "But in the end you didn't get the painting, did you?"

"No, I didn't – Lord Price sent me a fake instead," Dorian said darkly. "The old fool – I still can't believe he actually thought I wouldn't realize after having spent so many hours looking at the real thing! Or maybe he supposed I couldn't do anything about it either way, since I was only a child then." He gave a malicious smile. "He couldn't have been more wrong."

"_Ja_, there's no way _you_ would've taken this lying down," admitted the Major; he of all people knew how stubborn Eroica could be when deprived of something he had set his heart on, especially if he was cheated out of it in such a manner. "But there really wasn't much you _could _do about it as a child…unless…" His eyes widened in shock again as he drew the only possible conclusion. "Don't tell me you actually _stole _the damned thing?"

"Well…to be quite honest, I tried to but my first attempt wasn't very successful, I'm sorry to say," Eroica said shamefacedly, making a face of displeasure; even now his pride was still wounded over that. "In fact, I barely managed to avoid getting caught at the time. But I vowed that one day I'd become good enough to reclaim what was rightfully mine, and since then I've spared no effort to become the best thief the world has ever seen. Incidentally, I did manage to steal that painting some years ago," he concluded proudly. "Regrettably it was after Lord Price's death, but at least the portrait is now mine – as it should be."

"Hold on, you mean that…you became a thief because of that old man swindling you back then?" Klaus said incredulously. "That was your reason?" Verdammt, if that was true…how he wished Lord Price would come back to life so that he could kill him with his own hands all over again! If it hadn't been for him…then Eroica might still be a perverted queer, but at least he wouldn't be a thief stealing anything and everything of the Major's he could get his hands on! Although on second thought…if Eroica hadn't become a thief then their paths might never have crossed in the first place…and that would be…that would be…Klaus didn't know _what_ that would be, but he didn't dare think about it any further; he was seriously afraid of what he might find at the end of that particular trail of thought.

"I…don't really know the answer to that, Major," the Earl said thoughtfully. "I might have become a thief anyway even if that hadn't happened, since I always had a knack for stealing and I was never what you'd call a scrupulous person in the first place. Whenever I saw something I fancied and then was told I couldn't have it…I became exceedingly annoyed, and invariably tried to possess it by any means possible."

"And you never let little things like ethics stand in your way, right?" said the Major sarcastically. "Never," the thief replied serenely, as though he had said the most natural thing in the world. "Do you despise me for that, Major? Do you think it was reprehensible of me that I was willing to give up my virginity just to obtain something I wanted?"

The Major stared straight into his eyes for one full minute without saying anything. Looking down on Eroica about this would've been the easy thing to do – but not the honest one, and damn it all, Iron Klaus wasn't the kind of man who would take the easy way out. Eroica had the guts to tell him his true opinion of him; he should at least be able to give him his honest opinion as well.

"It's not…my place to judge you for that," he said eventually. "I, too, have done just about anything in order to complete my missions – I haven't slept with anyone for that reason, but I've even killed without a second thought for it." He gave the Earl one of his cold, bitter smiles. "Perhaps it is like you told me this morning; at the end of the day, I suppose I'm as much of a sinner as you are."

"But this is different," the Earl objected. "You do those things because it is your duty, not for your own selfish pleasure. You have no choice but to do them."

"No choice? Do you really think that?" the Major asked drily. "You are right about my duty, but I work as a secret agent because I _want _to, Eroica – or did you think I couldn't get out of it if I so desired?"

"No, I never once thought that," Dorian said. "You are made for this job – ever since I met you I was sure there was nothing else you'd rather do."

"Exactly," said the Major seriously. "There's nothing that gives me more satisfaction than doing my job, and that includes everything – even its dirtiest parts." He gave another cold smile. "Well, what do you think of that? Are you disappointed now that I destroyed your idealized image of me?"

It was now Dorian's turn to stare at the Major dumbfounded. "Is that what you were trying to do?" he asked in disbelief. "Major…I think the world of you indeed, but I'm afraid I don't have any idealized image for you to destroy. I am fully aware that you have weaknesses and faults just like everyone else. Good heavens…don't tell me you believe that I've been chasing you all these years because I think of you as some saint I just have to corrupt."

"Then…what _do _you think of me as?" asked the Major sharply. "And no romantic bullcrap this time, or I'll really beat the daylights out of you. Keep it clear and simple."

"I think of you…as a person I very much want to be with," the Earl said in a clear, even voice, devoid of any of his usual theatrical tones. "A person, Major – not a target. I know you find it hard to believe, but at least believe me when I say this: if I saw you merely as a trophy, I would have gotten you to sleep with me a long time ago."

"Oh really? Am I that easy to sleep with?" asked the Major scornfully. "Anyone is easy to sleep with if the right tactics are used," Eroica said matter-of-factly. "Major…have you never wondered why, although I've done just about anything to get your attention, I never once tried to act my way into your bed?"

"As if I would ever be fooled by any act of yours," Klaus said in the same contemptuous tone. "Wouldn't you?" Dorian asked gravely. "I fooled your father, who is by no means a simpleton, into believing that I'm a prim and proper lady, and it took me…what, a few hours to pull it off? If I ever wanted to fool _you_ into believing, for instance, that I have changed my ways, that I have decided to quit being a lecherous thief and become a dignified lord instead, how much time do you think I'd need to convince you of my sincerity? Can you honestly say I could not act the part convincingly enough to deceive you?"

Much as he wanted to, there was no way the Major could say with certainty that he would never be deceived in such a manner. Mortifying as it was to admit it, he had been tricked by Eroica about other things on numerous occasions, and that in spite of never having blindly trusted him. And he knew all too well the extent of the thief's acting abilities; yesterday he had been almost suckered in by his performance at some points, even though he was fully aware it was an act he was putting on. If Eroica ever really wanted to fool him into believing something…if he used his acting skills to the fullest towards that end…even if he didn't succeed at first, there was a very good chance that in the end he would attain what he wanted.

"But you'd never be able to keep up such an act forever," he countered, trying to convince himself rather than the Earl though. "Eventually you'd come across something you'd want to steal and you would show your true colours. It would only be a matter of time before you reverted to your old self."

"Exactly," Dorian said in the same serious tone. "This is something that could only work for a short while. So, if I just wanted to sleep with you a few times and then go on my merry way it would've been enough; but not if I wanted to have you as a partner for life."

It seemed as though on that day everyone around the Major had decided to behave out of character – first his father had become sentimental, now Eroica was being serious, what was next, Herr Hinkel deciding to renounce tailcoats and start wearing a maid dress instead? The sheer number of shocking revelations he'd been subjected to ever since he woke up this morning was far too great to come to terms with, especially in such a short time. For several minutes he remained silent, staring at the gun he was still holding in his hands, struggling to keep his wits together and not let himself be overwhelmed by everything he had heard today. "Why?" he asked for the umpteenth time today, as he raised his head again to meet Dorian's eyes. "If this is really how you feel about me, why in God's name didn't you ever say so?"

"Why, whatever do you mean, Major?" the Earl asked, genuinely surprised. "I do believe I've earnestly confessed my feelings for you quite a few times already."

"Yes – but never…you know…the way you did now! All this time – you had to act like an idiot, spouting cheesy lines and sexually harassing me! Did it never occur to you that you might get a different response if only you spoke of your feelings seriously?"

"But I'm not serious," Dorian said, although ironically his manner at that moment completely contradicted his words. "Don't think that I don't know my own traits as well as I know yours, Major. I am perfectly aware that I'm a whimsical, fanciful person – someone who likes enjoying his life to the fullest and who believes in living each day as though it was his last one. To this day, you are the only thing I have ever taken seriously in my entire life – and also the only thing that has taken precedence over my own pleasure. And just like I don't have any idealized image of you, I never wanted you to have a false impression of me either; I wanted you to see me for who I truly am. I'm not naive, Major, even though I often appear to be; I understand very well that with all those differences we have between us, there's not much of a chance that you will ever come to love the real me. But although I wouldn't hesitate to deceive you about anything else, I refuse to deceive you about this. If you ever fall in love with me, you will do it with your eyes open, and you will know exactly what you're getting."

So the thief was acting like a fool around him all this time because he was being _serious_? It was probably the most absurd reasoning Klaus had ever heard so far; and yet amazingly it made sense. Admittedly not in a 'normal' way, but considering Eroica's unconventional personality it was to be expected that he'd adopt an unconventional way to get his feelings across as well. The surprising part was that he was actually aware of his attitude backfiring on him; all these years the Major had been convinced that the fop believed his outrageous antics to be effective. And yet he had kept on acting like this even though he knew he was essentially sabotaging himself – and for what? Just so the Major would know what he was getting into? Was it really possible that a person who was, by his own admittance, completely self-centered, had in this case acted not merely selflessly, but against his interests altogether? Even considering such a theory went against everything the Major deemed as universal truths up till then; and yet it fitted the facts so well that it was impossible to be dismissed out of hand. But he couldn't accept it unquestioningly either; there were too many things he wanted to weigh in his mind first. Nothing else for it then but to think this over and draw his own conclusions in his own time. Only then would he know for sure where he stood in this matter and what he should do about it next.

Even though he hadn't said anything in response to Dorian's speech, the Earl did not pressure him any further; he had probably realized as well all this was quite a lot to take in. "Let's leave it at that for now," he said in a gentle, almost soothing voice. "These last few days have been quite eventful for both of us. I don't know about you, Major, but I think what we need right now is to take a break from worrying about all this, if only for a short while. I've often found that everything looks different after a good night's rest, don't you agree?"

"A good night's rest…easy for you to say," Klaus said dourly. "I didn't get much of that last night, thanks to a certain someone, and I seriously doubt things will improve tonight."

The Earl laughed again after a long while and for some reason Klaus was relieved to hear his laughter; it made him think the world hadn't turned completely upside down after all. "Oh Major, I had no idea I caused you such suffering," Eroica said, still chuckling. "But you'll be pleased to hear you can sleep in peace tonight; I have no intention of compromising your chastity a second time."

"And to what do I owe this sudden bout of decency on your part?" the Major asked suspiciously; even after everything he had heard today he found it hard to believe the fop would decide to behave himself without any reason at all. "Normally you'd never miss an opportunity to make a move on me, so what's stopping you now?"

Eroica snickered again. "Well…of course I thoroughly relished my little surprise attack on you, Major, but the reason I did it was not for pleasure alone – I was trying to prove a point," he said with a meaningful smile. "Since I've already achieved my objective, there's no need to put myself in danger's way any more than I already have. We do not know what tomorrow may bring," he added with a touch of his customary flamboyance, "but at least for tonight let us enjoy a quiet evening and a good sleep without worries."

And with that temporary truce declaration they left the shooting range and headed back to the main building; it was getting late, they had barely enough time to put their weapons back in their proper places unnoticed before they went to join the Colonel for dinner. However, for all the assurances Dorian had given him, Klaus was very much afraid he wouldn't sleep well tonight either; although this time around for entirely different reasons.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – Turning Point of No Return**

It was early morning and Klaus was once again behind his familiar desk in NATO Headquarters. Alone again; even though his mood wasn't nearly as deadly after the implementation of his plan, his agents had yet to get wind of that change and were still absent for the most part. But for once he didn't mind their truancy; there wasn't any work to speak of to be done anyway and he appreciated the absence of distractions today; it gave him time to think. He had carefully avoided confronting his problems until now, but he knew he could no longer afford to run away from them. It was high time he faced them head on just like everything else; in the end, that was his way of doing things.

At least the previous night he had slept well; true to his word, Eroica had refrained from making any infuriating insinuations and even more infuriating advances. When the two of them retired for the night he had just gone to bed and fallen asleep while the Major was still in the bathroom, and all through the night he didn't so much as stir in his sleep. But even more surprising was the fact that Klaus, too, had slept next to him without even a trace of those worries that had kept him awake the night before; it was as though he subconsciously knew he could trust the thief to keep his promise. Absurd, really; until now he had never trusted him about anything…or had he?

It was undeniably true that so far the thief had not been what most people would call honest with him. He had tricked him out of his belongings a good number of times, although Klaus had to admit that barring his attempts on that godforsaken painting everything else he had stolen from him didn't really have monetary value. Not that he was inclined to forgive those brazen thefts for that reason; money wasn't the issue here, it was the fact that someone actually dared to steal from Iron Klaus and lived to tell the tale which infuriated him no end. How could he possibly trust someone who made a sport out of stealing other people's possessions and who actually believed he was entitled to just take anything his whimsical self took a fancy to! Eroica didn't need to steal…he might have a long time ago, but for many years now his financial resources were enough for him to live in luxury until the end of his days, and that without selling even one of his precious artworks. He only did it because he was a thief by nature; he was someone who got a kick out of appropriating things that were not rightfully his own.

_But don't you, too, get a kick out of getting your hands on information which is not rightfully yours?_ that annoying little voice in his head whispered again. What he had told Eroica the day before was quite true; he worked as a secret agent for his own satisfaction, not out of duty. It would've been the easiest thing in the world to get transferred to another department if he had expressed such a desire; there was not one of his superiors who wouldn't be glad to see the last of him. Although, for some reason that idiotic Chief seemed to have actually missed him during his brief transfer to the Tank Corps…but then there was no accounting how that sugar-overloaded brain of his worked. Anyhow, it was exactly during that time when he had realized as well that no other post would suit him. This transfer was, by all accounts, everything he should wish for: he had been promoted after so many years, he was following in his father's footsteps just like the Colonel wanted and on top of that he got to spend every waking hour around his beloved tanks…what more could he want? And yet all the time he had spent there he felt like something was missing. He had never admitted it to anyone and if he hadn't been transferred back he would've stayed there and performed his duties as diligently as ever; but inwardly he acknowledged that when he had been recalled he hadn't felt even a single pang of regret, despite his demotion. Instead…he had missed the game, the thrill of chasing down the enemy and getting the prize first. And this could only mean one thing: that much as he didn't want to admit it, he wasn't the least bit the upright soldier his father had intended to raise. He was someone who schemed and fought dirty, and he liked it. Fortunately for him, he had his sense of honour and duty and his loyalty to his country – both firmly implanted in his head by his father – to hold him back. If not for them, he might well have become a criminal like Eroica – or rather, a much more dangerous one than the thief had ever been.

It wasn't a pleasant thought for him, and like all unpleasant thoughts he usually shoved it in the back of his mind and tried not to dwell on it. But despite his efforts there had been times when he had not been able to avoid thinking about it, and the conclusion he had reached was disagreeable but unavoidable nonetheless: as unlikely as it sounded, he and Eroica were, in fact, kindred spirits. The mere thought of that gave him the chills, and yet it was perfectly fitting with the facts – horrifyingly so.

Fact one: the very traits he always condemned in the thief existed within him as well, the only difference being that he put them to use under the sanction of the law. Eroica enjoyed stealing pieces of art, he enjoyed stealing pieces of information; take out the trappings and the naked truth was as simple as that. And both of them were just as unscrupulous when it came to attaining their respective targets; he'd had plenty of opportunities to verify that on the numerous occasions when their targets coincided. Take, for instance, that time in Rome when Eroica had suggested framing that pesky Italian policeman with the Pope's kidnapping. Klaus had agreed to it without a second thought; he had agreed to frame an officer of the law – an exceedingly annoying one, but still an officer of the law – with a capital offence without feeling the slightest remorse. On the contrary, he had been kind of peeved that he hadn't thought of this solution first; he had been bothered not by the immorality of the thief's idea, but by the fact that he had outwitted him. This alone was proof enough that when it came to fulfilling his missions his morals went out the window – assuming he had any in the first place – and this was just one example off the top of his head, there were plenty more. Even though he still believed Eroica was a pervert and would never tire of telling him so, Klaus admitted that he wasn't in any way morally superior to the thief; uptight and conservative he might be, but not virtuous.

Fact two: for all of his life his motto had been 'trust no one' – not only in his work, which was understandable, but in his personal life as well. He had never opened up to anyone, not even his closest relative, his father. Granted, his father had never been one to encourage confiding, but even so as far as family members went they knew abnormally little about each other. Of course there were a lot of people who were estranged with their families and preferred to share their secrets with their friends or even their colleagues – but he didn't have that either. He had never made a single friend in his life and that was by choice – although admittedly there hadn't been any abundance of candidates aspiring for his friendship in the first place. And all his agents without exception would rather go bungee-jumping into a volcano crater than try to get closer on a personal level to their terrifying commanding officer. Even Z, to whom the Major was a little less fiendish than to the others – mainly because the boy knew his place, didn't slack off and was slightly less of a nitwit than the rest of those hopeless idiots – was clearly frightened to death by the prospect of spending time outside of work with his superior. The Major had noticed early on that on those few occasions he had invited Z out (mostly because two men were less likely to get hit on by flirtatious women than one) the poor lad was scared stiff and wouldn't even open his mouth except to eat or answer a question. Not that he minded in particular – he found people who talked too much most irritating (yet another reason Eroica got on his nerves so much). But the bottom line of all this was that there was not a single person who knew him at all and would voluntarily try to befriend him; and those who didn't know him and would, blissfully ignorant, make such an attempt were quickly scared away as soon as they got a glimpse of his personality. The only one who hadn't been repulsed but fascinated by his guarded, armoured and bulletproofed personality was Eroica.

Now, why would Eroica be attracted so much to a person who was, by all accounts, the exact opposite of him? There was the physical attraction, of course, but at first Dorian, despite being obviously charmed by his looks, had been much more appalled by his indifference towards art and had shown an intense dislike towards him. And that's what he should have kept on doing normally; it wasn't like Klaus had changed any afterwards. He was still just as unrefined, pragmatic, ill-mannered and uninterested in art as when they first met. Plus he had absolutely zero things in common with the Earl; when it came to being an agreeable companion for him the Major was probably the worst possible option. Someone like Eroica ought to be poking fun at him for being a stick-in-the-mud or for not being able to tell apart one of these foppish paintings from the other, not fawning over him as though he was mankind's pinnacle of perfection. The Major was a man who was destined to be feared, regarded with awe from afar but never approached, so what was that airhead thief doing sticking his head in the lion's mouth?

At first Klaus had thought this was just another interesting game for Eroica; something along the lines of 'make the uptight German fall head over heels for him and then rub it in his face' sort of thing. Of course after so many years this explanation was hardly plausible anymore; if this was just a game to him, someone as frivolous as Eroica would definitely have found a less painful and hopeless way to entertain himself long ago. Therefore Klaus had come to believe that he persevered out of stubbornness – because he didn't want to admit there was someone out there who wouldn't fall for him. But after the conversation they had yesterday he had been wondering about what Eroica had pointed out – that if he wanted Klaus just for the sake of conquest there were more underhanded methods he could have used towards that end. It was true that all this time they knew each other Eroica had never pretended to be something he wasn't in order to win Klaus over; regarding that he had been more upright than all those women who had pursued the Major at times, acting all coy and pure when in reality they were just trying to ensnare an eligible husband. But if he was indeed serious about him, what was it that he saw in him?

He cast his mind back to when they first met, when Eroica had set his mind on stealing that stupid painting from him. Yes, then he definitely disliked Klaus, he could see it in his eyes. He respected him as an opponent but he didn't like him. When did that change? It must have been…when they were stuck inside his tank, huddled together to keep that wuss Caesar Gabriel from catching a cold. Right after he had sung the _Panzerlied_…yes, that's when Eroica dropped the haughty attitude and started acting all clingy and cuddly with him. But why? Surely he didn't find it romantic…that song had to be the least romantic song in history! Unless…it was because of what he said afterwards about the colour of steel being beautiful…To this day Klaus still wasn't sure what made him blurt out something so mushy; he would never have said such a thing to anyone else but somehow at the time he had the feeling that this person would understand. This person who was so different from him, who could actually face him head on with a smile and meet his gaze without so much as flinching – he of all people would understand. And maybe he had indeed understood – maybe he knew all along what Klaus was only realizing just now: that they were a hell of a lot more alike than they seemed on the surface. Maybe Eroica wasn't attracted to his opposite but to someone who was very similar to him if you overlooked the superficial differences and looked down at the fundamentals.

And if that was the case, this meant the Earl all along had a very legitimate cause for pursuing him. Until now Klaus had such a hard time believing in Dorian's sincerity because he could not explain such an improbable love interest. It made no sense that a man like Lord Gloria who lived and breathed for romance, excitement and burning passions would want someone like him, so prosaic, straight-laced and – to put it bluntly – downright _boring_; therefore he had to be faking it. But if he did have a reason – if he had a real, honest-to-goodness reason to want him, then Klaus could no longer dismiss his attentions as an act. And more importantly, he could no longer dismiss his own attraction to him.

Which brought him to fact three: much as he didn't want to admit it, he wasn't nearly as immune to Dorian as he had made everyone believe. Sure, he had never let anyone realize it; Eroica at times might catch a glimpse of the chinks in his armour but these moments of weakness were so fleeting that later on he wasn't even sure whether his wishful thinking had made him imagine them. No, neither Eroica nor anyone else knew; for a very long time he would not admit it even to himself. But it was a fact that the thief made him react differently than everyone else; for one thing he _didn't_ _have _moments of weakness with anyone else, he'd never had any before he met with him. Klaus never put up with anyone; whoever aggravated him was without fail verbally abused, punched, shot or sent to Alaska and he had _never_ felt the slightest remorse for it. He had never wondered whether he might have gone too far or hurt the feelings of the person in question. Now, Eroica had had more than his fair share of verbal and physical abuse from him, but the difference was that there were times when Klaus actually felt a tiny bit bad about it. Granted, for most people this hardly qualified as an indication of attraction, but for someone like the Major it was saying a lot. Even the slightest weakness was a huge deal for someone who didn't have weaknesses.

But this was more than just a weakness, for there were also those times when the Earl became more aggressive – or suicidal, depending on how you looked at it – and actually tried to lay a hand on him. And Klaus of course would always reciprocate with torrents of profanities and excessively violent acts. Far too excessively violent acts; because let's face it, nothing the Earl had ever done could be considered beyond the level of teasing. He had never tried for real to force himself on the Major; well, obviously he didn't have the necessary strength for that, but he could have attempted to drug him or knock him out with a sneak attack, and he had never done that. Contrary to him, Eroica wasn't really a violent person and he certainly never resorted to brute force to get someone in his bed; he was always a seducer, never a rapist. Therefore the Major didn't actually have anything to fear from him; his chastity wasn't in any danger that justified such overreacting. It was more like he was constantly trying to prove to himself (and everyone else around him) that he did not welcome those advances, that he wasn't ever tempted to give in to them. But if he really wasn't tempted at all…then he wouldn't feel the need to prove anything either. His monumental outbursts of fury at Eroica's flirtations were not a result of revulsion, but one of denial. Only, the entire fortress of denial he had been building up all these years had come crumbling down two nights ago in a matter of a few minutes.

All the other incidents before he had been able to disregard, overlook or pretend they didn't happen; but this particular incident was impossible to dismiss. A man – and a degenerate man he despised at that – had sucked him off and it was his most intense sexual experience ever; none of his few encounters with women had felt even remotely like this. Why was it so different with him? Truthfully, Klaus had no idea. He had never felt attracted to a man before – or to a woman, for that matter – so he didn't have a clue what was it about the Earl that made this hitherto cumbersome experience so enjoyable. Well, obviously he was _very_ skilled at it, not to mention what most people would call 'drop dead handsome'; but Klaus had met with beautiful men and women – and probably with men and women who were good at sex too, although he couldn't really verify that – before and none of them ever had such an effect on him. Could it be because Dorian's feelings for him were not the superficial attraction everyone else who had gone after him felt but something deeper, more significant – was it possible that on some level his body could distinguish between the two? A few short days ago he would definitely have dismissed such a far-fetched notion almost instantly, but now he could not help wondering about it. But he could not prove it either; all he knew was that sex, which he until now considered a meaningless means of bodily relief – totally unnecessary for a properly disciplined person – became something much more sensational with this particular man.

However, if this was just a matter of sexual attraction, he would definitely have quelled it promptly and never allowed it to resurface again. Klaus was a firm believer of 'mind over matter'; he considered it an utmost disgrace to allow his mind to be distracted by his carnal needs, no matter how intense or urgent they were. If Eroica only attracted him physically he would definitely have fought against it with all his strength; and prevailed too, there was no doubt about that. What got to him more than anything was the question bugging him right from the start of this introspection: was there a possibility that he could trust Eroica…that he had in fact started to trust him?

He had always been certain that he had never put any trust in the thief or relied on him in any way. And it had indeed been so at the beginning; back then it seemed to him that the only thing the damned fop could be counted on to do was stir up trouble. But then there had been times when he had been forced to work together with the thief to get what he was after or to escape a sticky situation; and no matter how unfavourable the circumstances, Eroica always came through. And at some point the Major had started to _expect _him to come through; he would still worry about the thief having a hidden agenda – he _always _had a hidden agenda, damn him – but he had come to feel more at ease about the outcome of his missions when Eroica was around; which was kind of contradictory since the thief always caused him heaps of trouble. But then practically everyone around him caused him trouble; his idiotic subordinates, that moron of a Chief and the other bureaucrats; to say nothing of the imbeciles from the so-called allied agencies like that brainless Steamroller Dick of the CIA and that delusional fool Lawrence of the SIS. At least Eroica had brains and skill enough to work alongside him when the situation called for it, not to mention a great deal of guts; he might be a queer but in the face of danger he was more of a man than his entire team put together. If only he wasn't so egotistical and driven by his whims he could've become one of the best secret agents in history (provided he'd learn to use more modern weapons than crossbows, that is.) But even if he wasn't secret agent material due to his flippant nature, over the years Eroica had shown remarkable consistency in his allegiance to him; he was practically unpredictable regarding anything else, but Klaus knew that whenever things were serious the thief would always have his back, even if it meant risking his life. No one else would go so far for his sake, he was only too aware of it; no one had braved so many risky situations without a second thought in order to help him, in fact Eroica was the only person who could boast of actually having saved the Major's life. Of course Klaus had saved his foppish butt a good many times as well so they were pretty much even in that regard, he reckoned; but the fact remained that somehow or other the Earl had become something nobody else had been able to become thus far: he had become someone the Major counted on. He still drove Klaus up the wall with his antics, but if there was anyone who could tolerate and even support the Major in his perilous lifestyle, it had to be him.

But even if he acknowledged all this, what was he supposed to do about it? Talk to Dorian? No, that was definitely out of the question. The mere thought of having a talk about feelings and the like with the fop made the Major almost break into hives; he didn't think he could ever bring himself to talk openly about such mushy things. Should he just wait until the Earl launched another sexual attack and then give in? That ought to drive the message home, but what if Dorian didn't make another attempt anytime soon? Knowing him, it was entirely possible he would choose to behave himself now of all times in order to make the Major take him seriously, especially after the discussion they had yesterday. And if he didn't do anything now while they were secluded in the Schloss he just might miss his chance for good, because even if Klaus was actually considering yielding to him, he was by no means disposed to yield in the presence of witnesses. If the Earl decided to resume his flirting in front of the usual venue of his crew, the alphabets and whichever enemy agent happened to be present at the time, the Major would just slug him like always and then they'd be right back to square one. Klaus sighed heavily and practically banged his head on the wooden desk; when the mighty fall, they fall hard indeed. Here was Iron Klaus, terror of NATO Intelligence and bane of secret agents and terrorists worldwide, worrying endlessly whether a British _Schwuchtel_ would decide to hit on him or not – and actually hoping he would do so!

Thinking over and over about all this for several hours made his frustration build up all over again. He lifted his head and took a look at the clock on the wall; it was shortly past noon. Technically he wasn't supposed to leave for home for at least three more hours, but on impulse he decided to take the rest of the day off. He didn't have any work to do anyway, and just sitting there and thinking grated on his nerves all the more. He didn't know what he was going to do once he was back at the Schloss, but at least he'd have more options than sitting at his desk staring at the walls. Decisively he shut down his computer, put his trench coat on and got out. The few alphabets sitting in the outer office looked up in astonishment when they saw their workaholic commanding officer leaving early, but of course none of them dared to stop or question him.

KDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKDKD

While the Major was having this tormenting self-reflecting session, back at the Schloss Dorian was trying to find ways to pass the time on his own. In keeping with his role of the dutiful wife he had risen early today as well, had breakfast with the Major and his father and even walked Klaus out to his car and waved him goodbye under the Colonel's approving look. But right after he was gone the Colonel had been called by Herr Hinkel to look into some matters of the estate, and, not wanting to appear indiscreet, Dorian had excused himself and left them alone. Now, what to do to pass the time until the Major returned…of course his first choice would be to go back to bed and snooze for a few more hours at least, but he didn't think the Colonel would appreciate that; he seemed to be every bit as hardworking as his son and probably just as disapproving of slackers. In the end he decided to set off to explore the Schloss again on his own; during his tour two days ago he had spotted a good many interesting items besides _The Man in Purple _he wanted to inspect more closely. Of course he wasn't going to steal anything – no need to aggravate the Major at this point – but he could always note them down for future reference. Besides, if things went as he hoped he'd get to visit this place a lot more in the future, so he might as well know his way around it.

So he started going from room to room at his leisure, checking them out for anything that might be of interest. Some of the rooms were locked, but of course that was no problem for _him_. He took care to avoid being spotted by the servants though, as he didn't want them telling the Major about his explorations; the last thing he wanted was Klaus thinking he was scouting out the place for a future heist. He started with a lengthy visit to the gallery, of course; even without counting _The Man in Purple_ there were quite a few noteworthy paintings in the von dem Eberbach collection. Too bad their current owner would never bestow them the appreciation they deserved, he thought with a small sigh; but at least he had the sense to preserve them in optimal condition. Thank God his father had taken care to beat the respect for the nation's cultural heritage into the Major among the rest of his teachings.

Then he visited the armoury again and was once more amazed by the sheer number of guns assembled in there; some of them were priceless antiques too, family heirlooms no doubt. It seemed the Major favoured the more modern ones though, seeing as they were the most easily accessible. Dorian couldn't help snickering a little as he remembered how he had tricked the Major yesterday; his darling was so adorable when he got mad at him…too bad he was also rather dangerous to be around at those times.

Next stop was the library, which housed a rather impressive book collection as well; Dorian's trained eyes picked out a good number of volumes any respectable book collector would be drooling over. Evidently some of the Major's ancestors did not confine themselves to collecting paintings alone. Dorian however was more interested in some of the lowest shelves situated near a leather armchair, which apparently contained the Major's reading preferences. No surprises there; they were mostly books on ancient and contemporary history, books on strategy and warfare – Dorian was impressed to discover what appeared to be an authentic first edition of Clausewitz' _Vom Kriege_ among them – as well as a remarkable number of weapon maintenance manuals. There was no literature – not even German classics – and no novels of any kind. He was a lot more surprised, however, when he noticed _The Children's Book of Art_, the gift he had brought the Major when he was hospitalized, tucked away in a corner. As far as he could see it was the only book there which wasn't about wars or guns, and he wondered what had made the Major keep it. Well, the most likely possibility was that he didn't want to discard an information source which might come in handy in the future; much as Dorian would like to believe it was a sentimental keepsake, knowing the Major this was highly unlikely. Oh well, at least he'd be reminded of him every time he saw it, Dorian thought with a dreamy smile; then again, he would also be reminded of the time when Dorian had attempted to steal him out of the hospital, groped him and eventually caused him to re-injure his leg, so this might not be such a good thing after all.

After visiting a few more rooms which were evidently unused for a long time – a salon, a ballroom and such – he found himself in what appeared to be a music-room. There was a grand piano situated near the bay window, and several shelves of musical scores were lined along the walls. The piano didn't seem to have been touched for a long time, but when Dorian sat on the stool and tried a few keys out of curiosity he discovered, much to his surprise, that it was tuned recently; evidently the Major didn't allow anything in the Schloss to be neglected, regardless whether it was used or not. Then Dorian thought he might as well play a little to pass the time; he played the piano since he was little and had always enjoyed it, even though these days he was so busy he seldom had the time to indulge in this activity. He went over to the shelves of musical scores and browsed through them for a bit, when his eye was caught by a score titled _Kaiser-Walzer, Johann Strauss II._

"Kaiser-Walzer, The Emperor's Waltz…now _this_ brings back memories," Dorian whispered to himself as he pulled the score out. He sat down at the piano and started playing, allowing his mind to drift back to those unforgettable times in Vienna. What an adventure that was…and also what a distressing time for him. He had never confided this to anyone, least of all the Major himself, but it was after that time when he had come closer than ever to giving up on Klaus for good. He wasn't in the best psychological condition to begin with because of his crippling fear of darkness and statues, which by the way the Major had cruelly taken advantage of. On top of that he'd been endlessly tormented by his jealousy when Klaus had been involved with that hateful female spy, and the Major had promptly taken advantage of _that_ too. Then he had been chased around, beaten up and suffered numerous hardships to help the Major achieve his mission; granted, he had his own motives too but nevertheless if not for him Klaus would never have succeeded. And what had he asked as a reward for all his efforts? A dance – nothing more than a dance. He hadn't asked for the Major's love, or for a kiss, or anything remotely embarrassing; just a dance. He even looked like a woman at the time, so no one needed ever know the Major would be dancing with a man. And for a moment there it looked like Klaus was going to grant his request – but then he had done the unthinkable.

He had run away.

It was the one thing Dorian had never expected him to do. If he had thrown a fit or even knocked him out cold right in front of everyone it would've been less shocking for him; but Iron Klaus running away? This could only mean that he hated the idea of being close to Dorian even more than the idea of public exposure – and having reached that conclusion Dorian had done the unthinkable as well. For the first time since he met him, he had tried to stay away from the Major.

He had the Major's compromising photo he had used to blackmail him with delivered anonymously to his office in Vienna that very same day, and then he had left and for three whole years he hadn't tried to contact him at all; he even took pains to avoid any 'business' of his which might bring him anywhere near Bonn or even Germany. He had also tried to find new love interests, hoping he would eventually come across someone who would manage to replace the Major in his heart, but he had failed miserably; none of the men he had met was nearly as fascinating as the Major was. True, they were far more charming and eager to please him, but that could no longer satisfy him; and so the relationships ended soon after they began. And try as he might he had never been able to get the Major out of his head either; every little thing reminded Dorian of him and their adventures together. In the end he had decided that if he was condemned to spend the rest of his life alone, he might as well spend it chasing the unattainable and he had gone after the Major again. And more years had passed with both of them locked in this endless hunt; at times it seemed like his presence might mean something to Klaus, but just as many times he had the impression they'd both grow old and die without anything ever changing between them. But even that notion could not make him give up, because he knew, he just _knew _he would never find someone so perfect for him ever again. Would the Major ever see it too – would he ever realize no one but Dorian suited him so perfectly? Dorian didn't know…he only knew he had to keep trying.

"Now there is a sound I haven't heard in a long time," he suddenly heard behind him. A bit startled he turned around and saw the Colonel standing near the piano, with a nostalgic expression on his face. The old man came nearer and said with a cordial gesture, "Please, by all means carry on."

Dorian turned back to the piano obediently and resumed playing while Klaus' father stood nearby silently, listening attentively. When the piece was finished about a quarter of an hour later, the Colonel nodded approvingly and said, "My compliments, _meine Frau, _your playing is excellent indeed."

"You are too kind, sir," Dorian said modestly, looking up at the elderly soldier. "I wandered to this room by accident and thought I'd play a little to pass the time…I hope I did not intrude anywhere I was not supposed to."

"Not at all, not at all," the Colonel said gallantly. "This room was mostly used by my wife…I never learned to play music, although I do enjoy a good classical concert every now and then. Sadly, after her death it was never used again so if anything I am pleased to hear music being played here once more."

Dorian looked at the old man compassionately; after having heard about the Colonel and his wife yesterday he understood the man must have led a very lonely and dismal life after her death. "Then…I would be happy to play again for you whenever you feel like it," he said warmly. "And please, call me Dorianne from now on…after all we are family now, aren't we?"

The Colonel smiled faintly. "It is very kind of you to indulge an old man," he said quietly, taking a seat. He cast a look around and said as if talking to himself, "It hasn't changed at all, this room…it seems as though it was yesterday when I sat right here listening to Hannelore playing, and yet it has been decades since I last set foot in here."

"You…never came here again after your wife's death?" Dorian asked hesitantly and the Colonel made a noncommittal gesture. "The memories were too painful for me so I tried to avoid them…although I was never wholly successful," he admitted. "Since you have lost your father too you must know how it is."

"It is indeed painful," Dorian said in a low voice, "but I did the opposite of you. I wished to preserve the happy memories I had of him as much as possible, so I purposely aimed to go back to the places we spent most of our time together as much as I could." He wasn't lying; shortly after his father's death Dorian had embarked on a series of highly profitable heists; it was the only period in his life when his goal was money rather than artworks. His purpose of course was to buy back his ancestral home, Castle Gloria, which had been sold to pay off his mother's settlement after the divorce. This place meant more to him than even art, because it was where he had his fondest childhood memories – especially those of his father. Thanks to his thieving skills and James' brilliant accounting he had been able to buy the castle back in a surprisingly short amount of time; his only regret was that he hadn't been able to do so before his father's death, as his skills at the time weren't honed enough for such large-scale operations. Still, it was gratifying to finally have back the home where he had spent so many enjoyable years with his father and his father's male friends; despite his mother's severity and his sisters' resentment it had been one of the happiest periods of his life and he always cherished it. His father was the one who had taught him to disregard appearances and do what his heart desired and he had never forgotten it; and he firmly believed his father would prefer it if he was happy remembering their times together rather than grieving for his untimely death.

"I suppose everyone deals with their losses differently," the Colonel said thoughtfully. "I aimed to push away my sorrow and focus on my duty to raise my son; but eventually he grew up and I was left again with no purpose and a whole lot of memories. I didn't want to admit my weakness but it was trying for me to live here after Klaus Heinz left for school, so as soon as he came of age I moved to a family holding in Switzerland. Fortunately a few of my old army friends happen to live nearby as well and we can at least get together from time to time and reminisce about our youth; after all, there's not much else you can do at our age."

"But this sounds rather lonely, sir," Dorian said sympathetically. "Have you never thought of…well, having someone in your life again? I understand you loved your late wife very dearly, but I'm sure she would have wanted you to have a companion rather than spend the rest of your days in solitude. And if you don't mind my saying so, despite your age you seem remarkably healthy and active to me; I'm sure there are plenty of ladies who would be delighted to be escorted by you."

The Colonel smiled faintly for a second and shook his head. "I'm sure you say this with the best of intentions, but I don't believe this is possible for me. You are too kind to tell me so, but I'm sure you've noticed I am a rather difficult person, much like my son. Besides, the solitude is not as unbearable as you seem to think; over the years I suppose I just got used to it. And to be quite honest I prefer it to being with someone less deserving than my wife. So many years have passed since I lost her, and yet I never found anyone worthy of replacing her."

Dorian was genuinely touched to hear those words; this was indeed a love like the one he dreamed of having one day, a love so strong that could defeat time and even death. For a few seconds he looked down, unsure what to say; for once even his eloquence had failed him.

"So you see, you don't have to fret over me that much," said the Colonel. "If there was anything I wished for it was for my son to not wind up all alone in his old age like me. No, worse than me because I at least have Hannelore's remembrance to keep me company, while he would not have even that. But now that he has you I no longer need to worry about that and I can return to my retirement in peace."

Dorian lifted his head and looked straight into the older man's eyes – yes, they were a lot like Klaus' eyes indeed. "No, you need not worry about that," he said with unwavering conviction. "As long as I am alive, I will never leave Klaus alone; that you can be sure of." And he definitely meant it.

"Usually I do not trust others so easily, but something tells me I should believe you," Klaus' father said seriously. "If nothing else, you seem to be just as headstrong as my son…maybe that's why you two can handle each other." He fell silent again for several moments, then he seemed to remember something because he abruptly looked up at the clock on the wall (synchronized to the second with all other clocks in the house _and _the Major's watch, of course). "_Du liebe Zeit, _I almost forgot. I won't be able to have lunch with you today, my dear girl; I'm afraid I have a prior engagement. An old friend from Kiel called me last week; he will be in Frankfurt on business today and we agreed to meet for lunch. I haven't seen him in ages and since we live so far apart I doubt we'll get another chance to meet anytime soon. I regret leaving you here all alone, but…"

"Oh, think nothing of it, sir," Dorian said airily. "Klaus will be home in a few hours anyway; I'm sure I'll find something to do until then. You just go and have a good time." With his customary civility he walked the Colonel to his car and saw him off; then he went back inside the Schloss, wondering what he could do until the Major's return.

He wasn't hungry yet, so he notified a servant that he didn't want his lunch served for now; on the other hand he didn't feel like wandering around anymore either. In the end he decided that since neither the Major nor his father was around, a little relaxation was in order so he retreated to the Major's bedroom. It was too late now to go back to sleep, but…he could take the opportunity to enjoy a nice long bath. The day before he'd barely had the time to hop in and out of the shower, what with the Major breathing down his neck. But now he had at least three hours at his disposal before the Major returned, therefore he could afford to indulge himself a little. Humming a little tune he went over to his suitcases and dug out a bottle of sandalwood-scented bubble bath – specially ordered from an exclusive perfumer in London, of course – as well as matching bath salts, then took his clothes off and waltzed into the bathroom. While the tub was filling with hot water he pulled his long hair up and pinned it in place with a hair pin and as soon as the tub was full he sank in it blissfully.

Since he had no idea when he would be able to enjoy this luxury again he took his time bathing and daydreaming inside the tub. It was quite nice really – even at home he could rarely relax properly in the bath since half the time James would barge in, either protesting about his wasting water or trying to cuddle with him. Admittedly the Major's servants were far more discreet (or more like far too scared to venture near his bedroom) so it truly felt like he was all alone in the huge castle. _Just like a princess awaiting her champion, _he thought, carried away by his wild imagination once again. After a long while of soaking and daydreaming he finally became aware that the water was starting to get cold; even in the summer it never got very warm inside the Schloss and as the water's temperature decreased he started feeling kind of chilly. He stood up, unplugged the tub and rinsed the foam off of him, then stepped out of it. Just before putting his bathrobe on it occurred to him that he'd better rinse the bathtub clean and tidy up a little first; normally this was a job for the servants but apparently they came to clean up in the morning and had already been to clean the room. Of course he could always call them again but he'd rather not have them around while he wasn't fully dressed if it could be avoided; he didn't want to risk blowing his cover by some ill-timed coincidence. On the other hand, the Major would probably go ballistic if he found his pristine bathtub contaminated by something so foppish as sandalwood-scented bubble bath and Dorian decided that deigning to do a little manual labour was preferable to having to endure yet another row with the Major. Without bothering to put any clothes on he turned on the shower head again and started rinsing the bathtub and the inside of the bathtub curtain.

It was right at this time when Klaus stepped into the bedroom, having returned early from work. When he arrived at the Schloss the servant who welcomed him at the front door informed him of his father's lunch appointment, but when he had inquired after his 'wife' the servant had been unable to enlighten him; he hadn't seen the lady at all since breakfast. A little worried about what that thief might be up to this time, Klaus went quickly up to his room to change and start looking for him. Normally Dorian would have heard him as soon as he stepped in, but now the sound of the water rattling against the curtain muffled the noise of his footsteps; and Klaus in turn did not immediately register the sound of the shower, preoccupied as he was by his thoughts. He sat on the edge of the bed, chucked his jacket, tie and gun holster and took off his shoes and socks; and just then he became aware of the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. Curious, he got up and walked barefoot up to the bathroom door; it was closed but slightly ajar. On impulse, he pushed it and it noiselessly swung open.

What he saw was Dorian standing with his back turned towards him, still in the middle of cleaning the bathtub. He had nothing on, and his hair was pulled high up on top of his head, leaving his neck exposed. It was a sight which would at any other time send the Major right into a fit of hellish fury; but not this time. Instead his breath hitched and he stood there petrified, unable to tear his eyes away.

There are in a person's life certain rare moments of clarity when everything that was previously obscured by doubts, inhibitions and misgivings suddenly becomes crystal clear, making one wonder how come they could not see them before. This was one such moment for Klaus when he saw Dorian standing before him completely naked, unadorned and more beautiful than any of his beloved statues. But what struck Klaus the most was not his appearance but the fact that in front of him right now he saw…Dorian. Not Lord Gloria the queer, not Eroica the thief, just…Dorian. A man, yes; but more than that a creature of unparalleled beauty, radiating warmth and light. A man who had been both his ally and his adversary, but had never once hated or feared him. Someone who knew him inside and out after all those adventures they had shared and who wanted him, all of him. Not just the attractive body, the eligible husband or the highly intelligent spy but the whole mission-obsessed, foul-mouthed, irascible package. Ultimately that was why Dorian had been able to break through the armour no one else had been able to penetrate: because he accepted him. He embraced and welcomed all sides of him, good and bad alike; and someone capable of doing that would not betray him. Klaus didn't know when it happened but at some point, without even realizing it, he had begun to trust Dorian and to accept him back; their opposing sides still clashed but he had come to terms with this as well; their conflicts roused his anger but not his hatred. For even in the most tightly sealed places occasionally a beam of light will find its way within; and Dorian's light had sneaked into the cold, dark vault that was his heart and for the first time ever given him a taste of true, meaningful bonding like the one his parents had shared. Because of this he had changed forever and it was a change he feared; so he tried to ignore it and go on with his life like nothing had happened. But it seemed to him that now he had reached a point where he could no longer do that; so what was he supposed to do now?

As if to answer this question at that moment his father's advice of yesterday came back to him. 'Look inside your heart…and do what you really want'. And once again he obeyed; casting aside all inhibitions and misgivings he asked himself, "What do you want?"

_I want this._

Letting his body move on its own Klaus closed the distance between him and Dorian with two swift steps and wrapped both arms around his bare torso, pressing his body against the Earl's back. Startled, Dorian let go of the shower head and it fell with a clatter in the bathtub, water still spraying from it. Turning wide, incredulous eyes towards him he started asking, "Major, what on earth…?"

"Don't speak. Don't say anything," Klaus said curtly, lifting one hand to turn Dorian's head the other way again. "Just stay like this for a while."

Dorian instantly froze; he had no idea what in the world had gotten into the Major, but whatever it was he didn't want it to end anytime soon. It occurred to him that he might be falling into a trap right now but even if that was the case he didn't care; he would gladly endure whatever he was in for afterwards just for the sake of a few short moments in the Major's embrace. But more than that, something told him that the faintest move, the simplest word could mean life or death for him at this point; he felt like he was on a tightrope where the slightest thing could upset his balance and hurl him to his doom. Somehow he knew that now of all times he should do as he was bid; so he closed his eyes and stayed perfectly still, surrendering his body completely to Klaus' hands.

The Major closed his eyes as well, allowing his senses to take over and decide whether this feeling agreed with him. And yes, it was good, this feel of Dorian's body in his arms; not soft and fragile like a woman's but lean, sinewy and firm, a body he needn't be afraid of breaking. The scent of his skin as it was now, clear and natural, untainted by perfumes. He took a deep breath, taking it in, letting it seep inside him. This was the real Dorian, the one nobody else had ever seen; without masks to hide behind, without acts to confuse him. And now that he saw him just as he was, what more did he want?

_I want this too._

Taking another deep breath he slowly bent his head and pressed his lips on Dorian's exposed neck, just below the hairline. Dorian could not help shuddering violently; this was the touch of Klaus' lips, a touch he had never dared to hope he would feel in this lifetime. It was enough to give him a painful, throbbing arousal; but he still forbore to do anything and just stayed there, his heart hammering in his chest as he waited for whatever was to come next.

Tentatively Klaus planted another kiss next to the first one, then a third and a fourth. This was a completely new experience to him; he had never kissed anyone before. During his past endeavors to learn about sex he had never felt like doing it and since it didn't seem to be essential for the whole sex act he had skipped it over without hesitation. Now, however…it did seem essential. Somewhere deep inside he felt the need for this contact; he felt the need to deepen this connection, make it stronger, more potent. And it seemed fitting to do that not with words but by means of his body; wanting to touch someone else was a thing he had never wished for in the past, but now he wanted it. And while kissing seemed a good start for some reason it wasn't enough; so once again he asked himself what else did he want.

_And I want this._

Slowly, carefully he allowed his hands to move, touch, explore. Inch by inch they moved, learning this new, foreign yet familiar sensation. Until then those few times when they had come into contact it was mostly the Earl touching him – usually for a few fleeting seconds before getting yelled at and/or beaten up. He had never been the one to touch Dorian willingly (other than for the purpose of pummeling him) save for very rare occasions – and only when the Earl was unconscious or in dire need of help and thus unable to take advantage of the situation. And yet he felt strangely at ease doing that now; this act which until then always felt out of place, awkward…now seemed natural and right. It sure helped that Dorian was silent; without his teasing comments and innuendo it didn't feel nearly as uncomfortable. For a fleeting moment Klaus wondered whether he would've done this a lot sooner if only Dorian had the sense to keep his mouth shut at such critical moments; but this was hardly the time for what if's so he pushed the thought away and concentrated on what was happening now.

And so he let his hands travel on this unknown land; first on Dorian's chest, feeling out the taut skin and supple muscles underneath. As his hands passed over the stiff, erect nipples he was a little surprised to feel their hardness, as well as the intense shiver which shook Dorian's entire body; was the mere touch of his hand doing that much to him? For some reason he wanted to see more of this; and so he moved his hands further down, over the abdomen. There, Dorian didn't shiver as much, instead he seemed to melt with pleasure; he tried his hardest to keep still, but his body pushed against Klaus' hands all on its own, thirsting for more contact. And even further down…what would it be like?

When the tips of his fingers brushed against Dorian's pubic hair, the slight trembling gave way to a shudder more violent than ever before; he felt Dorian's body literally convulsing in his grasp. The thief really was at his limit now; his mind threatened to overload both with fear and anticipation. If Klaus wasn't holding him he'd probably have fallen in a heap where he stood. He still didn't say anything but his breath had become huffy and labored and his skin was getting hotter by the second. After all these years of dreaming about it, yearning for it…to have Klaus touching him so intimately of his own free will…to have Klaus' hands, his fingers, caressing his body, especially down there…it was too much…too much. But just when he thought he couldn't take any more, he felt something that made all previous sensations almost nonexistent; he felt Klaus' fingertips brushing against his straining erection, and then quickly and decisively closing around it.

This was the ultimate test, Klaus thought. Touching another man's bare member…normally that ought to feel gross, disgusting. And yet he wasn't at all disgusted; in fact it felt as natural as gripping the handle of his Magnum, it even fitted in his hand just as well. He tightened his grip just a little…and then something happened he did not expect at all. Dorian's body, which had been shuddering uncontrollably for the past few minutes, suddenly arched and tensed; he let out a stifled cry, and Klaus felt the aroused member in his hand throb intensely. A jet of white liquid spurted from it, hitting the opposite wall; and then Dorian slumped against him, limp and spent.

When the waves of ecstasy subsided, Dorian felt his cheeks burning with shame. Ejaculating just by the touch of Klaus' hand…not even in his teens had such a thing ever happened to him. But more than that he was so very scared that he might have ruined everything; what if the Major was revolted by his reaction, what if he pushed him away in disgust? He wanted to see the look on his face but he didn't dare turn around, dreading what he might see.

Klaus on the other hand was feeling surprised more than anything; he had never expected Dorian to have such an extreme reaction to his touch. But, quite unexpectedly, he wasn't disgusted or appalled; instead, the knowledge that Dorian responded to him so much made a strange heat build up in his own body. This was something that could not be faked; words could be lies, gestures could be simulated, but this kind of bodily reaction could not be the result of acting. More than anything else, it proved the genuineness of Dorian's feelings for him and that gave him a rush of excitement he normally only felt when he was about to return to Bonn with a top secret microfilm in hand and a trail of incapacitated enemies behind.

Seeing that Klaus wasn't pushing him away or even letting him go, Dorian finally worked up the courage to turn his head and look into his eyes. And no, he didn't seem disgusted…what he saw in his eyes, more than anything should be called…acceptance. Klaus accepted him now, the same way he had accepted him a long time ago. He wasn't running away anymore, he was holding him and touching him willingly; and Dorian suddenly felt liberated of all his previous fears. He no longer needed strategies and well thought-out plans; he only needed to act according to his feelings. And without thinking he acted; he closed the tiny distance between their faces and pressed his lips against the Major's.

Klaus seemed a bit taken aback, but he let it happen; and for several heartbeats they stayed like this, their lips joined in a soft, innocent kiss. When Dorian finally pulled back, Klaus saw with no little surprise that he was close to tears; his sapphire eyes were welled up and his lips were trembling. He attempted to speak, but no words would come out; after a bit of struggling he finally managed to utter in a shaky voice, "M…Major…"

A shadow passed over Klaus' face; the last thing he wanted right now was to be reminded of his duty and his position. "Don't call me that."

"…Klaus…" Dorian murmured tremulously, "…thank you…thank you so much…but why?"

There was only one answer to that, and for some reason Klaus had no problem giving it. "Because I wanted to."

Dorian didn't question this statement any further; right now there was only one thing he needed to know. "And now…what do you want?"

And Klaus had no problem answering that either. "I want you."

"Take me then." The words had left his mouth before he had a chance to give it even a second of thought. Not that his answer would've been any different if he had thought it over for an eternity; what was there to think about anyway? If Klaus wanted him Klaus would have him, there was nothing more to it. In his mind he already belonged to him since long ago; logic dictated all this was too sudden and he ought to tread carefully, but Eroica never had any use for logic, least of all now. The only thing on his mind at that moment was becoming one with the Major.

Seeing the certainty in his eyes, Klaus shook away his last hesitations and allowed the newly-ignited fire inside him to take over. Decisively he turned Dorian away from the bathtub and towards the bathroom sink. "Bend over."

Hardly the most romantic invitation Dorian had ever heard, but right now he couldn't care less about romance; all he cared about was to feel the Major ravishing him. Klaus pumped some liquid soap from the dispenser in his hand, smearing it over his fingers; then slowly he pushed one finger into Dorian's tight opening. Almost immediately the Earl gasped and his eyes clouded with lust; encouraged by his response Klaus started moving his finger in and out of him at a faster and more intense pace, then gradually inserted a second and a third finger, all the while watching with fascination Dorian's flushed face in the bathroom mirror. Somehow the sight of his obvious arousal fueled his own excitement; the heat in his body kept building up and he could feel sweat running down his back, not to mention his member was for some time now suffocating in the confines of his pants and underwear. Seeking to relieve this heat and constriction, with his free hand he unbuckled his belt, unzipped his pants and let them fall down on the floor before kicking them off; then he quickly pushed his underwear down and kicked them off as well. Unfortunately his shirt and undershirt weren't as easily disposed of with one hand but he didn't want to pull out of Dorian just yet. As he kept fingering him forcefully, with his other hand he started undoing the buttons of his shirt one by one.

When Dorian saw what he was doing in the mirror, his eyes literally burned with lust; this unintentional striptease was almost enough to push him over the edge once again. With bated breath he watched as each button flew open, at the same time feeling the Major's fingers probing deep inside him; nothing and no one had ever got him this excited before. When the last button was undone Klaus pulled his fingers out of Dorian, eliciting a whimper of frustration from him; but it was cut short as Dorian suddenly came face to face with the greatest excitement yet.

Klaus swiftly tossed his shirt on the floor, then pulled his undershirt over his head and tossed it away as well. As he saw him in the mirror, standing behind him completely naked, Dorian held his breath and became harder than he had ever been in his entire life so far. _God Almighty, what a man._ An overwhelming desire to be possessed by this strong, virile warrior shot like fire through his veins; like a highly-strung horse he tossed his head back impatiently, and in so doing the pin holding his hair up broke loose and fell unheeded on the floor. Cascades of golden curls tumbled down his shoulders and back, framing his beautiful, aroused face and blazing eyes magnificently; Klaus who was already positioned and about to enter him paused for a second, entranced by what he saw. He had never been moved by external beauty until then, but this sight stirred feelings inside him he didn't even know he had.

But Dorian wasn't about to tolerate any more delays; he was this close to blacking out from sheer excitement. Pushing his hips against Klaus' manhood nudging his entrance he cried out urgently, "For pity's sake, Klaus, don't torment me anymore; just _put it in_ already!"

The Major had never thought a day would come when he'd be taking orders from Eroica, but this particular order he was more than willing to obey. Slowly but steadily he pushed into the searing-hot passage, until he was fully sheathed in. It felt so…perfect, there was no other word for it. Those other times back when he was younger, they always lacked something; now everything was complete. His body started moving on its own, and it was all he could do to maintain a steady, controlled rhythm. He really would much rather lose control and surrender to his wildest instincts, but that would be…unsafe, to say the least; therefore he mustered what self-restraint he had left in order to keep his movements in check.

Dorian on the other hand was currently riding on cloud nine; oh, he knew it, he just _knew_ it all along that Klaus was the one, the ultimate, unrivalled mate for him. He had been with so many men in his life, but he had never once felt anything even remotely as blissful as this. But even in the midst of his exhilaration, he noticed that something was amiss; wondering what it might be, he looked at Klaus' expression in the mirror again. He was…no, not dissatisfied, more like…restrained…? Yes…that was it; Klaus was restraining himself, he was holding back…Dorian didn't know what for, but he did know this wouldn't do; Klaus would never truly enjoy their joining if he imposed such restrictions on himself, and if his partner wasn't happy neither was he. Leaning back, he half-turned to meet Klaus' eyes and gazing at him affectionately he said,

"Klaus, my love…you don't have to hold yourself back…just…just do it the way you want to…"

A crease appeared in the Major's brow and he paused for a bit. "You don't know what you're asking for." One of the reasons Klaus had never been able to enjoy sex was that he had never let loose completely; he knew very well that if he unleashed his full ferocity no woman would be able to withstand it. Dorian understood his fears; but he was no woman, and he was no ordinary man either. He was Eroica, the only one who could ever stand up to Iron Klaus and the only one who could walk through life alongside him too. And if he was to be the Major's destined partner then he should be able to take him on, all of him. Turning his head back a little more he caressed Klaus' cheek with his hand and kissed him tenderly, then looking deep into his eyes he said with unwavering, passionate conviction,

"Darling…it's okay, really…give me everything you've got, I can take it…" his eyes blazed with desire once again, "…I _want_ it…"

The fire in his eyes burned away the very last of Klaus' inhibitions; silently he turned Dorian the other way again and guided his hands to grip the bathroom sink. Placing firm hands on the thief's hips he leaned a bit forward and whispered in his ear, "Brace yourself." And for the first time in his life, he truly let go.

It took Dorian about ten seconds to realize just how much the Major had been controlling himself up to this point. After that, he lost all ability for coherent thought.

No one had ever taken him with such heat and force before. It was like being caught in an avalanche and a volcanic eruption all at once; a relentless bombardment on his senses, continuous explosions of ecstasy inside him. He knew he was screaming, but could barely hear his own screams; he felt like he was dying and at the same time more alive than ever. He had never known such a sensation could exist as the one Klaus was now giving him.

Soon he came again but Klaus didn't stop, hell, he didn't even slow down! He just kept pounding and pounding into him, harder, deeper, pushing him to the limits of his endurance and beyond, till he no longer knew where he was or what went on around him, only that he was bonded with Klaus, truly, irrevocably, literally welded into one with him. His head was swimming and his vision was blurred; the only thing he was aware of was the hot waves of pleasure surging inside his body, higher and higher until a third orgasm was literally wrenched out of him.

Fortunately for him Klaus was at his limit too; as Dorian tightened around him he was pushed over the edge and released himself inside the Earl's burning body, throwing his head back and letting out an almost animalistic groan, consumed by this intense carnal outburst. For a few blessed moments his mind was a complete blank and his body felt like it was floating; such a feeling of complete and utter contentment he'd never had. Then as he slowly started to become aware of his surroundings again he took a step back and carefully pulled out of Dorian; already on the verge of passing out as he was, the thief's knees gave way and he would have collapsed right there had the Major not caught him before he fell. Putting an arm around Dorian's waist for support, Klaus helped him back to the bedroom with surprising gentleness. When they were next to the bed he bent a little to pull the covers back and then let Dorian lie down, while he sat on the edge of the bed next to him.

For several minutes neither of them spoke; Klaus didn't really know what he was supposed to say after the fact (somehow the line 'how much do I owe you?' didn't seem fitting this time around) and Dorian seemed to be still somewhere in between dream and reality, his eyes glazed and unfocused and a blissful smile on his lips. It was at this moment when the Major realized that all this time Dorian had spoken but a few words, nothing like his usual garrulous self; maybe he had finally discovered the perfect way to shut up the Earl's prattling.

Finally Dorian descended back to earth and his eyes focused on the Major looking down at him. He still didn't say anything though; a bit uneasy by this prolonged silence Klaus ventured to ask him, "…Are you all right?"

The Earl let out a deep sigh, looking up at him lovingly. "Oh Major…that was so very mean of you…"

"What, was I too rough?" Klaus asked, worried; much as he had enjoyed losing control for once he didn't want to cause the other man permanent damage by doing so. Dorian gave him a wane, reassuring smile. "You were too incredible," he said. "After having tasted this, no other man will ever be able to satisfy me…"

"Better not," muttered the Major between his teeth; even though he had never been in a relationship before he already knew he wasn't going to be what people call an 'open-minded' partner. Then he became aware that he was still stark nude and nudged Dorian with his elbow. "I want to get in too, move your butt over."

Although he was still sluggish Dorian scooted over eagerly, allowing Klaus to get under the covers next to him. The Major looked at him with a troubled expression; the thief was probably expecting romantic words and cuddling, but that was not his intention at all. Instead he wanted to set certain things straight right from the start; he had to make him understand there were lines he couldn't cross yet and he wanted to do it now. Just like Dorian didn't want him to have mistaken impressions about his character, he didn't want him to have any expectations about…whatever it was they had now that he wouldn't be able to meet. All this was still completely new to him, he had next to no idea what his boundaries were and whether they would expand over time; and while venturing on unknown territory wasn't a first for him, he wasn't very comfortable with it either. And he wasn't really the type to endure and suffer in silence; therefore he had to make it clear from the beginning about how he wanted things and what didn't sit well with him.

"I can only acknowledge you to myself, you know," he said directly, staring into Dorian's eyes. "Not to the world."

He expected to see anger or at least disappointment on the thief's face after that statement, but he could never have anticipated the broad, bright smile he was met with. "But it's the same thing, Major," Dorian said in the most carefree manner imaginable. "You _are_ my world, my beloved."

_That fellow is a master at smooth-talking,_ Klaus reminded himself, resolutely forbidding himself to be taken in by the Earl's effusive adoration. Determined to stay focused on the topic at hand he added sternly, "And I'll still kick your butt if you interfere with my missions."

"I expect nothing less from you, darling," Dorian said with the same enchanting smile. "But you do realize Eroica will have to keep interfering with your missions."

The Major gave him a dumbfounded look. "Why?" he demanded. "Until now you wouldn't leave me alone because you were out to get me, right? Now that you got me why can't you at least let me do my job in peace?"

Dorian's eyes lit up at the words 'you got me' but he decided to refrain from commenting on that right now. "But, think about it, darling," he remarked. "Your enemies practically expect me to turn up wherever you are, so if I stop doing that from now on they'll suspect something has changed, won't they? And I don't need to tell you that no matter how well we cover our tracks, if they start investigating about us in earnest we _will_ be exposed at some point."

The Major could not deny the logic in that; but on the other hand he was reluctant to give the thief permission to barge into his missions as he pleased. "I suppose you'll have to keep acting…like your usual self," he said with evident displeasure. "But you'd better do as I say in critical situations, and you will _not_ take any unnecessary risks. And also…you understand that I will have to keep acting like my usual self as well."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, my love," the Earl said without losing even the tiniest bit of his enthusiasm. "You are so irresistible when you get angry, I fear I'm going to provoke you even more than before."

"Pervert," muttered the Major, then having closed that topic he moved on. "So, apart from acting like nothing has changed in front of others…what else are we supposed to do?" he asked. "I've never been…involved with anyone before…Father had me go out with women several times, but I don't think I ever lived up to their expectations. You're the one who has experience with these things, so…what is it we have to do now?"

"Well…we don't _have_ to do anything, Major," Dorian said with a kind smile. "This is not duty or obligation; it is something you do for yourself. Plus it's not the same as courting a woman…for one thing, if we're to keep our relationship a secret we can't very well go out in public together. We will be an illicit couple and act as such."

"And you're fine with that?" asked the Major sharply. "You don't mind that no one will ever know you finally got what you wanted so much?"

"Klaus, like I told you yesterday, I never wished to be with you so that I could flaunt you to others," Dorian said seriously. "And if I minded keeping secrets so much I wouldn't be able to pull off a double identity for so many years, don't you agree?"

That was true as well; Eroica's life wasn't exactly an open book, he harbored a good many secrets, just like him; yet another thing they were alike about. "An illicit couple then…and what does that entail?" he asked in the same matter-of-fact tone.

"_Entail?_ Oh darling, you are _such_ a mood-killer," Dorian said suppressing a giggle behind his hand. "Well, let's see…first off, I'd say it _entails_ lots and lots of repetitions of what we did just now, along with its many variations…I trust you have no objection to that?"

Klaus certainly had no objection to that, but he didn't feel like saying it outright; so he contented himself with a snort. "Hmph…and aside from that…?"

"Well…for my part, I don't really mind as long as I get to spend time with you," said the Earl. "You are indeed a most fascinating person, I don't think I would ever get bored no matter what we did. But of course we'll have to keep a low profile, I suppose…mostly meet in private, like here or in my castle. Is that all right with you?"

"With me? You're the one who loves the high life," replied Klaus with a touch of scorn. "Are you sure you're fine with someone you won't be able to drag to those fancy high-society parties of yours?"

Eroica laughed and said, "Oh, dearest, I'm not such a party animal as you seem to think. These high-society events are more of a hassle to me as well; I only attend because of my obligations as the Earl of Gloria. Of course I would love an outing with you, but we can enjoy a nice dinner just as well at home, I believe. And if we ever fancy a change of scenery there are some very discreet places I could take you to…besides, there's no reason for anyone to assume that two men dining together are a couple unless they act like one."

"Hmph, so you _can_ keep your hands to yourself after all; you just kept acting like a degenerate to get under my skin," the Major snorted with displeasure again. "It worked, didn't it?" chuckled the Earl. "Anyway, I do realize we won't always have time for each other in the first place; we are both very busy in our own way, right? Personally, I believe the arrangement you thought up for your fake wife would work just as well for a real partner too; we could spend time here as husband and wife, or if you prefer more privacy we could stay at your apartment in town, or mine; a few years ago I purchased a nice little place in the outskirts of Bonn, in the hope that I would need it one day," he said with a mischievous smile. "Mr. James protested no end that it was a waste of money, but it seems it was a worthwhile investment after all."

Deciding to overlook the insinuation, the Major thought it over for a few minutes. "We can do the husband and wife thing when Father comes to visit, but other than that I would prefer more privacy indeed, so we might as well meet in town when we can. But you're going to have a hard time explaining these trips to that crew of yours, won't you? How are you going to keep them from finding out?"

"Hmm…it will be rather difficult to keep it a secret from those who are closest to me," Dorian admitted. "Bonham, for one…he knows me too well not to realize something has changed. Darling, can I not confide in him at least? You know he is my greatest and most trusted friend…and you said it yourself he can be very useful."

The Major mulled it over for a bit. "If it's just Bonham, I suppose it's all right," he said grudgingly. "He's sensible enough to keep his mouth shut…and he could come in handy if we ever need to present a relative of yours. But I'd better not see that stingy bug on my property, or I _will_ shoot him."

"Oh, poor Jamesie is not that bad, he just…has a bit of a one-track mind," the Earl said soothingly in an attempt to mollify him. "But you're right, I shouldn't tell him about it…I fear he would overreact quite a bit, and he's quite a handful when he's overreacting. Hopefully with Bonham's help we'll be able to keep him in the dark. But what about you, isn't there anyone you want to let in on this? Anyone of your agents, or your staff here?"

"My agents already suspect there's something going on between us…although I have no idea why," the Major said, frowning. "I'll leave it at that…it's not like I can stop them from imagining whatever they want. But they're better off not knowing anything definite; that way they can never spill anything under interrogation. As for my staff they already know you as my wife, so we might as well let them keep thinking that. I think the truth would be too much for them to handle, and I don't need a hysterical staff on my hands."

"What about your father?" asked Dorian with concern. "Would you like to come clean with him…or do you think the truth would be too much for him to handle as well?"

Klaus remained silent and thoughtful for a while before answering. "I want to be honest with him…he certainly deserves it," he finally said. "But I believe the truth would only hurt him…right now his mind is at ease because he thinks I'll have a proper family, but I can't ever have something like that. And I don't know if I can make him understand that…I know he cares about me but I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye about this matter. He's a lot more conventional than you or even me…and this kind of relationship…I'm not sure he can accept it."

Dorian kept staring at him for a long while as well before saying anything. "Klaus…it's not my place to tell you how to handle this…you are your own man and you know best how to deal with your family. Whatever you decide I'll support you, I just…feel it's rather sad not to have anyone you can share this with."

"It's always been that way with me," the Major said simply. "And it was my doing; I could blame it on my 'childhood issues' or my 'unresolved complexes' like those idiotic NATO shrinks said, but in the end this is just how I am. I don't fit in with others; hell, I don't _want _to fit in with them. I do my duty and I'm damned good at it, and that's enough for me; I don't need anyone patting me on the back to make me feel good about myself. In fact I feel more at ease when people keep their distance from me, even if it means I am alone."

"Not anymore you're not; I'm not going to keep my distance from you, certainly not now," Dorian said steadily. "Klaus, regardless whether everyone else approves of you or not, I won't ever try to change you; I fell for you just the way you are, and I wouldn't change a single thing about you." He looked down for a second. "You know, ironic as it sounds, before I met you I had no idea what real love was. I fell in love easily and just as easily fell out of love, without pain or heartache. It was just another way to spice up my life; I never knew what it meant to love someone enough to sacrifice anything, even my own life, and expect nothing in return. You, who had no use for love, taught me all about it; many times I've thought this had to be the biggest cosmic joke ever at my expense." He chuckled a little, then growing serious again he went on, "But joke or not, I had to accept it; I had to embrace the fact that you are what I want in life, and I don't mean it like everything else I've wanted in the past. Those other things or people, I could still do without; but you I just can't deprive myself of. I say I always get what I want, but until now this has never brought me true satisfaction; every time I got something I was after, I found something else I desired and became obsessed all over again. But if I can have you, I honestly don't mind if I never obtain anything else from now on. I'm sure there will be other things I'll want, but none of them will ever be nearly as important as you; that's how much I want you."

"I don't doubt you believe that, but personally I don't think sex will be enough to quell your thieving tendencies," Klaus said bluntly. "Look, I'm not going to ask you to quit stealing; whether I like it or not it's in your nature. It's not in mine, though, so I'd rather know as little as possible about it. Fortunately for you I'm not a police officer, so it's not my business to bring you to justice; but I can't promise you I'll be able to bail you out if you ever mess up and get caught."

"Darling, Eroica has _never_ been caught and I intend it to stay that way," the Earl said haughtily. "And bear in mind that I have my pride as well; I make a point of not relying on anyone but myself and my crew to keep ourselves out of prison. Furthermore…it is indeed for the best if you don't know too much about my operations; you may not belong to the police, but there is always a possibility of them asking for your cooperation and making you choose between your duty and me…I wouldn't want to impose such a dilemma on you. Besides, I know you cannot let me in on your secrets either; alas, we can never be one of those couples who chat about their day at work," he concluded with an amused smile. "I'm not bothered by that, mind you…all this espionage stuff is not to my taste at all, I would only want to hear about it in case you require my assistance. So you see, there's no need for you to pressure yourself about anything when we're together; you can do whatever you want."

"What I want…I'm not even sure what that should be," muttered the Major, as if talking to himself. "Unlike you who always wanted things, up till now I've never wanted anything…I never let myself want anything. Everything I've ever pursued was always a means to an end. This…you…is the first thing I can honestly say I want for myself. It's…unsettling, but still I want it…and I can't seem to content myself." He turned towards Dorian, leaned over him with gleaming eyes. "Even now, I should have been sated…and yet…_Mein Gott,_ I think I want you again," he whispered and there was something positively feral in his voice and eyes. Then, pulling himself together he drew back a little and added, "But you can't take any more now, so…"

Dorian threw his arm around the Major's neck and pulled him close again. "Darling, you have no idea what I can do when it comes to you," he whispered in turn, the glint in his eyes matching that of the Major's. "And believe me, I'm just as hungry as you are…so no need to hold back on my account." He pulled Klaus down for a kiss…and the rest is history.

It was hours later when the two of them decided, quite reluctantly, to leave the bed and show themselves downstairs before they were declared missing. It was almost time for dinner; the Colonel ought to have returned long ago, but unexpectedly neither he nor any of the staff had come looking for them. They got dressed again – Dorian took more time than usually due to the toll his body had taken, but he managed to walk more or less normally – and left the room. They were in the corridor leading to the main staircase when they ran into the Colonel who was heading downstairs for dinner as well. The Major expected him to be annoyed because they had left him on his own all afternoon, but the old man seemed to be in quite a good mood instead and Klaus soon found out why. Apparently, despite the thick stone walls some of the noise they had made must have been carried outside, because just when they reached the staircase his father patted him on the shoulder and murmured discreetly in his ear, "Keep up the good work, son." Then he started down the staircase, without turning to look at the couple behind him. Klaus just stood on the stair landing, staring at his father's back completely astounded, while Eroica, a step behind him, nearly doubled up with restrained laughter.

"Well, that settles it, darling," he giggled delightedly in the Major's ear. "Doing me from behind is now officially your duty, and never let it be said that Iron Klaus shirks his duties." Still chuckling he started descending the staircase as well, his footing surprisingly light despite what they had been doing for hours on end. Klaus followed, torn between two urges he never had before and to this day he never expected he'd have. On one hand, he wanted to crawl into the nearest hole; on the other, for the first time in living memory he had this unprecedented, uncontrollable desire to laugh out loud.

Footnotes

_Schwuchtel_ = queer

_Clausewitz'_ _Vom Kriege_ = English title "On War", a book about war and military strategy, written by Prussian general Carl von Clausewitz between 1816 and 1830. It is considered one of the most important essays on military theory and is taught in many military academies and universities worldwide (source: Wikipedia).

_for three whole years _: The actual time the series was on hiatus between 'Emperor's Waltz' and 'Nosferatu' was seven years, but chronologically it could have been less than that. We know that the events in 'Emperor's Waltz' took place between 1985 and 1991, which was the time when Mikhail Gorbachev was General Secretary of the Soviet Union Communist Party (we know this because Polar Bear has a photo of Gorbachev on his desk), and before the reunion of Germany in 1989. On the other hand, the events in 'Nosferatu' took place after the dissolution of the Soviet Union which happened in the end of 1991. If we assume that the events in 'Emperor's Waltz' took place towards the end of 1988, we have a gap of three years.

_Du liebe Zeit_ = dear me


End file.
